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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

breastfeeding in public...

99 replies

Schwanengesang · 22/09/2017 04:20

Out to lunch with parents. DS (10 months) wanted a feed, I gave him one. My dad went to the loo. Mother gets total catsbumface look on and says "it's like you live in a different world from normal people. That's disgusting, noone needs to see that. But you always have been mannerless and selfish. You're a complete embarrassment."

I am used to her so just said with a raised eyebrow "well thank god the world has moved on from opinions like yours"

Christ on a bike. It's 2017. Nothing was visible (feeding vest, loose top, cardigan, DS' large head covering the tiny bit of exposed boob.

Not a surprise really coming from my mother (she loves being nasty when noone else is listening) but do people really think it's not ok to breastfeed in public???

OP posts:

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 22/09/2017 04:23

Unfortunately some people do think like that. They are wrong though.

ilovesooty · 22/09/2017 04:29

If they're like this perhaps you'll not want to have lunch with them again.

Original poster

Schwanengesang · 22/09/2017 04:34

Sigh. My dad is nice. My mum is ...complex. Shows traits of BPD. Hates me. I see her because otherwise I would not see my dad. We live in a different country and don't see one another often.

She finds thigs to bitch about all the time. I guess this just hit a nerve.

OP posts:

MissBax · 22/09/2017 04:39

I find it mind boggling that people will A) have these views and B) actually voice them! It is insane. Don't worry OP, they are the odd ones. Just a shame it's your DM!

newbian · 22/09/2017 04:41

If your mother has a tendency to speak to you like that, honestly I'd be cutting contact. Whether it's breastfeeding or whatever, that is completely out of order. If you're such an embarrassment then surely she doesn't want to spend time with your or her grandchild.

It so saddens me to hear a mother can be so cruel to her child. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Feed your baby and promise not to treat them the way you're being treated!

Jooni · 22/09/2017 04:44

You sound incredibly balanced about this. I would be going absolutely apeshit and considering severing ties after a disgusting comment like that.

It's such a shame that attitudes like this persist, and from your own mother too. You sound very strong and determined but a comment like that could be the thing that causes another woman to stop breastfeeding. Well done for standing your ground.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuckKeidis · 22/09/2017 04:48

DF once said it made him feel uncomfortable. We were having a pub lunch. I said "we're having lunch, why shouldn't she?"

troodiedoo · 22/09/2017 04:56

My mum thinks it should be done somewhere private. When I pressed for examples she suggested toilets

Your mother is next level nasty though. I'd tell her to fuck off next time, seeing as how you're so manner less might as well live up to that. Then never see her again. See your dad on his own .

HeteronormativeHaybales · 22/09/2017 05:38

Your mother is horrific. Who delights in being nasty like that? I wonder if you have the courage to say 'I won't be spoken to like that, and next time I'd like to meet Dad on his own and you can wait somewhere'?

She's picking up on a strain of societal discourse/feeling for her nastiness, that has just about enough currency to it for you to be wrong-footed. There are attitudes of hostility like this to women bf in public. However, they are wrong, and it is important that people like us go on feeding in public.

JonSnowsWife · 22/09/2017 06:03

Unfortunately some people really do think like that.

Thankfully the world has moved on since my DCs were babies and most people where I live now don't bat an eyelid when someone is BFing.

Needalifeoverhaul · 22/09/2017 06:03

Totally agree with everything heter has said. Good on you for handling it so well. if i happens again, bombard her with 'why'. Why is it disgusting? Why am I an embarrassment? Every answer she gives ask 'why' again.

EssentialHummus · 22/09/2017 06:12

You've handled things perfectly op. I'm sorry she's so shit.

Sayyouwill · 22/09/2017 06:19

At 10 months I have had absolutely no problems with other people.
A lady did move away from me once in a coffee shop but tbh, she didn't scowl or comment, so I decided that I was fine with that. At least she knew that her problem was her problem and not mine and she didn't feel the need to humiliate me or shame me. She simply moved where she felt more comfortable which I'm fine with. I mean it's a shame it still makes people uncomfortable but as I say, she didn't make it my problem

Adviceneeded123 · 22/09/2017 06:26

Yanbu. I dont understand why people think it is 'disgusting' befofe formula what would babies have drunk!? Being discreet is fine. But to call it disgusting is disgusting in itself.

They probably wouldnt be alive if it wasn't for breastfeeding.

There are many strange people in the world.

LilyMcClellan · 22/09/2017 06:27

You were amazingly calm and civilised about it. I'm afraid I'd be in the group of people saying, "If you find me such an embarrassment, feel free to fuck off somewhere else, Mum."

I understand you tolerate her because you want to see your dad, but why does he tolerate her treating you like that? I'd find that just as hurtful, really.

Writerwannabe83 · 22/09/2017 06:35

The majority of my family do not ageee with breast feeding and make passive aggressive comments about my choices but they'd never be as direct as what you've had to endure. My mom is also a fan of the catsbum face when it comes to me either talking about BF'ing or God Forbid, I do it in front of her, but she knows to keep her mouth sealed.

I was at a theme park last week with my DH and DS and on four occasions I had to sit on a random bench to BF our baby and some of the glares and stares I got weren't nice

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2017 06:35

Wow you could be the poster girl for how to deal with bitchy mothers. She sounds like my mother. I suspect NPD. Just the sort of thing she'd say to me being her scapegoat. Difference is my dad and now my stepdad have died. I don't see much of her now.

gamerwidow · 22/09/2017 06:36

My mum was always a bit mortified whenever I breastfed in public and was a bit 'are you sure that's ok?'.
She didn't tell me I was disgusting though and she told me she was proud of me for being brave enough to do it in public (her hearts in the right place, honestly)

zzzzz · 22/09/2017 06:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littlecaf · 22/09/2017 06:51

Oh dear, she sounds awful and I'm glad you're not passing on any of those traits to your children. You are doing well, OP and best of luck with her horrible attitude. I agree with others, it's saddening that a mother could say something nasty to their child.

Crumbs1 · 22/09/2017 06:54

Yes in about 12 years of breastfeeding the only person to ever comment negatively was my mother. She was embarrassed and wanted it hidden even from my husband. Odd uptight attitudes.

itchywanksocks · 22/09/2017 06:59

There's "being a bit behind the times about bf" and then there's your Mum... she was beyond horrible and I don't think I'd have handled it as calmly as you!

I take it this isn't the first time she's said something so cruel to you. Im sorry she's not more supportive of you, you sound lovely.

I bf everywhere, and over the past year have become so desensitised that I'm less arsed about covering every inch of skin (also my DC has a huge head which covers it up anyway).

My mum rolls her eyes at me, not in a disapproving way as such, just in a "oh here we go" as it's become a bit of a family joke that I've gone from a "the baby will fit around my life and will have a routine" to hippy, baby led birth mother, and they think it's hilarious 😂

itchywanksocks · 22/09/2017 07:04

*earth mother not birth mother. Ffs

YellowFlower201 · 22/09/2017 07:12

Wow she sounds nasty!

I can tell my mum is starting to wonder why I'm still feeding my 1 year old. She hasn't said anything though. The worst comments I've had so far were from friends who bf themselves and tried to dress it up as 'advice'. One 'recommended' I feed in the loo cos baby was distracted. I laughed and she never mentioned it again.
The other bf her baby until she was 18 months. My baby was about 10 months old and she announced its time to stop feeding when your baby tries to undo your top having just watched my baby push my t-shirt aside.

Myheartbelongsto · 22/09/2017 07:16

I'm sorry for all of you that have had a bad experience. If I was out and about and passed you while you were breastfeeding I'd probably stop to ask you if I could get you anything like a drink or something to eat!

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