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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this check out guy creepy and would you report?

109 replies

Calmanrose · 20/09/2017 07:34

Dd and I dropped into a shop yesterday. National chain but not a branch we had ever been in. The guy on the check out started to scan my items but stopped to get my 4yr old to give him a high five and a fist bump. Fair enough. Then he asked her 'are we going to the park later? ' she heard park and was all excited. The he asked if she was going to share her sweeties... at this point she says 'no ' and is rather less keen. There's more random chat etc calling her sweetheart. Until this point I felt it was just friendly if not rather irritating... Until we left and he blew her kisses.
Dh says I should complain. I did feel it was inappropriate but that he was merely trying to be friendly. I'm not going to complain but it did make me uncomfortable especially as we are at the stage of trying to make dd aware that she shouldn't talk to strangers.

OP posts:
Runningwater · 20/09/2017 08:42

'RedBlackberries

I wouldn't. The creeps that we should get scared about are the ones that blend right into society and wouldn't make such a friendly display in front of parents.'

THIS

I'm also wondering if he has some kind of ASD. I can imagine my Dad being like this. He loves kids and is brilliant with them but is socially very awkward.

Hillingdon · 20/09/2017 08:49

Definitely don't complain.

I agree with others - the national chains are looking at people on the spectrum who wouldn't normally be offered roles like this. Good for them. I think its great and its becoming more and more common.

Sometimes the chap at M&S on the till I often use is a little over the top but he is clearly trying very very hard to do a great job and engage.

icelollycraving · 20/09/2017 08:53

When I said I'd say she's not allowed to the park etc was to give a bit of a signal to the cashier if I was uncomfortable.
I also said I wouldn't report (the same as everyone else).
He just judged it wrongly with the op. Most of us are glad of a friendly chat!

trulybadlydeeply · 20/09/2017 09:04

My DS (8) has learning disabilities and autism. He loves to chat, and one of his "best friends" is a lady who works on the checkout at our local supermarket. They adore each other, and he always looks for her as soon as he goes in, and will shout her name across the store when he sees her, and they will then blow kisses to each other. This contact means a great deal to him.

I appreciate that this man's interaction with your DD was different - he had only just met her, but maybe he is just like that with the regular local children. I do wonder if you would have felt differently if he was female.

Not many children actively enjoy going shopping, unless it's looking for items for them, so maybe that store is just trying to focus on making the children that go in feel welcome?

On the other hand, it would be interesting to know how your DD felt about the interaction afterwards - did you ask her what she thought (subtly, obviously)?

Miserylovescompany2 · 20/09/2017 09:15

There is a man who works on the checkout of our local supermarket - some shoppers actively avoid him. He attempts to engage/connect folk in conversation, he sometimes quotes a nursery rhyme to the little ones. He makes me smile, we've had some very random conversations over the years...

I'd rather the above than the scripted chit-chat about the weather and alike - with a forced disingenuous 'have a nice day' stuck on the end!

Loyly · 20/09/2017 09:17

No, I don't think he was 'being creepy' and no, I wouldn't report him.

phoenix1973 · 20/09/2017 09:41

Im not sure how id feel about this.
But he didnt harm your child and hopefully didnt upset her.
It must be so boring on a checkout so i understand their need to chat. I don't like chat much but i chuck together some words at the checkout. Its not much to ask.
I would not complain.

JessicaEccles · 20/09/2017 10:21

I know he wasn't getting anywhere near my girl.

Oh- before that you were willing to hand your child over to complete strangers??? Hmm
Sometimes adults just get silly and teasing with children- it doesn't mean they are rampant kidnapping paedos.
Please come on next week and complain about how your little girl waved at a stranger and they completely ignored her...

makeourfuture · 20/09/2017 10:36

The creeps that we should get scared about are the ones that blend right into society

I think it is true that the man across the dinner table from you is who is most likely to do harm.

Original poster
Calmanrose · 20/09/2017 11:21

I thing dh meant that staff training 're how not to creep people out not get the guy sacked.
Interesting that on another thread someone says a date is too nice and loads jump in with trust your instincts.
Dd was shy and clearly recognised that it wasn't A usual exchange.

Oh.. and he gave her my change and told her it was hers for her bank.
I've nothing against friendly or banter but this made me uncomfortable which I think is all I need to say

OP posts:
RunningOutOfCharge · 20/09/2017 15:29

You aren't a spider...., so you don't have 'spider senses'Hmm

Also, till training is training on tills.... you don't get told how to speak to customers? Customers are just people, not special little snowflakes where you need to be trained to interact with them!!!

Littlebitshort · 20/09/2017 15:41

Op im guessing you had to be there. If you had that creepy feeling and if it felt wrong to you then it was. A little bit of talking to your dd sounds fine although annoying but the kiss blowing at the end in my opnion is inappropriate. Not sure if id report it, depends how i felt. He may well be on the spectrum and if i had complained/mentioned it and this was explained i would feel at ease and written it off. Did you talk to your dd about it after?

AngelsSins · 20/09/2017 15:52

It's stupid to ask if you would feel the same way if a woman said it, women don't commit the vast, vast majority of sexual crimes. If we look at men with more suspicion, that's because they're a bigger risk, do not tell women to ignore the facts and pretend women are just as likely to be a pervert.

OP, I'm very sensitive to things like this having been abused as a child. You should go with your gut, you were there, we weren't. Having said that, your DH can't report him as he did nothing "wrong".

PerfumeIsAMessage · 20/09/2017 17:56

Oh yeah, because guts are well known for being thinking, sensient parts of our anatomy Hmm

No, he wasn't being a creep
Yes, you were drip-feeding extra rather relevant information when the answers didn't go the way you expected.
Yes, your daughter is about a zillion times more likely to be abused by her granddad or her own father than any random bloke sitting in Tesco.

AngelsSins · 20/09/2017 18:06

It's a saying perfumelsamessage I'm sure it's not the first time you've heard it. Hmm and where did the OP say she was worried he would abuse her daughter?

LesDennishair · 20/09/2017 18:11

This guy sent my spider senses tingling. I read a thread on here recently about people who knew when folk were dangerous.

I wasn't sure before but now I'm convinced you should definitely report him to the supermarket. I'd mention the spider senses part particularly

FireSquirrel · 20/09/2017 18:19

You are obviously nuts. There is nothing wrong with any of the things you say he did. He was just being friendly, christ.

And you shouldn't teach your child not to talk to strangers.

KurriKurri · 20/09/2017 18:26

On the face of it, it seems fine - maybe a little over friendly, but perhaps just a bit socially clumsy. I call strange children sweetheart if I am in a situation where I talk to them (it's automatic for me having worked with children for years to use endearments).

But despite all the people ridiculing, if you felt there was something wrong, then I wouldn't totally dimiss your feelings. If you read 'The Gift of Fear' by G de Becker it explains that those feelings we find hard to name - the gut, the insticnt,t he sixth sense or whatever are actually based on tiny little clues that we have registered almost unconsciously, that are somehow odd or wrong.

People mocking you for use the phrase 'spider senses' are being deliberately obtuse - we all know what you mean.

I wouldn't report this guy (there is really nothing to report) but I would say if you ever have that odd feeling at least give it thought, don't dismiss out of hand.

RunningOutOfCharge · 20/09/2017 18:27

angel yes a saying.... with absolutely no grounds!

'Gut feeling' Grin what a load of tosh!

purpledonkey · 20/09/2017 18:29

Is this the paranoid world we live in that a sodding checkout operator is clearly a paedo/child abductor?

Christ alive.

LesDennishair · 20/09/2017 18:32

If you read 'The Gift of Fear' by G de Becker

Well that's an absolute mess of a book, a warning to anybody attempting to read. A pity really. Very badly written. Grin

People mocking you for use the phrase 'spider senses' are being deliberately obtuse - we all know what you mean.

We all know what it means, obviously, but it's not something you expect a grown adult to come out with. Spidey senses!

blahdyblahblah · 20/09/2017 18:42

I think he was being sweet.

AngelsSins · 20/09/2017 19:35

RunningOutOfCharge it's interesting that you pick to attack a very common phrase and dismiss a woman's instincts, than consider this man may not have been a perfectly harmless member of society. Why are you so invested in dismissing women's instincts?

When I was a kid, after having being abused by my dad, I was taken to a family party by my mum. I was probably around 10 or 12 at the time and one man cornered me in the kitchen and told me how pretty he thought I was, and told me to sit on his lap. I was scared, my instincts were telling me this man wasn't right, even thought there were plenty of other people around. My mum took the same line as you when I told her and told me to stop being so rude and that he was probably just lonely and to go and talk to him. I guess you think she was right huh and I was just being paranoid?

Amanduh · 20/09/2017 19:39

This thread actually makes me a bit sad. As if chatting to a 4 year old is now inappropriate. Soon nobody will talk to people for fear of being reported

AngelsSins · 20/09/2017 20:03

Amandu what makes me sad is not just people dismissing how the OP felt, but also that it made her daughter uncomfortable. In fact not one person defending him has mention her DD and her reaction, apparently that doesn't matter.