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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this check out guy creepy and would you report?

109 replies

Calmanrose · 20/09/2017 07:34

Dd and I dropped into a shop yesterday. National chain but not a branch we had ever been in. The guy on the check out started to scan my items but stopped to get my 4yr old to give him a high five and a fist bump. Fair enough. Then he asked her 'are we going to the park later? ' she heard park and was all excited. The he asked if she was going to share her sweeties... at this point she says 'no ' and is rather less keen. There's more random chat etc calling her sweetheart. Until this point I felt it was just friendly if not rather irritating... Until we left and he blew her kisses.
Dh says I should complain. I did feel it was inappropriate but that he was merely trying to be friendly. I'm not going to complain but it did make me uncomfortable especially as we are at the stage of trying to make dd aware that she shouldn't talk to strangers.

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 20/09/2017 20:18

I suppose that some people through life experience have come to know that some people we are told to trust, turn out to be the very opposite of trustworthy and do intend us harm. Misgivings are often dimissed and ignored, and voices go unheard because the people who think they are 'silly' shout the loudest.
I think if someone says they feel something is not right then at least listen, maybe reassure, maybe disagree, maybe say 'you could be right'.

But ridiculing people, trying to put people down to make your point ? - Usually the sign of someone with an axe to grind or an ill-thought out argument. There's no need to be rude and unpleasant just because you can - if you want to disagree do it rationally and thoughtfully, just being abusive and mocking is just wasting your chance to make a sensible point that people might listen to.

TitaniasCloset · 20/09/2017 20:20

I used to work in retail as a teenager, I was 15 but lied and said I was 16 to get the job.

A couple came in with their young son, about 5 once and as i had been taught I engaged in friendly chat with the kid, the woman completely freaked out , looked at me like I was some kind of killer or pedo and told me they don't allow their child to talk to strangers. Um, ok. I was so shocked by her reaction at the time.

Some parents are really over the top.

Slarti · 20/09/2017 20:25

Not everyone who is a stranger wants to abduct/harm your child.

#NASALT

RunningOutOfCharge · 20/09/2017 20:27

angel sorry but what the fuck are 'women's instincts' ?

How about 'common sense' ?

Sancerresanwine · 20/09/2017 20:32

Words fail me. Give your head a wobble and stop being ridiculous.

PollyFlint · 20/09/2017 20:47

set my spider senses tingling

Oh well, bound to be a paedo then. Hmm

Your 'spider senses' are irrelevant. The checkout guy did absolutely nothing wrong and you have absolutely zero grounds to make any sort of complaint about him. Here's hoping you never do jury service if all you need to decide someone's guilty of wrongdoing is your 'spider senses'.

Oh, and on the 'is my boyfriend too nice' thread, people weren't saying 'trust your instincts' based on 'spider senses', they were pointing out that the boyfriend was actually being massively clingy, guilt-trippy and controlling by acting upset and hurt if the OP didn't message him when he wanted her to. Big bloody difference between that and your 'spider senses'.

LesDennishair · 20/09/2017 20:56

Sorry Grin

JonSnowsWife · 20/09/2017 21:10

The reading skills are pretty poor on here

Why? Because people don't agree? Confused

There's a lovely man in the village shop. DS always offers him one of his sweets.

missinghim2017 · 20/09/2017 21:13

If he had ignored your dd when she was trying to engage with him , you would call him rude and unprofessional. People can win 🙄

JonSnowsWife · 20/09/2017 21:16

I'm confused OP. You said she was excited in the first post about the park now you're saying he made her feel uncomfortable? Confused

Then he asked her 'are we going to the park later? ' she heard park and was all excited.

GetOutOfMYGarden · 20/09/2017 21:20

To be honest OP, I think you're going OTT. During uni I worked on a checkout (likely the chain you were in since IPM is not a thing in it and customer interaction is pushed instead) and you were encouraged to be friendly. Most often you'd get people chucking their car keys at you so you could scan their loyalty card, people flat out ignoring you, and the occasional rude fucker who'd tell their children that they should behave in school so they didn't end up like us.

He's probably 16, a bit awkward, and trying his best because his manager is in or because he's on a trial period.

Original poster
Calmanrose · 21/09/2017 09:08

I'll assert again that some of you simply can't read.

Yes dd was excited at the park mention... but this turned to being shy and unsure when the conversation continued. This is not her normal way... usually she babbles away merrily.
I haven't said I would contact the manager...i believe I actually said I thought he was trying to be friendly. It was dh that wasn't pleased. I do stand by the fact that he was inappropriate and creepy however. I wouldn't be pleased with a female check out person blowing kisses either. I feel kisses are for family and friends. I think you'll find that's my feeling and it's sad that so many of you instantly jump to the defence of the male and don't respect that he made us ill at ease.
Ooh and as for picking me up on a commonly used phrase then well done. My gut instinct. Whatever. Just like we know when something is 'off'.

OP posts:
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 21/09/2017 09:12

I call children sweetheart. Is this bad?

Worried now...

RunningOutOfCharge · 21/09/2017 09:19

Creepy?? How was this incident in any way 'creepy'?

It gets more ridiculous with each post op!

Original poster
Calmanrose · 21/09/2017 09:19

No... but if you're blowing random children kisses you may want to consider if it makes people awkward😁😁

OP posts:
Original poster
Calmanrose · 21/09/2017 09:22

Ok but it was creepy to me.
As I said dd is encouraged to chat and go to tills and be independent but this was wrong to me.
When I give our local homeless guy some lunch she'll chat to him and pet his dog. He's lovely and polite...i have no problem there but this guy I felt was overstepping something awful. I'm sure he knew exactly what he was doing... but anyway there you go. My instinct was obviously wrong and he's clearly a normal man. Phew.

OP posts:
LesDennishair · 21/09/2017 09:42

It gets more ridiculous with each post op!

I'll say!

When I give our local homeless guy some lunch she'll chat to him and pet his dog. He's lovely and polite...i have no problem there but this guy I felt was overstepping something awful. I'm sure he knew exactly what he was doing.

This, for example. Hmm

RunningOutOfCharge · 21/09/2017 09:47

Ohhh so your 'instinct' is what tells you if someone is 'normal' or not then?

What's normal and non normal then? Is it a bit like having SEN or not having SEN?

Bluelonerose · 21/09/2017 10:01

I can see why it would of made you uncomfortable in the things he was saying but he was probably just being friendly.
Ide always interact with children when I was at work ask them questions e.g if they had batman on their top ide ask if it was their favourite superhero etc. (never blown kisses to a random child before) I've even read a book a toddler wanted me to read to her! I just thought this was good customer service.

PortiaCastis · 21/09/2017 10:06

Don't be so ridiculous, the guy was just being pleasant and interacting as he's been trained to.

ParkheadParadise · 21/09/2017 10:17

In future use the self-service checkout.ConfusedHmm.

Redhead17 · 21/09/2017 10:20

Fucking hell its not like he was sitting their rubbing his crotch

I think you lost everyone when you said your spidey senses I mean that makes you sound weirder than him.

I would assume he's being friendly, but I mean you could always go back catch him in a web and take him to operation yew tree HQ Hmm

Sandsunsea · 21/09/2017 10:22

It's possible that this man has learning difficulties. I think that if you don't like it then you stick up for your daughter at the time, address the situation there and then, not play along then report him later and jeopardise the mans job. If he has learning difficulties then it's possible he would struggle to find another one.

PurpleMinionMummy · 21/09/2017 11:05

The blowing kisses was weird. It would be weird from a woman too.

SugarPlumLairy · 21/09/2017 11:44

Op, go with your instincts, I would pop a word in to the manager about a little more training for staff on what's appropriate. You HAVE to advocate for your child. It's sending a very mixed message to her that she should feel uncomfortable because someone else wants to be friendly towards her.

What happens if she meets him outside of the customer/cashier environment and he is "friendly" again? Does she have to let him take her to the park, because he's not a stranger now is he? Does she have to accept uncomfortable compliments/behaviourfrom others so that THEIR feelings don't get hurt?

I would absolutely recommend everyone read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. It teaches you to listen to your gut.

Also, the shop would probably appreciate the chance to rectify a problem rather than lose custom.

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