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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate being call mum (by strangers)

89 replies

Bunnyhipsdontliegrl · 07/10/2017 13:42

I was just reading this

yomadac.com/2017/10/06/mother-plans-to-give-child-to-adoption-if-she-hears-bubba-or-mama-one-more-time/

And it reminded me of being called "mum" by the nurses/nursery workers and how much I hated it. I also hated the word Bubba and the general patronising/infantilising tone some people used to talk to me (why did I sign for it for a second time? Grin )

AIBU to ask you what were the things that drove you crazy when you had a baby?

It is a lighthearted thread, I realise some people had real problems when trying to conceive/welcoming a baby and being called mum is not really one. I just want to know if I was the only cranky new mother out there

OP posts:
ProfessorCat · 07/10/2017 13:56

YANBU. I think it's fine if it's done in discussion that doesn't involve you, but not to actually call you Mum to your face.

I'm a teacher and when we're discussing a pupil with other teachers or external agencies, we use Mum, Dad, Carer etc. It's not because we're being rude, it's just easier as more often than not, we won't know the first names and they may have different surnames to the child.

I'd never call someone Mum to their face. It's always Mrs/Ms/Miss Surname.

Dancingfairy · 07/10/2017 13:59

Ha all the teachers down at my kids school call me "mum" yes it's annoying

NotInMyBackYard1 · 07/10/2017 14:01

But would you like all school staff to learn all 200 children's names and then the names of the Mum, Dad, perhaps step-mum, step-dad if each? 1000 names to learn?!
Or you make an assumption on Miss/Ms/Mrs and then get the surname wrong. It's a minefield.

SlackerMum1 · 07/10/2017 14:06

'Baby' drives me nuts.... as in 'how is baby'... 'let's see baby'.... NO NO NO... it is my baby, your baby, the baby, even baby xxx will do... it's just one of those weird things that's like nails on a black board for me and makes my toes curl!

I also hate being called 'mum' everywhere.... buts that's just cos I'm cranky and don't want to be old.... when people say it I'm always looking behind for MY mum Grin

theymademejoin · 07/10/2017 14:07

@NotInMyBackYard1 - If you don't know the parent's name, then either ask them or call them nothing. I would much prefer that to being called mum. My kids don't call me mum so I certainly don't want someone else doing it.

I remember as a child an American saying to my mother "excuse me ma'am" and us asking her afterwards why he called her mam as she wasn't his mother 😁

MissAlabamaWhitman · 07/10/2017 14:15

Yes this 'mum' business is one of my pet hates; it's really quite patronising isn't it?

I'm 'Jacinta's mum', not your mum and it's not that many more syllables for you to have to utter, so how about you just address me properly? Thanks.

Similarly in work settings, when colleagues are talking about a child's parents as mum and dad I always pointedly refer to them as 'child's name's mum/dad'

Honestly I can't tell you how happy I am to have vented on this thread, this issue has been pissing me off for years, thanks OP 👍

eurochick · 07/10/2017 14:18

Yanbu. I hate it.

OhPuddleducks · 07/10/2017 14:19

Teachers and nursery practitioners call you Mum because they don’t know your actual name and it’s quicker than trying to mentally attach you to your child and say blah-blah’s Mum.

RainbowBriteRules · 07/10/2017 14:21

It really, really doesn't bother me. I actually like it Blush. I certainly don't expect busy staff to learn my name and it is an easy shorthand.

However, I don't do it to other people as I know it pisses so many people off.

NotInMyBackYard1 · 07/10/2017 15:02

Actually what annoys me more is when I receive a phone call or answerphone message from a parent who introduces themselves as "Toby's Mummy"
No. Your name is Sarah. Or Mrs Smith or Sarah Smith. Not Toby's Mummy. Gahhhhhh.
Same goes for emails - signed off 'Toby's Mummy'

JassyRadlett · 07/10/2017 15:05

I'm a teacher and when we're discussing a pupil with other teachers or external agencies, we use Mum, Dad, Carer etc. It's not because we're being rude, it's just easier as more often than not, we won't know the first names and they may have different surnames to the child.

This one always puzzles me. Why don’t you use pronouns?

ProfessorCat · 07/10/2017 15:24

Why don’t you use pronouns?

Sometimes we do. Sometimes if there are lots of people involved, such as foster carers, birth mum, step-dad etc, he/she would be extremely confusing.

Ellendegeneres · 07/10/2017 15:29

Oh I don't care in the slightest. I'll be tarquins mummy for life and I'll be thrilled that someone's talking to me. Unless it's someone I actually know (not including the school gate mums cause I know zacks mum and not her name.. we talk twice a day 5x a week Blush )

Just to clarify, my dc is NOT called Tarquin lol

Ellendegeneres · 07/10/2017 15:30

Wow that made me sound proper lonely and sad, I'm not lol! I don't get out much I guess Blush

theymademejoin · 07/10/2017 15:30

@ProfessorCat - but his/her mum wouldn't be confusing.

confusedlittleone · 07/10/2017 15:33

@JassyRadlett because sometimes there's step-mum, birth mum grandmother and other people in all involved so using a pronoun can make it harder to figure out exactly what she your talking about

TheFairyCaravan · 07/10/2017 15:40

It's not something that ever bothered me.

When nurses and doctors were doing their very best to treat my kids I didn't expect them to get the notes out, check I'm Mrs X, or just X, before they addressed me. I'd much rather they just got on with the job in hand.

JassyRadlett · 07/10/2017 15:46

Sometimes we do. Sometimes if there are lots of people involved, such as foster carers, birth mum, step-dad etc, he/she would be extremely confusing.

But why not ‘his mother’, ‘his foster carer’? More accurate, less reductive.

JassyRadlett · 07/10/2017 15:48

When nurses and doctors were doing their very best to treat my kids I didn't expect them to get the notes out, check I'm Mrs X, or just X, before they addressed me. I'd much rather they just got on with the job in hand.

When doctors and nurses have been treating my kids, I’ve always appreciated it when (in non-emergencies) they had the courtesy to say ‘what would you like me to call you’.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 07/10/2017 15:48

Even when she was v old with dementia my mother absolutely hated being referred to as 'mum' by so-called professionals talking to me over her head. She hated anyone talking about her over head anyway - IMO it's rude and disrespectful - and we'd never called her 'mum' anyway. She hated it - she thought it sounded old and fat!

ProfessorCat · 07/10/2017 15:50

But why not ‘his mother’, ‘his foster carer’

No idea, it's just the norm. Where I am anyway.

Spudlet · 07/10/2017 15:52

There is precisely one person in the world qualified to call me Mummy, and he isn't talking yet. Anyone else can bugger off. I hate it. It's rude and patronising.

midnightmisssuki · 07/10/2017 15:55

Errrrrr - this is a first world country problem surely! Do you really expect teachers to remember your name? They look after so many kids....

MissAlabamaWhitman · 07/10/2017 16:06

I could never call anybody 'mum', except of course my mother.

I feel extremely embarrassed for adults when they allude to other grown ups as 'mum', I physically cringe for them.

phoenix1973 · 07/10/2017 16:09

I hated it. The only person i want calling me mum is my child.
It also irritates me when my fil refers to his wife as mum when we are around. Its so so irritating.