To think some people are just shallow?!

[Whattheactualfu]

Name changed. Please be kind! I'm a little offended...

So I tried online dating. Got chatting to this guy. He asks me what I do for a living so I told him.
I also mentioned how I'm on long term sick leave as I dislocated my knee at work. I'm off for 6 months due to some damage it has caused and intense physio etc. Hopefully will be back sooner than that.

This was the response after he went quiet and I lightheartedly asked if that had put him off;

He might be put off because you didn't answer his question.

She says she did tell him.

Oh sorry, she says she did, but the message doesn't look like she did.

Weeell he was honest I suppose!

Wouldn't say that was shallow to be honest. "Long term sick" conjured up all sorts of negative connotations for many people. Whatever his reasons - ditch and move on and you've not wasted time on a relationship which is not right.

Are you a police officer? He may have been a drug dealer, hence why he was put off. You probably had a lucky escape!

But you said you had 'physical health issues' which sounds a bit odd.
Why didn't you just say you had twisted your knee?

Well I'd gently suggest you're not cut out for online dating if you can't handle this. I'd also put it to you that you maybe gave TMI. It wasn't the most, well, flirtatious of answers! You know you're trying to build up a head of sexual steam here, right?

I'm a bit confused...was he put off because of your job? Or because you're off sick?

I suspect that had you actually told him what you do and explained why you are off sick yoy may have had a different response. But what you actually said wasn't that at all.

Honestly? Yes people are shallow but your response comes across a bit like you don't want to work but trying to make out like you do.

You say that you told him why you were off sick but your response doesn't indicate that you did. His question about what so you do for a job looks like it's been ignored in your reply and comes across as though there are bigger problems there than you actually have. Does that makes sense?!

He said what do you do for a job? I would have replied "I'm a and I absolutely love it. I'm off work though due to dislocating my knee but I can't wait to go back"

I would be put off by your answer tbh. If you said you twisted your knee, no bother but it's almost shrouded in mystery. I wouldn't be able to stop thinking of the worst.

I don't think he sounds particularly shallow - he wanted lighthearted 'getting to know you' chat and you told him you were on long-term sick due to physical issues.

If he knew you already, it would be shallow.

As it is, you're nothing to him yet so he is also saying that word upthread - next!

At least he both replied and apologised.

Reading your message, I'd have thought you had some sort of on-going health issue. Maybe I'm shallow, but I don't know if I'd be interested in starting a relationship with someone serious hello issues.

I don't think it's necessarily shallow, it's just nature - people are attracted to healthy, happy people so of course mention of sickness might put someone off.

Dating sites are pretty brutal. I had a dabble and quickly learned it's just best not to mention my widow status immediately, it's better to lead with the qualities that make me me, rather than labels. No need to mention the rest until you've got to know each other a bit better or you're getting towards arranging to meet.

When I answered him I was really distracted. This is my first attempt at dating after escaping a highly abusive relationship with my DDs Dad. It's been a while! I'm out of practice and still terrified of men a bit. Trying to get over it by doing this!

It says on my profile what my job is. And I didn't want to reveal too much too soon. There are complex issues with my knee and I didn't want to bore him!

Health

Long term sick sounds nothing like a twisted knee

If you'd said you'd twisted your knee and would be off for a while then I think it would have been fine

If you're a copper you won't be off for six months, they'll have you at a desk within a month

I work with Aircraft and caught an infection in my knee which landed me very very ill. I have to pass a medical to be allowed to do what I do. Was trying not to bore him. Sorry

It was an off putting answer to be honest. Like others have said writing 'long term physical health issues' is non-specific but sounds like it would make dating impractical.

You should have just put that you'd buggered up your knee.

I can't help but be a bit protective of myself and info about myself as we've essentially been hiding for the past 18 months.

Sod it. I'm just not going to date again. Not for many many years anyway. If ever. I'm clearly not cut out for it.

Whatthe I've found OLD to be shallow and quite brutal in the past. Though your last post strikes me, you still feel terrified of men?

It sounds like you've had a really tough time and well done for getting out of what sounds like a truly horrible relationship. I'm sure you know what's right for you and I would hate to come across as patronising but I just wonder if you need a bit more time to process all you've been through before stepping into the chaotic world of OLD!

Obviously you know yourself better than me! I wish you the best of luck whatever you choose to do