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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you deal with this triviality?

85 replies

flipflap75 · 20/09/2017 15:58

My landline rang at 7.48 this morning - cue palpitations as no-one usually calls that early unless there's drama/illness etc.

It was my mother, calling to tell me that it's my sister's boyfriend's birthday on Friday. I said (in a 'happy' voice), "It's a bit early, Mum. We don't really do calls before 9, unless something's up." She hung up.

She'd previously offered to collect the kids from school and bring them home today as I was WFH. She's just brought them back, and is barely speaking to me. I asked her how she was and she just about managed a "fine" in a funny voice.

Not the first time this kind of nonsense has gone on, but I'd be really grateful to hear how you reasonable people would deal with it.

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/09/2017 16:00

She called at ten to 8 - it was hardly the middle of the night!

PatriciaHolm · 20/09/2017 16:01

9? Gosh, if you have kids at school surely you've been up for at least 1.5 hours at that point?

It wouldn't have occurred to me to have an issue with it.

Original poster
flipflap75 · 20/09/2017 16:02

True, but for us, it's too early. The point isn't whether you agree it's too early, it's how to deal with the fact that I wasn't rude to her, but she's decided to take massive offence nonetheless to the point of not speaking to me.

OP posts:
MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 20/09/2017 16:03

Might not be the middle of the night but a bit daft to phone someone during the crazy getting ready for work / school morning rush.

You weren't rude at all and your mother has totally over-reacted. Who gets the huff about something like this? What does it matter? Life is too short.

Original poster
flipflap75 · 20/09/2017 16:04

Beside the point, but I work with people in the US and often have to work until the small hours, in which case husband gets the kids ready for school and I get up as late as possible to do hair/see them off.

It's the ignoring thing I'm looking for help with.

OP posts:
teaandtoast · 20/09/2017 16:05

Just carry on as normal with her. Presumably she'll get over it eventually?

NormHonal · 20/09/2017 16:06

It's about boundaries. For you, that's too early, but your DMum doesn't respect that as your boundary.

Can you leave it for today then try talking to her or send her a short text tomorrow saying you're sorry if you upset her but you don't like to take calls before 9am and would appreciate if she respects that in future. Or she could send a text.

We have massive issues with ILs around this sort of thing.

bruffin · 20/09/2017 16:07

You were rude to her,

BarbaraofSevillle · 20/09/2017 16:07

Did she know about your 'no calls before 9 rule unless someone has died' rule before you put her straight on the matter?

Knittedfairy · 20/09/2017 16:07

She said she was 'fine' so I'd take that at face value. Behave as you normally would/ do as you normally do and let her get over herself. ( I don't like phone calls at 7.48 either unless it's an emergency; not the middle of the night, but too early for details of someone's birthday.)

Aquamarine1029 · 20/09/2017 16:07

Your mum is having a passive-aggressive hissy fit. I would confront her about it because it's just ridiculous and uncalled for. If you inadvertently hurt her feelings, she should have said so so that you could work through it.

IAmBreakmasterCylinder · 20/09/2017 16:08

Missing the point entirely, why bother ringing at all when she knew she was going to see you this afternoon?

JenNtonic · 20/09/2017 16:10

Awww. Ya totally overthinking it, she collected your children and dropped them off so she can't be that upset. For all you know she may have something else going on, might be tired herself, whatever.
If I was you, I'd leave her alone for abit to get out of her strop.

Idontevencareanymore · 20/09/2017 16:11

You were a bit rude. I mean she's your mum, you could have just said "bit busy mum could we chat later" instead of basically telling her she's broken a rule.

I'd just apologise tbh

GoldenFlaps · 20/09/2017 16:11

I don't think you were rude to her and I do think it was a bit early for phoning for such a reason. If you don't have any plans to speak to her or see her I'd be inclined to wait for her to get in touch with you. If you haven't heard in a week then get in touch and pretend none of it happened.

Or you could ask her what's bothering her and take it from there. Always be the reasonable one though Wink

Sayyouwill · 20/09/2017 16:13

Always 2 sides to these stories

Sayyouwill · 20/09/2017 16:15

Sorry posted too soon.

Always two sides to these stories.
Perhaps, as it was early, you may have come across a bit snappy on the phone? Maybe she'd been up for ages and lost track of time and felt a bit miffed at you brushing her off? I'm sure she has her reason for reacting like this, just ask her outright if everything is okay

Original poster
flipflap75 · 20/09/2017 16:15

I think I go with the carry-on-as-normal approach.

IamBreakmaster, I don't understand why she called either, given that she was coming round and also given that I'm a relatively normal, responsible person and have all the family birthdays in my calendar, with reminder alerts.

Bruffin, I don't see how what I said was rude. I didn't shout, use an aggressive tone or call her names. I just said it was a bit early for us.
I think calling someone who you know will either be asleep or running around after kids is inconsiderate, but perhaps we should agree to differ.

Barbara, I don't think we've ever talked about it - she usually calls later in the day. I suppose I felt obliged to say something this morning because she also called at 8am on my birthday a couple of weekends back (when again, I'd been up working until 2am the night before).

OP posts:
RB68 · 20/09/2017 16:15

There was no rudeness at all - just saying its a bit early for us - maybe add I thought there was some sort of emergency.

SHe will get over it - my advice is to ignore

FooFighter99 · 20/09/2017 16:16

My mum gets like this, she's so easily offended!

I tend to apologise (even if I don't mean it...) and just ignore her stroppy behaviour till she snaps out of it. Which can sometimes take a few days.

God, she's like a bloody toddler at times!!

SandyDenny · 20/09/2017 16:16

My DM will often phone me when I'm WFH as she doesn't really understand the concept. To me it's same as when I at work in an office so no personal calls as I need to get my work done within the school day.

She doesn't take it too well when I say sorry I can't talk now so I've just stopped answering the landline during the day as all work calls would be via my mobile so I can see who's calling.

I think you'll just have to wait for her to get over it

Birdsgottafly · 20/09/2017 16:18

"Missing the point entirely, why bother ringing at all when she knew she was going to see you this afternoon?"

Because if you don't say what's in your mind at that time, then it goes.

I make notes in my phone, but I've also randomly phoned my DDs under similar circumstances.

Sometimes I've phoned and they've had something to tell me and I've forgotten what I was going to say.

RhiWrites · 20/09/2017 16:18

You were quite short with her. Yeah, it's a bit early but you were up and it's your mum who was doing you a favour later that day. Why was it such a problem?

Would have got the same message across to say "oh mum, you frightened me, I thought something was wrong!"

ponderingprobably · 20/09/2017 16:19

Bright and breezy & ignore the 'funny' voice. If she says anything, just say you were worried, she caught you 'on the hop' and you said the first thing that came into your head.

Lottey90 · 20/09/2017 16:22

How do you deal with it?

Uuuum you say sorry?

You upset your mum so I'm a normal family relationship you say sorry. And that's the end of it.

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