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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this check out guy creepy and would you report?

109 replies

Calmanrose · 20/09/2017 07:34

Dd and I dropped into a shop yesterday. National chain but not a branch we had ever been in. The guy on the check out started to scan my items but stopped to get my 4yr old to give him a high five and a fist bump. Fair enough. Then he asked her 'are we going to the park later? ' she heard park and was all excited. The he asked if she was going to share her sweeties... at this point she says 'no ' and is rather less keen. There's more random chat etc calling her sweetheart. Until this point I felt it was just friendly if not rather irritating... Until we left and he blew her kisses.
Dh says I should complain. I did feel it was inappropriate but that he was merely trying to be friendly. I'm not going to complain but it did make me uncomfortable especially as we are at the stage of trying to make dd aware that she shouldn't talk to strangers.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/09/2017 08:04

Harmless chatter.

He blew her a kiss, he didn't pick her up and kiss her.

Teaching your children not to talk to strangers is a ridiculously outdated thing to do. Teaching them not to talk to strangers when they're with you is just bonkers.

Lovemusic33 · 20/09/2017 08:07

People on MN seem to be going crazy.

The man was just being friendly for Christ sake, he meant no harm, cashiers are encouraged to be friendly and make conversation.

AgentProvocateur · 20/09/2017 08:09

@runningoutofcharge, the supermarket police obviously! GrinWink

OP, your and your paranoid DP need to recalibrate your attitudes to risk and danger.

pilates · 20/09/2017 08:09

YABU and completely over the top.

Why would you report someone for being friendly to your DD?

MrLovebucket · 20/09/2017 08:10

I probably would have said no she's not allowed to go to the park with strangers if I was uncomfortable with the chat

I think the check out guy was using the generic 'we' - as in "how are we today?"

I don't think he was suggesting he went to the park with a random child Confused

Rosa · 20/09/2017 08:11

This sounds exactly like a chap who works in a chain near from where my mum is. He has obvious diferences and he makes similar comments and conversation ...I think it is positive that he is working and we reply politely . Actually I think his conversation attempts whilst scanning my shopping are better than many others for whom it does not come naturally They would rather just smile and say 'would you like a bag and here is your change !'- BUt the managers say that they have to interact !!!

BarbarianMum · 20/09/2017 08:13

Yeah, poor you OP - he tried to groom your child in your presence. Hmm Next time someone tries that sort of shit try snapping "Don't you talk to my child, you paedo" at them. Everyone knows that children shouldn't interact with unknown adults until they're 15.

alohaimnew · 20/09/2017 08:14

YABVVVVVU. Jesus Christ - people look for the most random things to complain abou these day but this take the cake and the biscuit. What exactly are you going to report him for - being nice to your child? He was being friendly, asking if she was goign to share sweeties and if she was going to the park, this is what a 4-year old would understand. What would you rather him talk to her about? Politics?

And your husband is a fool. You wouldnt have thought twice if it was a older lady or a woman.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 20/09/2017 08:14

If you complain, he'll get into trouble. And to be fair, he's done nothing wrong. He was only trying to engage with your daughter.

Tattybogle89 · 20/09/2017 08:18

Oh ffs if he was grumpy n refused to acknowledge your child n grunted at you , you be complaining about that.
He was being nice. Some people don't have kids or get to spend time with them and enjoy interacting.
He was being kind to a young child.
YABU

LittleLionMansMummy · 20/09/2017 08:21

Sorry op, just seen that you say you're not going to complain. I think that's wise.

I think you've had some harsh responses actually. I'm always a bit weirded out by ott behaviour and I think you're just describing that you're uncomfortable with it. I probably would be too but would inwardly chastise myself for being a bit of an antisocial cow and remind myself that they're most likely just being friendly. Yanbu to feel a bit uncomfortable about it, but give your head a gentle wobble for overreacting. Smile

And my advice remains the same about 'stranger danger'. Really, that's a very bad and outdated approach.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 20/09/2017 08:21

Report him? Is your DH on glue?

HateSummer · 20/09/2017 08:25

What a stupid overreaction. The way you're talking makes it sound like every "stranger" is Pennywise the Clown.

IDefinitelyWould · 20/09/2017 08:26

It would be better to teach your dd who to ask for help should she need it. My 2 (dd5 and ds2) both know that of they lose me in a shop they go to the checkout and ask for help, and they must never leave the store with anyone because I wouldn't leave without them. He sounds like he was trying quite hard, maybe he isn't very good at judging children's ages? Quite often young children 'blow kisses' as their party trick when it comes to saying goodbye.

There is no need to report, you weren't interviewing him to babysit, he will never have and has never asked for sole charge of your dd.

highinthesky · 20/09/2017 08:26

Words fail me!

Cacofonix · 20/09/2017 08:28

I think your DH needs to get a grip, frankly.

MrTrebus · 20/09/2017 08:31

Ok YABU and I can prove it. Recently local to me a shop worker in a co-op was found to be a convicted prolific paedophile employed under false details. He was outed by "vigilantes" and was promptly sacked and co-op admitted they did not do the proper checks. However he was very very low key on purpose, he was very quiet polite member of staff. No way would someone who genuinely had those impulses would act as you explained in your OK because it would out them. YABU he was just being polite.

MrTrebus · 20/09/2017 08:31

*OP

DarceyBusselsNose · 20/09/2017 08:33

"we" in the third person, (as in "we are not amused" a la' Queen Victoria) not "we" as in you and I (or in this case shop person and daughter).

Default setting in this forum is report people. Exactly what are you reporting him for? looking at you funny? talking like a monarch? Being nice? giving customer service?

Do your shopping on line then you wont have to speak to any 'strangers' and your DH can have you all bubble wrapped.

What is wrong with people?

Original poster
Calmanrose · 20/09/2017 08:34

The reading skills are pretty poor on here😁
I didn't say I wanted to report him. Dh wasn't there...i recounted the conversation. It doesn't come across here but it was more than friendly chat, honestly. Dd is actively encouraged to be independent. She orders at the till and pays for things by handing over money etc herself. We have had many nice conversations with people...male and female... she's gregarious and loves a chat.
This guy sent my spider senses tingling. I read a thread on here recently about people who knew when folk were dangerous.

I can't get it across here but it felt really creepy and out of line. I know he wasn't getting anywhere near my girl.
I wouldn't report but I won't go to that shop again I don't think.

OP posts:
Imamouseduh · 20/09/2017 08:35

Are you kidding me? You are not just being unreasonable, you are everything that is wrong with society.

sproutish · 20/09/2017 08:35

I wouldn’t have thought he was using “we” in the literal sense, like a PP said. More like “what have we been up to today” and so on. Blowing kisses a little bit over the top but he’s probably just being nice. It makes the time go much faster in boring service jobs if you can interact with customers in a friendly way.

Original poster
Calmanrose · 20/09/2017 08:36

Oh and it wasn't 'we' as in the royal we... he said he would push her on the swings..this was the point she started going shy and uncomfortable.

OP posts:
user1495832265 · 20/09/2017 08:41
Shock Hmm
DarceyBusselsNose · 20/09/2017 08:42

Was this check out guy creepy and would you report?

Clearly everyoine who has partken on this thread thinks reporting isnt the way to go - and do indulge us (collective us) exactly where would this hypothetical reporting take place?

And drip feeding - hes now taking her to the park ... that wasnt mentioned ....