To think some people are just shallow?!

[Whattheactualfu]

Name changed. Please be kind! I'm a little offended...

So I tried online dating. Got chatting to this guy. He asks me what I do for a living so I told him.
I also mentioned how I'm on long term sick leave as I dislocated my knee at work. I'm off for 6 months due to some damage it has caused and intense physio etc. Hopefully will be back sooner than that.

This was the response after he went quiet and I lightheartedly asked if that had put him off;

Whatthe look, AIBU is worse than any OD!

Cross post whatthe,

If now isn't the right time for OLD, that's absolutely ok. I was a single parent for many years and it is lonely and difficult so I understand just wanting somebody to be there.

If now isn't the right time for dating it definitely doesn't mean the right time will never come

Thanks Still. I'm not. I don't have any friends at all to talk to. I can't contact anyone for fear of being found. I just cry all day & night, I'm no use to any man!

I guess I just felt miss the naughty stuff if you know what I mean?! Though whether I'll ever be able to go near a man again without flinching is anyone's guess.

Thanks for your kind reply x

Whattheactualfu sadly, blind dating/internet dating/friends setting up friends is all based around an initial attraction/connection. So in that sense, yes it can indeed, IMHO be shallow.

It's not like getting to know someone through work or church or college etc where you get to know people slowly. In those slow 'cases' any smaller minor 'turnoffs' are lost in the bigger picture of when you get on, when they help you out, etc etc.

Having said that I met my husband through a dating service, before Internet dating, so it can be done!

King the OP said she did tell him, she just didn't tell us.

I'm beginning to realise that Growing

I'll remember your comment xx

Maybe not shallow, but possibly a lucky escape from someone who doesn't have an empathy mode. Someone who could switch on empathy mode whilst still in polite chitchat mode would probably ask "oh dear, what's up?" before deciding whether or not the relationship was for them.

My hunch is that his reaction was "too ill for a good shag"

Why didn't you just say you work for aircraft but off with knee issues

And reading your last couple of posts, it sounds like you're a bit fragile to be dating randoms via OLD, for the moment.

Sounds most likely PickAChew!!!

Because I'm an idiot undateable mess. Clearly. Plus I was distracted and upset at the time about something completely different. X

Tbh if I'd been through what you have i don't think I'd do online dating. You are vulnerable. You might meet someone who totally isn't what they say they are and they're out of context as you won't really know anything about them.
If you let anyone know what you've been through it leaves you vulnerable again. Maybe join meetup or something and find some friends in your new area.
... Oh and are you a pilot?

I'd concentrate on making some new friends and put the dating thing well on the back burner.

He didn't use question marks, so I'd say you had a lucky escape.

What is Meetup?

Used to be. He screwed that up for me as well. Now I dispatch aircraft. X

that was a very bizarre response OP

Which response?

Whattheactualfu "When I answered him I was really distracted."

It happens but I would suggest being on the ball. I once had a whole conversation with a man who I thought was a concert pianist (well, a professional musician) and music was a hobby. I had got him mixed up,. not the dating agency!

"This is my first attempt at dating after escaping a highly abusive relationship with my DDs Dad. It's been a while! I'm out of practice and still terrified of men a bit. Trying to get over it by doing this!"

PLEASE, PLEASE get some counselling and find a way to make casual friends through hobbies and activities, a cooking class or motor mechanics, art whatever, gently ease back into social life. Dating is BRUTAL and you do need to heal. No wonder you terrified of men, some are appaling. But some are not. Internet dating is IMHO not the best way to find a man if you are scared of men.

"Sod it. I'm just not going to date again. Not for many many years anyway. If ever. I'm clearly not cut out for it." You do not need to make rash decision like this. Just say to yourself, I am going to focus on making new friends, (or either sex) getting confident around people, developing some skills, etc etc, IMHO.

"There are complex issues with my knee and I didn't want to bore him!" Then I would avoid all talk of your knee. Just talk about work (with friends etc) and be general. If you need to say anything, say I twisted my knee and I'm off work at the moment. But no one is going to ask this so you can avoid talking about you knee quite easily, IMHO.

It wasn't a bizarre response! It was perfectly nice and polite. Ok, maybe op could have explained a bit more but it was a long way from 'bizarre.'

He wasn't necessarily shallow, but you are not in the "right place" with your mental health at present for OLD. Sounds like your knee recovery, retaining your job, mental health and recovery from your abusive relationship, and working towards friendships, are much more pressing priorities.

And be nice and kind to you, I think you need it.

You may find that a nice liberal Anglican church or Methodist church (nothing too over the top - Yes, I am a Christian!) with a toddler group, a craft group or some such thing would be a cheap way to mix with people without committing to anything specific or expensive. There will be other social clubs etc around locally and these could help you build up your talking to people skills after being in an abusive relationship and being off work and being away from friends etc.

XXXXX

"Long-term sick leave" will have done it, OP. He probably wants to jump your bones, not care for you!

If someone told me they'd been off work for six months due to "physical health issues" I would think they were dying or disabled or at the very best too unwell to be interest in sex within the next five years. In my mind I'd be thinking something serious like cancer, multiple sclerosis, or even "only" CFS. All of which would put me off. By contrast a twisted knee wouldn't put me off at all.

when he asked what you did for a living... I thought your reply bizarre ...

you complicated a simple question x

I wouldn't have mentioned my health at all in a first chat. To me that is revealing and over sharing for a first light chat with anyone. Your job is your job whether you're off for a bit or not.

Your response would have put me off tbh.

I would reply again and say you have hurt your knee and it's not as sinister as it first sounded.