Not going to an evening reception after rvsping yes?

[sailorcherries]

OH and I were invited to a uni friend's (of mine) evening reception and we rsvpd yes.

The wedding is taking place about 1 hour drive away, but would cost upwards of £80odd in a taxi each way as it isn't a good route.

When we were invited we didn't have funds to book a hotel or b&b, we assumed it wouldn't be an issue as there are 3 premier inns, 2 travelodges and at least 15 hotels within a 10 minute drive radius.

Tonight we took to the internet and have discovered a major sporting event taking place during that time, in the same town as the wedding (not football, tennis etc but a sport with a lot of spectators). The only two hotels we've found have had rooms for over £300, which we cannot afford. We can find nothing, not a hotel or b&b with availability within a 20 mile radius.

It's getting to the point where we might not be able to to as a result. We cannot afford over £160 in taxi fares there and back plus drinks and outfits (I am 7 weeks post partum and my old clothes don't fit). If we cannot find anywhere we cannot go, or we could but one of us would need to drive there and back.
Would it be unreasonable not to go? We could, technically, still get there but the lack of overnight accommodation is putting us off.

[ihatethecold]

How odd you can't go to a friends reception unless you both drink.
Surely your friend is more important than alcohol.
If you went and didn't leave too late the roads would still be light.
It's summer!

[Ellieboolou27]

In the circumstances I'd get dh to drive, he might feel awkward at first but it's a bit immature of him to say he can't go out and mix with people he doesn't know unless if he can have a drink.
It's only an hour so not as if it's halfway across the country.

[glitterlips1]

I would drive if it was only an hour away but I think you have already talked yourselves out of it.

[MargaretRiver]

But the "idiot on a blind corner" scenario could happen whether you're driving home or taxi-Ing to a Travelodge 20 mins away, surely
Even more so if your poor Dad drove there & back twice

Just go , you'll have a great time catching up with old friends, drinking or not
Or if you really don't want to, there's no shame in admitting to yourself that you're not ready to leave your baby yet.

[crunched]

Weighing up how many of my friends are more important than alcohol... only 1 so far (hic)

[AllPizzasGreatAndSmall]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Especially since you have a 7 week old as well.

It sounds as if the OP is intending to leave the baby with somebody for the night because she was planning on drinking and staying overnight, her 7 week old is not why she is considering not going.

[Rubies12345]

Usually they want the final number for the buffet about a week before, so if you tell them now they probably won't lose money

[JamesSpaderMadeMeDoIt]

I agree with MargaretRiver either way your going to have to get on those darn roads to get to the venue either way.

It depends on how much of a friend you are. Is it critical that you have a drink? Really?

If you don't want to go let the bride know as soon as possible as they would have paid for two places for the evening reception.

[rinabean]

go or not but if you aren't going to, tell them asap

Not to be rude but you're only an evening invite. It won't ruin their day. But maybe they can invite someone else in your place if they've had a limit. And it's just more polite anyway

If they get in a mood they are being unreasonable. Again you are only an evening invite. The sooner you tell them, the less excuse they have to be annoyed

[user1493059174]

Not unreasonable at all. Just explain to them, send a card and gift and arrange a get together after their honeymoon

[KERALA1]

If it's a chance to see a group of far flung friends in one go one hour away I would drive and not drink. Don't see the issue

[Spermysextowel]

When is the wedding?

[Freshprincess]

If i really wanted to go I'd drive.
Having a 7 week old is a good excuse in itself though. I wouldn't have left mine at that age to go the Co Op at the end of the road. (I'm very neurotic so maybe not a good example).

[milliemolliemou]

OP are you sure about all this? one moment you say you can't afford the clothes since you have a 7 week old baby, next that the outfit is hanging in the cupboard. Or have I misread? And clearly the baby isn't an issue since s/he hasn't been mentioned. Presumably one of you could drive but you want to celebrate with your mates and your husband doesn't think he can get through the evening without a drink because he doesn't know anyone. And you don't want to call on your Dad's kind offer because it would mean 4 hours driving for him.

I do sympathise about country lanes, though. Fine during the day but bloody difficult at night with no drink taken - usually because there are tossers who have or think they know the roads and drive too fast.

I'd let your friends know you won't be able to come because of the baby. ASAP.

[notangelinajolie]

An hour isn't that far - one of you can drive surely? You don''t have to stay all night. Leave early If you need a drink - you can always open a bottle of wine when you get home.

[Coastalcommand]

I'd definitely go and drive. Are you taking your baby?

[Coastalcommand]

Or maybe you could go with your dad and your husband could stay home with the baby?

[HiJenny35]

YABU, you said you would go, there's no reason you need to drink, if you are worried about the late night drive leave a bit earlier, or drive to the closest area before the winding roads and get a cab the last section that you don't feel happy driving.

[sailorcherries]

Never once did I say we needed a drink. Our reason for looking for an overnight stay is because we would like one, me to celebrate with friends and OH to give Dutch courage. We are fully capable of going and not drinking.

milliemollie I am sure yes. My outfit was around £50 and the travelodge or premier inn would be around another £50 for the night, meaning £100 spent before we got there. If we got a taxi it would be £50 on outfit and £160 on taxis making it £210, the taxi to and from isn't something we can afford on top of everything else.
Yes we don't want to call on my Dad as he doesn't intend to stay local but drop us and return home etc, making it a 4 hour journey.

Margaret yes we'd need to be on the roads but I wouldn't be driving. That was the point. I feel anxious driving on them which is perfectly reasonable.

As for my baby, we would be leaving him overnight whether we stayed or not, due to the times. Older son is at exs. I'm not happy about leaving my baby but equally didn't want to miss this wedding.

We're going to make one last attempt to find somewhere to stay and if not we'll drive, one of us will drive down and one will drive home. There is nothing more annoying than a drunk passenger.

It's more annoying that the last rooms in the wesding venue and travelodge/premier inn were booked hours before we looked (on websites such as laterooms etc). One day earlier and this would be avoided.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Try air b nb

[Gazelda]

I don't think you want to go. The driving, the drinking, the cost etc all seem to be reasons not to go.

Which is fine, so long as you let the couple know with plenty of notice. Just say that you don't think baby is ready to be left overnight.

There will be other occasions to wear your new outfit, and maybe you could arrange a uni-friend's catch up in a few months?

[GivePeasAGo]

My friend came to my wedding at seven weeks post partum but that was after a text book delivery and she was invited all day. I didn't expect her too. I was very surprised and pleased she was able too. No way would I ever expect anyone too rsvp or not. I'd still have at the back of my.mind that they may cancel.

Ywnbu at all though next time I would check hotels before rsvp. Make sure you tell them though.

[NameChangingForObviousReasons]

I think you simply don't want to go. That's ok. Things may have looked much easier when you RSVP but are looking that practical anymore.

The excuses, I'm sorry, are very lame. But I don't think I would even bother to go to an evening do unless away from home unless I had other interests in spending some time in the area.

Forget about the excuses, if you were only invited to an evening do, you are not that close to this couple. I'm sure they won't necessarily notice your absence.

Then make up a proper excuse just in case they ask you why you were not there.

By the way, who does RSVP for evening dos???

[RainbowPastel]

If you can drive a car you can drive anywhere. Why can't your OH drive? You are making a huge fuss over nothing.