AIBU?
To ask you to help me pull myself together- toddler serious fall overseas
Chattycat78 · 24/06/2017 19:27
Just that. In Majorca. Now sitting in a foreign hospital where I can't speak the language and have been for 2 days. Toddler ds (2.5) fell from a wall- 3 metres- 2 days ago. He has fractured his skull.
Wall was very shallow on One side and then dropped away on the other. No signs or railings or anything and it was a deep wall so wasn't obvious there was any kind of drop on the other side. DS ran over, was able to jump onto the wall as it was his height and I couldn't grab him quick enough before he fell. In all honestly it wasn't apparent to me the depth of the drop until it was too late.
He was in intensive care following a terrible and scary first night. He seems to be improving now though and scans and his behaviour show no brain damage thank god.
It's all my fault. Why didn't I get him off the wall fast enough? I can't stop replying it in my mind and it will haunt me forever. I feel like an unfit mother and that I should have protected him and failed. I'm also doing the classic "if only" - if only we hadn't gone there, if only the walk had been too high to climb- and so on. I'm sure the rest of the family and Dh blame me too.
I'm of course incredibly grateful with the care we've received and that it hasn't been worse but I just can't see how we are all going to get past this or how I'm going to be able to leave him ever again in fear of what might happen.
What do I do to pull myself together?
Thurlow · 24/06/2017 19:34
I'm so sorry this happened to you, that's terrifying.
But it was an accident. Toddlers have little sense of fear and no impulse control. They do these things, and sometimes they do something like this and get hurt.
I'm glad he seems to be doing really well. Be kind to yourself - it wasn't your fault.
lelapaletute · 24/06/2017 19:35
You poor thing! 
It's so hard. From the outside it's so obvious it's not your fault, and as DS is doing well you shouldn't be so worried and upset - but I know I'd feel exactly the same if it was me, I put my baby daughter down wrong on the changing mat last week and hurt her wrist and wanted to hand myself over to Social Services, felt like such a shit mum. It's irrational but completely understandable!
Try to be kind to yourself. It wasn't your fault. You can't watch them and hang onto them every waking minute of the day. It could have been worse, but it wasn't. He's so young he won't even remember this, it will be a story you tell him years later. Just keep repeating these things to yourself until you believe them, and try to draw a line under the 'if only's - maybe if you hadn't had the incident at the wall, you'd have made it to the road and been hit by a bus and both killed. That isn't what happened, this is - and he's going to be ok.
Lots of love, hope you're all home and safe soon xx
CheeseCrackersAndWine · 24/06/2017 19:35
Definitely not your fault and sounds like a pretty dangerous wall... I once slipped down our stairs with my DD when she was 13 months and broke her leg. I felt terrible guilt. Obviously nowhere near as serious as your DS but the guilt eased over time once she was out of her cast & toddling away fine. It will get easier. Not immediately but it will. I'm also pretty sure no one else blames you either. I really hope your DS is out of hospital & well again soon
LapinR0se · 24/06/2017 19:36
I have an almost 3 year old so I really feel for you. It is so hard to protect them all day every day when they are hellbent on self destruction.
There was nothing at all you could have done to prevent that accident. Please don't beat yourself up.
V good news that it's limited to his skull. That's what skulls are for, to protect brains. So it's done its job well.
Hope you all manage to get some rest
Gunpowder · 24/06/2017 19:37
It's not your fault. Tea is right, It was an accident! Toddlers always do this sort of thing. I'm sure every other mumsnetter has a toddler/head injury/a&e tale (I certainly have!)
Luckily they heal much quicker than we grown-ups. Hope he gets better soon and you forgive yourself even sooner.
FuzzyOwl · 24/06/2017 19:37
I am sure many of us would in that situation or have made similar assumptions and injuries have resulted, so please don't blame yourself. If you are really that worried about the rest of your family and your DH, maybe consider some counselling once you are home to be able to talk everything through.
I'm glad your DS is improving and the scans show good news. I hope he is discharged and you are all safely home soon.
Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 24/06/2017 19:40
How awful for you all, fingers crossed for a good recovery You are probably in shock yourself too. Try to block out the 'if onlys' as you can't change that now, you need to focus on what you can do now. It sounds like he is getting the care he needs and he will need you to be strong for him. If it helps I don't know many parents that haven't had moments of inattention or made misjudgments that could have had terrible consequences; fortunately most have been luckier than you have, so don't be hard on yourself. Take care and a (much frowned upon on mumsnet) hug
CandleWithHair · 24/06/2017 19:42
Absolutely not your fault and you mustn't blame yourself. My nephew had essentially the exact same accident when he was 3 - on holiday, wall that was higher on the off side with no railings -he also fractured his skull but is a very happy and healthy 13 year old now!
I hope he's well enough for you all to head home soon, in the meantime for you.
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