Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is right!? DH or I???

80 replies

MrsLuckStephens · 21/08/2017 18:05

Hello! DS is going to university in September. He's doing a foundation year (he will be at university 3 days a week) before he does the actual degree.

We live in Chelmsford and he'll need to go to Luton.

DH says it's an easy commute and he can do that. I say that it's far too long! It seems to be just under 2 hours. DH says it's fine as it's just 3 days a week...

DS says he would rather stay at home (he says that most people will be at full-time university) but thinks it might be a bit too long to commute (he would move out for year 1-3) but says it might be okay for year 0.

Who is right?

OP posts:
PinkHeart5911 · 21/08/2017 18:08

Just 3 days a week? I'm with your dh, your ds should definitely be able to manage that commute

FrogTime · 21/08/2017 18:10

I don't think he'll know until he's tried it!

That's a big commute but 3 days is better than 5 for it. How much will it cost in relation to moving out? Will he get maintenance loan/Grant without moving out to cover travel expenses? Is it peak Times so will actually take longer? He could do essays in that time so might actually be valuable as there are no TVs etc as distractions.
Lots of variables to think about.
I don't think anyone IBU!

Original poster
MrsLuckStephens · 21/08/2017 18:10

That's almost 4 hours of travelling a day! Shock the most he has ever done is his school bus Blush

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 21/08/2017 18:11

If ds wants to stay at home, thats it really.

He can do it for the first year and then change his mind next year.

Doesnt matter who is right.

Original poster
MrsLuckStephens · 21/08/2017 18:12

Essays is a very good point! Yes, his loan would cover any travel costs... It's definitely cheaper.

OP posts:
chips4teaplease · 21/08/2017 18:12

I'd want him to live in, so he can spend those four hours a day in study or enjoying himself. But as you're in the south and long commutes are part of everyday life for so many people, perhaps he should get used to it from the start.

NapQueen · 21/08/2017 18:13

Is it all on one form of transport? Or is it walk/bus/tram/another bus type thing?

One form of transport at least he can sit and read and relax.

topcat2014 · 21/08/2017 18:14

80% of the country travel for no more than half an hour to get too and from work.

I would not want to spend 4 hours a day travelling, even for one day per week.

caffeinestream · 21/08/2017 18:15

He'll miss out on the social aspect if he stays home - I think he'll regret it.

Singyourheartout · 21/08/2017 18:15

I'm from Luton and the transport system can be 50/50. if he had morning lectures I would say he would have to leave mega early. The actually university is not to far from the actually train station, about 10 min walk but the university has different part of the uni all over town so it would depend where his fauculty is based. If he want to commune let him and he will have to find his own way and sort out his own arrangements. Let him get on with it when he grows tired of it.

Moanyoldcow · 21/08/2017 18:16

I think that's insane actually. 4 hours travel on shitty unreliable trains? That seems unsustainable.

Twinkleheth · 21/08/2017 18:17

When I went to uni first time around I had a long commute and spent the time reading and taking notes. It was actually really helpful. If there isn't any other option then it's best to look at the positives - he can sleep, chat to friends, do coursework/prep...bet he gets more done on the travel days than the days he's at home Wink

Original poster
MrsLuckStephens · 21/08/2017 18:18

He will move out for year 1-3, so he wouldn't miss out. However, I do think he should live there. He says he will actually be quite lonely (as everyone will be at uni when he isn't) so that's why I suppose I do see his point.

There's a couple of different trains involved and a bus, but DH would probably drop him at the station on the way to work, so no bus.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 21/08/2017 18:18

Are the three nights together? Cheap (and regular) B&B nights one and two, travelling from home morning one and home evening three. If its a regular agreement with the B&B owner he could even leave a suitcase there.

Original poster
MrsLuckStephens · 21/08/2017 18:20

Oh, that's a very good idea. Yes, the days are all together - will definitely look into that.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 21/08/2017 18:21

Some even do an evening meal in the deal too.

Sparkletastic · 21/08/2017 18:23

Agree with PP - he should stay part week if cheap lodgings can be found. Too much to do every day.

JennyHolzersGhost · 21/08/2017 18:25

AirBnB? You can probably find someone on there who would love to rent a room for a couple of nights a week.

Ameliablue · 21/08/2017 18:25

I don't think it is an unreasonable commute.

Bumply · 21/08/2017 18:26

Ds1 has 3 days at uni per week and decided to live with his dad and commute which must take him over an hour.
It's cheaper than him being in halls, and he's particularly antisocial so doesn't feel he misses out on doing things in the evening.
It's not ideal in terms of becoming more independent (out one parental nest and into the other), but he's happy.

Dina1234 · 21/08/2017 18:27

That's not that bad. He could always do some of his work in the train. In my first year of university I commuted between 1:15 and 2 hours (depending on what time of day I went it etc).

coddiwomple · 21/08/2017 18:32

As a (part-time) commuter wasting 3 or 4 hours a day in public transport, I would say it's a complete waste of time. It's possible, so many of us do it, but it's a waste.

Also look at house share: I know some people who would be delighted to have a lodger for a couple of nights a week, just a bit more cash but no-one at weekends etc. It's ideal when you are a couple renting a room in your home but like your privacy.

lazarusb · 21/08/2017 18:36

I commute for 4 hours (more actually). It's not the end of the world and much cheaper than renting somewhere nearer.

dotdotdotmustdash · 21/08/2017 18:39

Youth hostel for a couple of nights on a regular booking? We considered this for my Ds when he decided to go to Uni in a town 50 miles away. The local YH had private rooms for £25 per night so he would have been cheaper staying over a couple of nights than booking full-time accommodation. He decided that he wants to stay there Mon-Fri so he did book into halls.

user1492692527 · 21/08/2017 18:40

It's part of growing up! If it doesn't work he will need to have another plan but to be honest at his age I would let him make his own decisions.

Swipe left for the next trending thread