Husband messaging SIL

[silvergirl85]

My husband is close with his brothers wife, this has been the case for many years, long before I came on the scene. I’ve always known this and been ok with it, they would have nights of them 2 going out for drinks etc as they are good friends. However recently they’ve been messaging daily, I haven’t been looking at his phone, but when we are sitting together her name flashes up several times...nothing inappropriate as far as I’m aware. AIBU to think this is a bit weird?

Tbh I would be even more concerned with your update. Little in-jokes she understands me along with confiding in and venting to your DH about her problems, including her marital ones... Hmm.

I wouldn't worry OP, it sounds fine, they're friends and maybe feel like brother and sister.

If you 100% trust your DH like you say you do, don't go bunny boiler on him and act like you don't trust him.

If it helps, when Walking Dead season is upon us, I text my friend's DH more than I text my own, as we have discussions about the TV show. It's never occurred to me that it might look weird.

I text my friends more then my DH.

I guess people involved in this kind of thing themselves can't see how or why it looks out the ordinary to those who are on the sidelines or how it can hurt. It's not someone being over sensitive it's someone not wanting to be taken for a mug

Yes platform that’s exactly how it feels, he sees absolutely nothing wrong with it therefore I feel like I’m being over sensitive and over reacting for no reason.

I text my husband's brother 30-40 times a day!

I can't imagine texting anyone that often. That would seriously piss my off if I was your SIL

Does he text/see his other friends the same?
If not, then having this much contact with sil - given the dynamics- is rather unhealthy imo.

The boundary lines have become blurred over time and he should re-asess them.
What happens if his brother's marriage fails and they divorce?
Where will his friendship/relationship with sil, and his db, stand then?

I'd be pissed off if my oh was texting/giving headspace/emotional energy to someone else and it was intruding into our personal/private time.
She may as well be living with you given the space their friendship takes up

Your feelings should matter to him, op.
No one's relationship is 100% perfect,so why can't he give you and your relationship the same kind of attention?

*intruding...to this extent

Ploppie I am the same - text friends more than husband

Honestly you're not being over sensitive or over reacting. You're an intelligent woman who can see what is in front of her and I hope he doesn't show you any more contempt than he already has. Some of the examples on this thread are not the same situation at all as what you're describing but what TieGrr explained is bang on.

Now your husband knows you're not ok about what's happening he should respect you enough to stop it, if he doesn't then he doesn't deserve you.