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AIBU?

Not going to an evening reception after rvsping yes?

101 replies

sailorcherries · 07/07/2017 22:44

OH and I were invited to a uni friend's (of mine) evening reception and we rsvpd yes.

The wedding is taking place about 1 hour drive away, but would cost upwards of £80odd in a taxi each way as it isn't a good route.

When we were invited we didn't have funds to book a hotel or b&b, we assumed it wouldn't be an issue as there are 3 premier inns, 2 travelodges and at least 15 hotels within a 10 minute drive radius.

Tonight we took to the internet and have discovered a major sporting event taking place during that time, in the same town as the wedding (not football, tennis etc but a sport with a lot of spectators). The only two hotels we've found have had rooms for over £300, which we cannot afford. We can find nothing, not a hotel or b&b with availability within a 20 mile radius.

It's getting to the point where we might not be able to to as a result. We cannot afford over £160 in taxi fares there and back plus drinks and outfits (I am 7 weeks post partum and my old clothes don't fit). If we cannot find anywhere we cannot go, or we could but one of us would need to drive there and back.
Would it be unreasonable not to go? We could, technically, still get there but the lack of overnight accommodation is putting us off.

OP posts:

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Whileweareonthesubject · 08/07/2017 15:35

You don't need an excuse not to go. You've clearly planned to attend, you've already made a financial commitment in terms of buying a gift, clothing etc and arranging childcare. Sometimes things don't work out as we hope and on this occasion you haven't been able to arrange the accommodation you want /need. I understand about being nervous driving on the roads you describe, so I get that that has been a big consideration for you. And, not sure how long ago you rsvp'd, but I'm assuming it was before baby was born and their may have been changes in your financial situation since then that make it more difficult to justify extra costs. I'd just contact your friends and explain honestly. If they know you well, they won't be unkind to you over it , they may even be able to offer a solution . If they are, well, they're not your friends then.

demirose87 · 08/07/2017 15:40

You're not being unreasonable. plenty of times circumstances change and things come up, just tell them with apologies x

GivePeasAGo · 08/07/2017 16:35

Op if it doesn't work for you now just ring them. Don't justify it, don't look for validation here, just do what's best for you.

We all have good intentions, sonetimes they don't work out. Don't stress, just call and apologise.

Giraffey1 · 08/07/2017 16:44

If they were my friends, I'd want to help them celebrate their wedding and I wouldn't think twice about driving there and back. It wouldn't cross my mind to stay in an hotel. You've said you will go and you knew the location details at the time, presumably, so I do think it's a little 'off' to now not go.

dollydaydream114 · 08/07/2017 16:55

I can't believe how furious people are getting over this. It's only an evening reception, not a sit-down dinner. The bride & groom will be circulating all night and will probably talk to each guest for about 5 minutes. Just call or text and say you're really sorry but you can't make it work with the baby or whatever. It's not a big deal. I wouldn't give a hoot if a couple of people didn't make it to my evening do, even if it was because they just didn't fancy it. Who the hell wants to force people to come to a bloody disco?

sailorcherries · 08/07/2017 16:58

As I've said before, we are going to drive (no last minute released rooms). We have decided to spend the hotel money on a nice dinner beforehand.

OP posts:

TSSDNCOP · 08/07/2017 17:50

I don't think it's a problem to not go, provided the wedding isn't today.

TSSDNCOP · 08/07/2017 17:52

Oops didn't see that you're driving now. Have a nice evening.

NerrSnerr · 08/07/2017 18:28

Have a nice evening. I have done the whole driving the country road thing in the middle of the night after a wedding in the dark. I find the anxiety is worse than the reality. Stick the sat nav on and it'll get you home.

AnotherGreenDot · 08/07/2017 20:33

OP be kind to yourself. You've only been a mum for a few weeks. Having a baby is wonderful but it turns your life upside down. It also shatters your confidence. I'm totally with you about the driving. Can you make your excuse, send a card and a present and arrange to meet your uni friends in a few weeks/months when things are more settled.

Trills · 08/07/2017 20:39

Have a nice time. :)

A few numbers different for an evening events is not the same as a sit-down dinner so I expect it would be fine either way.

I still haven;t got a clear idea of when it is. Did you RSVP assuming it'd be OK, then look at hotels straight away, and it's still over a month away. Or is it next week and you should really have looked before that?

Reastie · 08/07/2017 20:47

OP hope you have a lovely time. Just to say if your dh is wobbly at driving cOuntry lanes in the dark get him to practice one evening to help him feel more confident. IMO they are easier to drive on in the evening as yu can easily see car lights coming from the other direction to know when other cars are coming.

sailorcherries · 09/07/2017 09:46

OH used to drive for a living, but very set routes. He is a confident driver but has never lived or driven down that area. He hates country roads and this place is full of them.

Wedding is in two weeks, when baby will be 9 weeks old. We recieved the invite just over two weeks ago, giving 5 weeks notice but, unfortunately, we weren't paid until the tail end of last week and June was a 5 week month. We've spent all this week looking for accommodation but until Friday we didn't know about the weekend long sporting event.

So we waited a week and a half before looking as we had no money, spent a week or so looking and the wedding is just over two weeks away.

OH said he will drive both ways as he got a new car and doesn't want me down a ditch haha (he really wants me to celebrate with my friends).

OP posts:

DonutCone · 09/07/2017 09:50

When is the wedding?

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2017 09:56

Green dot the op has an older ds

m0therofdragons · 09/07/2017 10:28

Just one of you drive so the other can drink - how is that complicated unless you're both alcoholics? Dh and I usually take turns - he drinks at his friends' events and I drink at mine.

I think it's weird you'd rather not go to a wedding than go and not drink

sailorcherries · 09/07/2017 11:01

motherofdragons Please rtft.

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 09/07/2017 11:13

Haha, sorry mn thread police. I have 3dc and haven't dedicated a huge amount of time this morning to reading every post just took the gist and was rather confused why this was complicated.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2017 11:22

sailorcherries, you really don't have to go, you know. Circumstances can change - and they have. This is an evening invitation and I know there's lots of chat here about 'worthiness' but really, it's up to you.

It would be different if you'd been invited to the day as you'd be obliged (by etiquette) to send an apology, card and nice present. For an evening invitation, your apology is enough. You need to make it now though, not leave it. You could send a card wishing them every happiness and hope to catch up with her/them both at a later date.

Excuses/reasons are all the same thing... and this really isn't worth stressing over. If it's not what you want to do then withdraw your acceptance and no harm done. You've had the invitation for two weeks - and it's two weeks prior to the wedding. That's plenty of notice for this and perfectly polite.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2017 11:26

That's some apology there, mother0fdragons, after suggesting that the OP might be an alcoholic. So very rude.

derxa · 09/07/2017 11:26

OH used to drive for a living, but very set routes. He is a confident driver but has never lived or driven down that area. He hates country roads and this place is full of them. For some reason this makes me feel annoyed. He's got a new car and a satnav (I presume).

laurelstar · 09/07/2017 11:28

You should go if you have sent an RSVP. One of you drive back and the other have a few drinks.

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m0therofdragons · 09/07/2017 11:34

Not suggesting the op is an alcoholic at all just stating that it's completely normal for one person not drink and then be the driver and going to a friend's wedding wouldn't revolve around whether I could consume alcohol or not. An alcoholic may find such a situation difficult but people not battling that really should be able to put the event above their wish to drink imo. I just, from reading the initial posts, couldn't understand why it was such an issue to drive for an hour to go to a wedding and drive home after.

sailorcherries · 09/07/2017 12:33

derxa why does it annoy you? He drove for 50 hours plus a week, almost every week, for 3 years only moving jobs two months ago. He wanted to enjoy a night free from driving and have a drink or two. No, the car doesn't have sat nav.

We wanted to stay for the aforementioned driving reasons and because we've not had a night out together in over a year (childcare, shift work, pregnancy and financing a first home). That does make us unreasonable or alcoholics (and having an alcoholic in my family and OH losing an uncle to alcoholism that is highly insulting).

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 09/07/2017 16:42

I would just drive. Borrow a sat nav.

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