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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was this check out guy creepy and would you report?

109 replies

Calmanrose · 20/09/2017 07:34

Dd and I dropped into a shop yesterday. National chain but not a branch we had ever been in. The guy on the check out started to scan my items but stopped to get my 4yr old to give him a high five and a fist bump. Fair enough. Then he asked her 'are we going to the park later? ' she heard park and was all excited. The he asked if she was going to share her sweeties... at this point she says 'no ' and is rather less keen. There's more random chat etc calling her sweetheart. Until this point I felt it was just friendly if not rather irritating... Until we left and he blew her kisses.
Dh says I should complain. I did feel it was inappropriate but that he was merely trying to be friendly. I'm not going to complain but it did make me uncomfortable especially as we are at the stage of trying to make dd aware that she shouldn't talk to strangers.

OP posts:

Pistachiois50pmore · 20/09/2017 07:39

Sounds fine to me. Where in the country are you? That's pretty standard behaviour outside the south east.

"Don't talk to strangers" doesn't mean "don't interact with staff at the checkout"! If the man had come up to your daughter in the car park that would be different.

clairewilliams999 · 20/09/2017 07:40

I might be miles off but maybe he is slightly on the spectrum. I've encountered a few people in retail who didn't have the social engagement thing nailed possibly for this reason, good for them for working, it would be crushing if they were fired. My little nephew is autistic and I hope he will be able to work if he wants to. Sometimes you have to suck up the slight awkwardness if this is the case.

AtHomeDadGlos · 20/09/2017 07:41

If it had been a woman doing it would you and your DH have felt the same way?

MsVestibule · 20/09/2017 07:42

I probably would report it. Being friendly towards children is great, but blowing kisses is definitely a step too far! I think perhaps he just needs to be reminded where to draw the line between friendliness and creepy!

expatinscotland · 20/09/2017 07:42

Your h is being unreasonable.

AJPTaylor · 20/09/2017 07:43

She was talking to the check out guy in supermarket with both her parents present.

He was being friendly and nice to a child.

Ermmmm. Part of what you are doing is trying how to deal with a world full of strangers. That isnt the same as never speaking or interacting with anyone.

MsVestibule · 20/09/2017 07:43

athomedad I would find any stranger blowing kisses at my children very odd, woman or man.

MehMehAndMeh · 20/09/2017 07:43

Checkout staff are actively encouraged to engage customers any way they can. That way they can either promote an in-store product or leave you with a positive memory of the store so you are more likely to go back.
Staff are also negatively reviewed and disciplined, if they don't do this.

Herechickychicky · 20/09/2017 07:44

Is this a joke?? He was just passing the time trying to raise a smile from a little girl he will never be alone with or probably even see again!

icelollycraving · 20/09/2017 07:44

I think it was just very friendly. I probably would have said no she's not allowed to go to the park with strangers if I was uncomfortable with the chat. The cashier at Lidl is always lovely and friendly to ds, high fives etc, it's just being a decent friendly person. I wouldn't complain, the implications for this person would be terrible. Mud sticks.

Idontevencareanymore · 20/09/2017 07:45

I work for a large chain supermarket and know of a few guys and ladies that act like this.
It's a bit ott service designed to charm you I suspect, sadly it's come across all wrong!

I'd not complain. I doubt he meant Any harm.

Oysterbabe · 20/09/2017 07:45

A bit unusual but I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought.

I was in a coffee shop with 18 month old DD and she was smiling at everyone like she does. There was an old lady at the next table with a young Spanish guy who I think was her carer. She started saying to DD "You fancy him don't you? It's those dark eyes. He'll wait for you to be 16, he'll be your boyfriend" She didn't let it go for ages and kept saying stuff until we left. The guy looked super uncomfortable and it was so inappropriate.

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds · 20/09/2017 07:46

What are you going to report him for? Being nice and a bit awkward.

'Don't talk to strangers' is dodgy advice anyway - in lots of circumstances that's the best/safest thing to do.

RedBlackberries · 20/09/2017 07:47

I wouldn't. The creeps that we should get scared about are the ones that blend right into society and wouldn't make such a friendly display in front of parents. Sounds like he was just being nice.

DressedCrab · 20/09/2017 07:48

You're thinking of reporting him for being friendly and engaging with your child? Lease don't make a fool of yourself.

And tell your DH to get a grip. Stupid man.

RebootYourEngine · 20/09/2017 07:50

I dont like the 'dont talk to strangers' campaign.

Not everyone who is a stranger wants to abduct/harm your child.

LittleLionMansMummy · 20/09/2017 07:56

If this had been an old woman you wouldn't give it a second thought. Fwiw I'd probably feel the same though, but wouldn't report it. Something like that could really damage someone if it's all just friendly banter. As someone else has also said, I've encountered a few staff in our local Tesco who are possibly on the ASD spectrum - one of whom definitely is as I went to school with him.

Please do think through your stranger danger approach though since most abuse happens by people known to the victim. I know you didn't ask for advice on that, but I feel quite strongly about this as the focus is quite often on the wrong people and situations. Our advice to ds has always been 'don't go off anywhere under any circumstances with anyone without first checking it's ok with us'.

PoppyPopcorn · 20/09/2017 07:56

He was just being friendly. Same as the inane chatter you get on the till at the supermarket about what your plans are for hte weekend or whether the kids have gone back to school yet.

Complaining about this is completely over the top and ridiculous.

shhhfastasleep · 20/09/2017 07:57

He may well have a condition that means he doesn’t get this is a bit off. She was with both parents. She wasn’t at risk.

Slartybartfast · 20/09/2017 07:57

aw he was just trying to engage with the 4 year old, perhaps not in a way you were comfortable with.

TooGood2BeFalse · 20/09/2017 07:59

I do understand the heightened awareness these days OP, but honestly it does sound perfectly innocent.Don't get the poor bloke into trouble for being nice.

Onemorewonthurt · 20/09/2017 08:01

Of course you shouldn't complain

saoirse31 · 20/09/2017 08:01

Yabvu, and completely Ott. Can't see anything untoward in his behaviour. You and your dh tho....

TheNaze73 · 20/09/2017 08:02

A bit OTT really. Does your DH generally overreact to things?

RunningOutOfCharge · 20/09/2017 08:03

Report him to whom???

This place gets weirder by the day!

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