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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband messaging SIL

60 replies

silvergirl85 · 25/09/2017 22:28

My husband is close with his brothers wife, this has been the case for many years, long before I came on the scene. I’ve always known this and been ok with it, they would have nights of them 2 going out for drinks etc as they are good friends. However recently they’ve been messaging daily, I haven’t been looking at his phone, but when we are sitting together her name flashes up several times...nothing inappropriate as far as I’m aware. AIBU to think this is a bit weird?

OP posts:
Doobigetta · 25/09/2017 22:33

It could be completely innocent- planning a surprise for the brother/husband? Have you asked your husband why they're messaging each other?

WhoWants2Know · 25/09/2017 22:34

Are there any birthdays or events that they might be secretly planning?

Princesspinkgirl · 25/09/2017 22:34

Or are they up to no good

Original poster
silvergirl85 · 25/09/2017 22:37

I’ve said to him in passing “oh how’s (SIL name)” and “you’ve been chatting to her a lot-how is she” that sort of thing. He never rises to it and doesn’t seem like trying to hide anything. He is a flirty sort of personality and I am the opposite, I could never imagine messaging his brother the same amount!!

OP posts:
Nuttynoo · 25/09/2017 22:37

How old are they? My brother is close to my sil too and will often pop round for dinner even if my other brother isn’t around. They text etc. But he sees her as the normal big sister he was cruelly denied because me and my sister are weirdos Grin

Jasharps · 25/09/2017 22:40

I'm very close to my husband's brothers. Regularly text and go out. We're very good friends and have known each other a long time. I think of them as brothers and as the only girl in the family (apart from my DDs and MIL). I'm their sister!

GemmaCollinsBabes · 25/09/2017 22:44

I text my husband's brother 30-40 times a day! We have very similar sense of humour when it comes to things in the news.
We often have lunch alone when we are working in the same town.
I seen him as my brother.

Original poster
silvergirl85 · 25/09/2017 22:46

They’re both mid 30’s. I think it probably is innocent, I just find it weird that he seems to text her more than me. He’s never done anything questionable in the past, it’s most likely me being over sensitive.

OP posts:
GotToGetMyFingerOut · 25/09/2017 22:46

Gemma 30-40 times a day is alot of texts to anyone!

GemmaCollinsBabes · 25/09/2017 22:53

Got It's a fair few but we text a conversation during radio programmes and links to articles throughout the day.

My close friends and I will regularly exchange the same amount. Especially if we are reading the same book or planning an event.

Penny4UrThoughts · 25/09/2017 23:03

Is anyone else wondering if GemmaCollins and silvergirl married brothers... Grin

Demander · 25/09/2017 23:06

He doesn't have to message you, he's sitting next to you. :)
Suggest they are mates who enjoy making funny comments to each other by text.

donquixotedelamancha · 25/09/2017 23:25

Imagine a bloke posting: 'My DW has a male friend she messages frequently- I don't like it'.

The reception would not be fun. Words like 'controlling' would be bandied around.

Men and women can be friends. Some people text a lot (I don't get it). Examine why you feel this way and then talk to your husband and ask for a little reassurance, perhaps a bit more effort in communication with you.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 25/09/2017 23:27

30-40 times a day Shock

I message my BIL (OH brother), I like him and I never had a brother .

Chloebobbins · 25/09/2017 23:34

My husband has a few female friends who he knew long before he met me. They text quite a lot and he will go out on nights out with them but it doesn't bother me. I have met them plenty of times myself, and if he wanted to leave me for one of them, then he has had about ten years before he met me to get with them. Well one he did but it didn't really work out, anyway it doesn't bother me. Some people just get along really well.

Rachie1973 · 25/09/2017 23:38

As you say, they were friends before you came along. It would be unfair to expect them to alter that to suit you.

Mittens1969 · 25/09/2017 23:43

It sounds very much like a close brother-sister relationship, I think. It definitely doesn't sound like anything to worry about from what you've said.

cafenoirbiscuit · 25/09/2017 23:47

Can't imagine having the energy or interest to send a text to anyone
30 - 40 times a day .......

Jux · 25/09/2017 23:52

Can you imagine messaging your sister's dp?

GemmaCollinsBabes · 25/09/2017 23:58

Oh gosh now I look like a bizarre texting woman.
Honestly we have a back and forth about a specific topical news radio programme which warrants maybe 20 texts in two hours along the lines of (example from the election for example)

Him "It will be interesting to hear so and so this morning"
Me "yeah he's a pro at avoiding the question"
Him "that article about him in x newspaper got to the bottom of a lot of stuff"
Me "but they won't bring it up will they?"
Him "he's coming on!"
Then chatter during the interview. Just a bit like IMing someone. Duller than dull. Then we'll text as the news unfolds throughout the day.

LouHotel · 26/09/2017 00:02

It sounds like they have a sibling relationship. Has the SIL been part of the family since they were teens?

Gorgosparta · 26/09/2017 05:53

Does he spend the same amount of time with her everyday that he does with you?

If not, its not really the same and cant be compared. I dont text dh alot. Maybe once during the day, once a week. I text other people loads more.

Original poster
silvergirl85 · 26/09/2017 06:13

Thanks for all your responses. Yes she’s been around for many more years than me, I think you’re all right that it’s more like a sibling relationship.

OP posts:
AVirtuousLife · 26/09/2017 06:58

Sorry OP but I think that's quite unusual to say the least.

PlatformNineAndThreeQuarters · 26/09/2017 07:01

I hope you're right that it's just like a sibling relationship, her being around more years is irrelevant it's you who is his wife not her. I never lived with my ex he lived abroad but on a visit once to mine he spent more than half the time on Facebook to his brothers gf and I couldn't understand why, only that it hurt me a lot.
This obviously doesn't feel right to you enough to make a thread about it. Trust your instincts and I hope it works out but don't ever be second to a SIL just because she was around first

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