To think no wedding list=no present

[Bostin]

AIBU to think that if you do not provide a wedding list or include a request for cash as you have already set up home (as most couples these days) or even a dodgy poem then you are not expecting to be bought a gift or given a sum of money?

YABU

Noooo always present.

But it can be an inexpensive 'personal' thing. Like art.

Interesting. We didn't ask for anything and got some gifts but certainly not from all which was fine as we didn't expect anything.

Some people actually think it's bad manners to provide a list or ask for money. They wait until people offer.

Maybe maybe not, I'd still give something though as a gesture. I can't imagine going to a wedding without a gift.

😂

Of course people don't expect one but what are you implying? Have you received an invite without a list and are hoping to turn up withou something? Very rude if you are.

Should birthday invites etc also include lists?

No, it just means you have a little class.

Then you can play the 'you shouldn't' 'I must' dance.

I requested no presents but if people felt they had to then they could choose from a small list which included Marmite, PG Tips tea bags and brown sauce.

You absolutely have to give people permission if you want no gifts. Be plain.

Actually, not providing a tacky gift registry is traditionally the polite thing to do. A wedding invitation should not be a gift grab. YABU.

But a discussion this evening has led me to believe that I may be unusual in this viewpoint.

Traditionally people were invited and then asked the Bride's family what they should give, then were given the list by them. Very time consuming and weird but worked.

YABU. We didn't include a wedding list or mention gifts in our invitation in any way. My mother would have considered it the very height of bad manners.

Everyone gave us a gift.

Because I didn't ask for gifts and didn't expect any I thought that when others don't ask for anything then that meant they felt the same as me.

Exactly it shouldn't be a gift grab!

Did people really come with nothing? I find that quite strange to be honest. Small tokens are lovely but nothing would be considered very rude in my family (mainly Scottish if that makes a difference).

At my wedding we didn't have a wedding list or a request for anything like cash. However, we live in Cyprus and STBXH is Cypriot so the common theme is to give cash and it's genuinely not considered rude here which took me ages to get my head around.

A lot of the British guests brought presents, which was way more exciting as everyone knew we were already living together with a baby so they really used their imaginations which was so thoughtful. My favourite presents were an ice cream maker, an art set and a home made 'parent kit' - which included ear plugs, champagne, condoms and a massage set

How strange. Are you all in the UK? I genuinely didn't expect gifts as we'd been together for years and didn't need anything so didn't ask.
But it seems I am in a minority and that people don't ask for gifts to be polite but really are expecting presents.

Yes people came with nothing.

Nationalities at my weddings ( I've had more than one) were:

Polish
Israeli
English, Scots and Irish
Canadian
Japanese
American
Swedish
Bahamanian
Luxembourger (sic)
Pakistani
Many second generations... Ukrainian/German, Jamaican and the like.

No one came with nothing. The lovely Israeli friend of DH was notable for spending a fortune when he was asked explicitly to spend nothing.

I think lots of people, especially if they've been living together for ages and have set up home etc., only expect gifts in the sense that think it's inevitable people will give them things rather than having an attitude of really looking forward to all the loot. So the lists and honeymoon registries and the like are just a way to try and direct that into a form of giving that feels less wasteful than 3 partial dinner services, 12 photo frames, 4 soda streams and 35 cut glass vases that will look awful and take up too much space in your modern one-bedroom-no-closets flat on the far reaches of the tube.

I think the polite thing to do is ask them. Last wedding I attended without giftlist; couple been together years suggested gift vouchers from b and q so they could tackle the garden. I'd be really to come with nothing.

I'm Scottish.

Gifts weren't expected we wouldn't have batted an eyelid if someone didn't bring one, but not specifically mentioning them in the invitation doesn't mean they aren't appropriate.

It just means they have traditional manners IME.

YABU.

It's not 'If you don't ask for a gift, it means you don't want one'. That's not how gifts work.

I wouldn't go to a dinner party without a gift for the host. Why on earth would anyone go to the biggest party most people throw in their lives without a gift for them?

YABU

I honestly ever hear on MN the outrage at wedding gifts/money. In real life I would not give a second thought to request for money or a gift list.

We did not request anything at our wedding but were given lots of money/vouchers which was very much appreciated but not expected. I think this post highlights you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.