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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is right!? DH or I???

80 replies

MrsLuckStephens · 21/08/2017 18:05

Hello! DS is going to university in September. He's doing a foundation year (he will be at university 3 days a week) before he does the actual degree.

We live in Chelmsford and he'll need to go to Luton.

DH says it's an easy commute and he can do that. I say that it's far too long! It seems to be just under 2 hours. DH says it's fine as it's just 3 days a week...

DS says he would rather stay at home (he says that most people will be at full-time university) but thinks it might be a bit too long to commute (he would move out for year 1-3) but says it might be okay for year 0.

Who is right?

OP posts:

Tazerface · 21/08/2017 18:42

Not being funny, but I did a full time BA and only had lectures 3 or 4 days a week. I could have got a train Watford junction to Liverpool that would be 2ish hours each way.

He'll miss out on the social side of things which would be a shame.

Daisymay2 · 21/08/2017 18:42

Don't think he will get much work done on the train into London from Chelmsford, and you can't use a railcard early in the morning. It is often standing room only, and probably the same at night . I think I would try for a regular B&B or AirBNB or similar. AIR BNB might be better as he can reheat meals etc,

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/08/2017 18:44

If I were him I'd look at a 'midweek room' (there used to be loads on Gumtree once upon a time) as lots of couple need a bit extra money but would prefer the place to themselves at the weekend.

If I were you I'd suggest it, then let him crack on with his own plans. He's old enough to figure out what's best for him. Truly.

Mushroomburger17 · 21/08/2017 18:44

He should live there in proper student digs and work

FruitBadger · 21/08/2017 18:44

Has he got his lecture times through yet? When I was at Uni the early ones could start at 8am and the latest ones finished at 7pm. Is there a train that will get him there that early? I stayed at home & commuted for my 3 years at Uni (not that unusual where I went) I wouldn't have been able to get a train from my local station to get there that early, but I did have a car so had that as a backup option

Fruitcorner123 · 21/08/2017 18:45

I think its too much and he wont be able to work on the train if he cant get a seat. Thats a tough year for him! The b and b option sounds a good compromise.

Butteredparsnip1ps · 21/08/2017 18:47

Chelmsford to Luton isn't a 2 hour commute...

ChippingInLovesWoollyHugs · 21/08/2017 18:48

He'll miss out on the social side of things which would be a shame

He already said he will move there years 1-3, so no, he won't 'miss out'.

Year 0 he doesn't want to as he'll 'be bored & lonely' while everyone is in lectures (I think he's wrong & it won't be how he think it'll be, but it's his choice).

BabyHen · 21/08/2017 18:49

I worked FT and did a PT masters - 1 day per week, 2hrs travel each way. I managed it! Now commute 1 hr each way, with DC.

3 days/wk for the comfort and savings of living at home - totally doable.

Birdsgottafly · 21/08/2017 18:49

I think you both need to take a step back and let him grow up.

He'll know quite quickly if the commute is too long and can make other plans.

If he'd like to stay at home then do you want to force him out?

GeekyWombat · 21/08/2017 18:50

Air BNB type situations are your friend - especially if you find somewhere convenient with a trustworthy landlord who might be ok with doing a deal for multiple nights a week over an extended period.

For what it's worth I went to uni somewhere about 1.5 hours commute from where I lived and moved into halls to do so. I loved it. That said I'm not sure how different a foundation year would be - I think that might be the crux of the issue. If it was first year undergrad I'd definitely be agreeing with you!

whycantwegoonasthree · 21/08/2017 18:51

Butteredparnsip1ps - it totes is 2 hrs.

maddening · 21/08/2017 18:52

If he has a laptop he could use his 4hours travel to study if he is on a train and has a seat reserved.

FuzzyCustard · 21/08/2017 18:52

Like many people, I did this kind of commute for 5 days a week for many years. It's not impossible, it gives plenty of time for reading and I don't see any reason why he can't do it.

Leeds2 · 21/08/2017 18:52

I would worry that he would miss out on the social side. It will be a long year before he can live there full time in Year 1.
Any chance he could live there full time, and work on some or all of the days he isn't in lectures? So that he could fund the accommodation himself.

MTBMummy · 21/08/2017 18:52

I travelled 4 hours a day 5 days a week for 5 years, and found it was some of the best time I had, I could read, watch movies, listen to music, work or sleep, it's really not that bad. If he ends up working in London but living outside of London, it's a good experiance

ALittleMop · 21/08/2017 18:53

The commute will be a nightmare.

He should dry run it - like tomorrow, this weds and thurs - and next week at the times he'd need to leave - and see how it feels.

Then he can decide in an informed way.

Softkitty2 · 21/08/2017 18:54

3 consecutive days will be rough and he will be tired. Everyday other day maybe not so much.

Take into consideration traffic, road accidents etc

5rivers7hills · 21/08/2017 18:57

Is there a premier inn or something he can stay in 2 nights a week? (If the 3 days are consecutive)

I think 4 hours a day is at the upper end of comfortable, especially in winter but he's young and it's not every day

5rivers7hills · 21/08/2017 18:59

He could probably get mid week lodgings - I have a mid week lodger live with me

ALittleMop · 21/08/2017 18:59

He'll have to get between stations in London too - walk or tube. It's not a nice 2 hours sitting down on one train.

Original poster

MrsLuckStephens · 21/08/2017 19:00

He has a car and drives, but I'd have said that was worse?

He could fund the accommodation himself anyway (has worked during Sixth Form and saved a lot) but he is quite a nervous lad and would find it hard to be lonely (very family oriented) but again, I still think he should move out I think that commute is very long!

I do think the B&B is a fab idea and will look into that.

OP posts:

DudeHatesHisCarryOut · 21/08/2017 19:00

According to Trainline it would be 40 mins into London, then the Underground, then 40 minutes out again. That seems crazy!

I think he'd be far better off staying the two nights there. It would save so much time.

Could he try the journey tomorrow and see what he makes of it?

LakieLady · 21/08/2017 19:02

For 3 days pw he wouldn't save anything by getting a season ticket, so his fares will be expensive. It probably wouldn't be much more expensive to do Air BNB or even a Travel Lodge for 2 nights a week.

Four hours a day travelling sounds hellish to me, even if it is only 3 days pw. And that journey will only be 4 hours when there are no strikes/snow/signal failures/people jumping in front of trains etc.

whycantwegoonasthree · 21/08/2017 19:03

Another thought - presumably he will have some kind of part-time job to pay his way and take up the remaining time he's not in college. (and not be a lazy, entitled millennial)

What will he be doing and where?

If he's going to be working near university then it makes sense to stay there, and that might be a better option so he can stick with the job when he's there five days a week...

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