To hate being call mum (by strangers)

[Bunnyhipsdontliegrl]

I was just reading this

yomadac.com/2017/10/06/mother-plans-to-give-child-to-adoption-if-she-hears-bubba-or-mama-one-more-time/

And it reminded me of being called "mum" by the nurses/nursery workers and how much I hated it. I also hated the word Bubba and the general patronising/infantilising tone some people used to talk to me (why did I sign for it for a second time? )

AIBU to ask you what were the things that drove you crazy when you had a baby?

It is a lighthearted thread, I realise some people had real problems when trying to conceive/welcoming a baby and being called mum is not really one. I just want to know if I was the only cranky new mother out there

Seriously more things to worry about, it's not rude or patronising, I don't mind being called mum by my DCs teacher could not care less, however now at primary I don't really get addressed at all I just talk to the teachers. As a nurse I always ask what can I call you? I can't remember all the DCs classmates mum do its so and so's mum.

I feel extremely embarrassed for adults when they allude to other grown ups as 'mum', I physically cringe for them

How strange. Don't feel embarrassed on my account. I wouldn't do it in front of them or to them anyway.

In my work life I always do it because I don’t always remember names but now I’m a mum I realise how obvious it must be!
It drives me crazy how having a baby especially being pregnant makes people think that really intrusive questions are ok, like being asked by people you don’t know well if your baby was planned!

For those saying how do I want to be called... They can just talk to me and I will understand they talk to me. I appreciate teachers/nurse are busy, but "Come in" isn't harder to say that "Come in, Mum" or "how do you feel" instead of "how does mum feel" (she feels like she doesn't exist anymore except as someone's mum thanks ). It's like a work colleague asking you "how is yourname this morning" instead of "how are you?"

I'm happy to see I am not the only cranky mother out there

My nanny calls me mummy. She knows my name obviously but chooses to call me mummy all the time. I'm so used to it now that I don't really notice any more.

I usually just reply, "it's Justine" with a big smile. They have that many children's names to remember, so it must be hard.

However, DD, has suspected ASD and I am forever chasing everyone for help/resources and things to help her. They know my name and quite possibly sigh when they see me. Problem mum!

I don't mind in the context of the DCs as in a GP appointment for them. I don't expect people who rarely care for my DCs to link my name and theirs.

In a class of 30, there is a fair chance of the class teacher knowing that we're Mr & Mrs Smith. Certainly by secondary, having a timetable of 300 students, you rarely get to know parent's names, and these days it would be unreasonable to assume Mrs Childsurname as you could have done 30 years ago.

What irritates me is in interactions not connected with my DCs, e.g. a chugger shouting "hey mum!". I'm not their mum. This has nothing to do with my relationship with my children.

No idea, it's just the norm. Where I am anyway.

It’s worth reflecting on why, don’t you think?

Nope.

I doesn't bother me at all, in fact I love it. Probably got something to do with the fact that being a mum is all I ever wanted. Still get goosebumps when I remember being called mum by the midwife moments after DC1 was born.

Nope.

Why would I waste my time reflecting on why we call a Mum, Mum and a Dad, Dad, if the party don't know their names?

It's pretty obvious, surely? They are a Mum?

It's pretty obvious, surely? They are a Mum?

Because the quite reductive way you talk about them (using terms generally reserved for blood relatives rather than ‘his mum’ or ‘her dad’ may reflect or have bearing on the way you think about ir deal with the individuals in question.

Worth reflecting on why your organisation sees the pronouns as dispensable, just in case it is a sign of something bigger.

I tend to spend more time being grateful to the teachers and HCPs and less time thinking about what they call me . They have enough to do without learning multiple names or thinking about pronouns.

I am mum in that context.

It's not just my organisation though. I've found it in all the schools I've taught in, social services, midwives, nurses, behaviour experts, child psychologists and the like.

I think you're reading too much into it. It's just a quick and easy way of referencing someone people don't necessarily know the name of. Not to their face. We really aren't thinking about why there aren't pronouns.

DD1 was in hospital and I was really quite ill myself and facing possible hospitalisation, too. I had a patronising young doctor call me mum all during the ward round. i was further irritated by a mature student doctor who addressed all her questions to me through the nurse. After one final patronising remark, which I don't entirely remember, but which finished 'eh, mum?' I replied 'If I was your mother, you wouldn't be so impolite and if you can't be bothered to remember my name and address me as such, I don't want you near me or my daughter.' I then turned to the student and said 'If you can't speak directly to me, then don't speak at all.' The nurse, who had warned them that I was ill and didn't tolerate the things they were doing (this doctor was notorious for calling all women 'mum') was pissing herself. Funnily enough, the doctor was instantly able to recall my name and call me Mrs...

It's never bothered me in the slightest. In the context that they are talking to me, I am mum. I don't expect them all to know my name.

I have 90 children on my case list which is growing rapidly am I also now expected to remember the names of all their mums dads and carers. I'm fine with being called mum by teachers and health professionals I'd rather they spent their time sorting out my dcs rather than trying to remember my unusual name.

Hate it. If I’m not your child please don’t call me mum, especially not in third person.

It’s more annoying when the sickly couples do it ‘oh mummy you’re so silly’ ‘shall we ask daddy to pick that up for us’

Remembering peoples names, especially in step families, divorces, using of maiden names, using new partners name for entire family and so forth, 'mum' is much less of a mine field

Can just imagine some of the parents complaining if I said to a child about their Mum “she can help you to xyz”
So
“She can help you”
“Mrs XYZ can help you”
“Your Mum can help you”

I like it. And anyway how are HCPs supposed to remember everyone's name on top of everything else

We really aren't thinking about why there aren't pronouns.

Which I find incredibly weird, because there is no other relationship that this happens to. Can you imagine someone working in elderly care saying ‘well, Daughter was in earlier, and she said that she and Wife would be able to do x.’

Which is why it’s reasonable to ask whether there might be something unconscious going on that is part of this quite unique but widespread situation, and whether it’s good.

In my experience of being on the receiving end it’s very distancing - and sometimes I’m pretty sure intentionally so.

To me, saying ‘your mum’ to my kid is fine, talking about me as ‘kid’s mum/mother’ or ‘his mum’ is also fine. Referring to me or about me as Mum is really odd unless you are one of my kids.

I am a paediatrician and when I started training I always did this.... Just because it was what everyone did! After reading on here how much people hate it, I have really tried to change my practice. But what I would say is firstly that even though I always introduce myself by my first name, parents next to never introduce themselves back iyswim. I then have to slightly awkwardly ask their names and almost always they look completely shocked to be asked! I am plugging on with doing it nevertheless! Think it is just ingrained!

The only time I do it now is in resuscitation situations. It is busy there are lots of people and there simply isn't time to find out names so I usually just say "mum, I'm going to look after your baby/child now, but I will let you know what's happening as soon as I can". I really never want to patronise people and am trying hard to change........ But it does still slip out at times!