To think my friend’s an idiot

[Undisputed56]

My friend has been single a few years, has a 7 year old daughter, doesn’t get out much so decided to try her hand at online dating.

She messaged a guy early last week and by Thursday had taken herself off all dating sites and arranged to meet him on Saturday. He spent the night at hers.

She seems to have fallen hard for this bloke, hasn’t stopped talking about him which is great for her but here’s the bit where I think she’s behaved like a prize twat.

On a Saturday her DD wasn’t home she was at her dads, tonight though she is there and my friend has invited this new man over to meet her DD and stay the night again!
He’s agreed to it too

I know everyone can make their own choices so far as parenting goes but she’s literally known of him a week, only met him once before today and has introduced him to her DD.

She says she’s not introducing him as a boyfriend but that he will be sleeping in her bed- what if DD gets up in the night?

I tried telling her to slow down but she said I should just be happy for her. She doesn’t know this man at all, I think she’s a naive idiot

AIBU?

Very dangerous and completely rushed. She knows both about this chap to he introducing her DC to him. She probably knows this deep down but doesn’t want to hear it.

Nope. Hugely risky behaviour.

Yanbu, but unfortunately this is fairly common behaviour.

I just can’t fathom why, when she’s normally very sensible and a great mum, she’s done something so reckless and irresponsible

Very risky behaviour.

YANBU at all.

Yanbu at all.

Let's hope this man didn't purposely seek out a single mother with a child but unfortunately I'm going to guess that's exactly what his done. A normal bloke wouldn't be happy with meeting a child this quickly, let alone spending the night with the child in the house.

Obvious it’s a stupid and irresponsible thing to do, in your position I think I would some how suggest she utilises Sarah’s law, maybe just dropping into the conversation that you presume she’ll be checking before they meet.

This sounds extremely dangerous and you discuss the reality of the situation with her again?
Because to me that is all kinds of stupid.
Pp said this behaviour is common, I have never heard anything like it.

If he's normal, he will think she's an idiot and it won't last five minutes and if he's nor normal, well, that is very very scary. Do look out for the little girl won't you?

Omg. That’s terribly risky. She doesn’t know him at all. Let alone know if he is safe to have in her home with a young D.C. I think this is the time, where you show the person the thread perhaps? Could you ask if her dd wants to come and stay at yours for the night?

Sarah
Keep protecting your child for a long time to come. Have the child at yours for sleep overs and subtlely check all is ok at home.

Your friend sounds exactly like my mother. That poor child.

Yadnbu!

I feel so worried for her, because it all smacks of desperation to "get a man".

Don't stop warning her.

Do you know his name? Can you at least Google him? I found out someone I had dealings with wasn't the real deal and Google showed me his true self. And the newspaper articles with his crimes on!!

My friend's the man in this situation OP....he's a lovely man it's true, but he's met a woman with three children under ten online and within two months, he's moving in with her and her children.

WTF!???

SHE is weird in my opinion to do this...now I KNOW my friend is a nice man, but she CANNOT know that after two months.

Fucking weird. And stupid and irresponsible.

Could you have the child for a sleepover tonight? Then tomorrow have a chat with your friend.

You can ask for a police check if you’re worried about someone vulnerable coming into close contact with a ‘new’ adult, as is the case here vis a vis child/new bloke. Better if your friend does it, but I believe you can do it without her.

I think if there’s a problem with him, they go and tell her though, not you, but that’s all the better.

Let's hope this man didn't purposely seek out a single mother with a child but unfortunately I'm going to guess that's exactly what his done. A normal bloke wouldn't be happy with meeting a child this quickly, let alone spending the night with the child in the house.
I'd say it's more likely that he's interested in an easy shag with the friend, that he'll keep shagging her till "something better" comes along (i.e. someone better looking / no kids / more money / better in bed / whatever his reasons-for-shagging list says) and then she'll not hear from him again. It's just sex with a woman who's handing it to him on a plate. Realistically he's probably seeing other women too.
She's crackers.

Very stupid and risky. Are you in a position where you can gently bring this up with her? Is it possible she just hasn’t considered the risks?

Let's hope so Nike. But I don't know many men that would put themselves in a vulnerable situation like this for a shag. Most men would run a mile at a woman inviting them to spend the night with her and her child after one date. Even if they just wanted a quick shag.

Agree with what pp said - can you have the little girl over for a sleepover tonight and then sit down with your friend and tell her to calm down? She's not 16 and has to think about her responsibilities and if this guy is fine with her having a dd he should be fine with waiting to be in the house when she is. Good luck op!

This is quite common amongst people I know.
When I was still doing relationships, I would wait a very long time before introducing a man to my kids- on neutral territory. My house is their HOME.
I've been propositioned many times by chancers wanting to get their leg over, upon telling them there is no chance, not to mention that my kids are home, they've replied 'but they're in bed' like it matters! The men act so normal, it's clear that many women allow.

I have no time for people who behave like this. It's just vile, why can't people just wait before introducing the children - she barely knows him! There are so many incidents where new partners have harmed children who have been left in their care despite knowing the mother all of five minutes, yet people don't fucking learn do they? Twats.