Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Not going to an evening reception after rvsping yes?

101 replies

sailorcherries · 07/07/2017 22:44

OH and I were invited to a uni friend's (of mine) evening reception and we rsvpd yes.

The wedding is taking place about 1 hour drive away, but would cost upwards of £80odd in a taxi each way as it isn't a good route.

When we were invited we didn't have funds to book a hotel or b&b, we assumed it wouldn't be an issue as there are 3 premier inns, 2 travelodges and at least 15 hotels within a 10 minute drive radius.

Tonight we took to the internet and have discovered a major sporting event taking place during that time, in the same town as the wedding (not football, tennis etc but a sport with a lot of spectators). The only two hotels we've found have had rooms for over £300, which we cannot afford. We can find nothing, not a hotel or b&b with availability within a 20 mile radius.

It's getting to the point where we might not be able to to as a result. We cannot afford over £160 in taxi fares there and back plus drinks and outfits (I am 7 weeks post partum and my old clothes don't fit). If we cannot find anywhere we cannot go, or we could but one of us would need to drive there and back.
Would it be unreasonable not to go? We could, technically, still get there but the lack of overnight accommodation is putting us off.

OP posts:

specialsubject · 07/07/2017 22:46

Not unreasonable at all. Let the couple know with your apologies.

CheeseGirl4 · 07/07/2017 22:46

Have you looked at airbnb?

MumsOnCrack · 07/07/2017 22:47

Not for an evening reception. Don't feel bad and just let them know before.

iwantavuvezela · 07/07/2017 22:47

I would go fo the option of one of you been the designated driver, which means you don't have to worry about a taxi.
I think if you have rsvp'd, then you should try and go, and there does seem to be an option

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 07/07/2017 22:47

It's perfectly reasonable not to go, as long as you tell Bride or Groom beforehand.
Just failing to turn up is rude.

(I wouldn't go in your situation either)

NuffSaidSam · 07/07/2017 22:47

I was with until you got to the bit about having to drive. So you don't need to get a taxi or hotel. Just drive!

I can't be arsed to drive for 1 hour is not really a good enough reason to go after having rsvp'd yes.

ZoeWashburne · 07/07/2017 22:47

It's fine to decline attending but it's not ok to just no-show. Call the bride now and say you can't make it. Send a nice card and a small gift. Don't feel guilty.

Firenight · 07/07/2017 22:48

Just drive. It's only an hour away.

Notknownatthisaddress · 07/07/2017 22:48

YANBU if you can't go and you let them know.

When is it?

venys · 07/07/2017 22:48

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Especially since you have a 7 week old as well. Send the apologies to the couple ASAP though and let them know why. I am sure they will understand.

mamatiger83 · 07/07/2017 22:49

No, not unreasonable at all. A simple honest explanation is all that's required. IMO it would BU to just not attend and give no reason ( I'm not implying you would do that). I find that generally if you treat people with the courtesy you would like to receive everyone stays happy :)

acquiescence · 07/07/2017 22:49

Just go and drive there and back. Are you both big drinkers and want to have a drink there? Me and my OH both like to drink when socialising but in this situation I would just offer to drive.

Notknownatthisaddress · 07/07/2017 22:50

An hour isn't far, (to drive,) but as the OP said, one of the would not be able to drink.

Gazelda · 07/07/2017 22:50

I'd drive 1 hour for an evening reception. Is the baby going with you?

Figgygal · 07/07/2017 22:50

Seriously why can't one of you drive?

You either want to go and therefore one of you takes the hit and doesn't drink or you don't.
It's not that far or hard to not drink for one night

JamesSpaderMadeMeDoIt · 07/07/2017 22:52

Go for a couple of hours considering you've rsvp'd then drive home and crack open a bottle of wine. Obviously if you're feeling up to it.

Did you only accept the invitation on the proviso you could have a drink?

Original poster

sailorcherries · 07/07/2017 22:58

NuffSaid the vast majority of the drive would be down country roads, often single lane, that OH has never driven and I am not confident with/comfortable with at night time (after the reception finished) due to an incident in the same area (I lived near there, winding wet roads and I ended up partway in a ditch, unhurt thankfully, due to some knob taking a blind corner wide and too fast). Hence driving being the "not really wanting to but could" option. My dad also offered to drive us but that is 4 hours of driving for him, which makes me feel guilty.

OP posts:

StealthNinjaMum · 07/07/2017 22:59

I think YABU. If I had agreed to come to an event of course I would go. Surely if you care enough about these people to want to help them celebrate their wedding one of you can drive and not drink? I am in no way a bridezilla but I would be hurt if friends changed their mind about attending my reception because they didn't want to drive for an hour and not drink.

Original poster

sailorcherries · 07/07/2017 23:02

No we accepted the invitation on the provisio that we wanted to celebrate with our friends. We never intended to drive to the venue, most hotels would be about 15-20 minutes away with the last part of the drive over the aforementioned roads.

Obviously I'd like a drink and catch up with uni friends as they all stay down that area, and with jobs and children we find it hard to catch up. OH wanted to drink as he doesn't know anyone.

OP posts:

MickeyRooney · 07/07/2017 23:03

No feckin' way would i do all that, for just an evening invite.
they probably won't even notice whether you're there or not.

Original poster

sailorcherries · 07/07/2017 23:04

We also fully intended to go, my outfit and shoes are hanging up ready :(

OP posts:

bbcessex · 07/07/2017 23:09

Is it a big wedding? If so.. I'd say go ahead and let the B&G know you can't make it.. (I'd tell a white lie about babysitting or similar).

They won't miss you by the evening .

HundredMilesAnHour · 07/07/2017 23:09

I find it weird that you prioritise alcohol over attending your friend's reception. It's one night, surely you and/or your OH can manage without drinking?

As for your OH "never having driven" the country lanes before, so what?! You only go to places where you've driven before? How do you manage when you go somewhere new?

It just sounds like a lot of excuses to me.

Crispbutty · 07/07/2017 23:11

Explain the situation to your friend. Someone else may have a room booked that they aren't going to use.

choli · 07/07/2017 23:17

No way on earth would i drive an hour each way on country lanes for a wedding where i was only invited for the evening reception.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread