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AIBU?

To ask you to help me pull myself together- toddler serious fall overseas

132 replies

Chattycat78 · 24/06/2017 19:27

Just that. In Majorca. Now sitting in a foreign hospital where I can't speak the language and have been for 2 days. Toddler ds (2.5) fell from a wall- 3 metres- 2 days ago. He has fractured his skull.

Wall was very shallow on One side and then dropped away on the other. No signs or railings or anything and it was a deep wall so wasn't obvious there was any kind of drop on the other side. DS ran over, was able to jump onto the wall as it was his height and I couldn't grab him quick enough before he fell. In all honestly it wasn't apparent to me the depth of the drop until it was too late.

He was in intensive care following a terrible and scary first night. He seems to be improving now though and scans and his behaviour show no brain damage thank god.

It's all my fault. Why didn't I get him off the wall fast enough? I can't stop replying it in my mind and it will haunt me forever. I feel like an unfit mother and that I should have protected him and failed. I'm also doing the classic "if only" - if only we hadn't gone there, if only the walk had been too high to climb- and so on. I'm sure the rest of the family and Dh blame me too.

I'm of course incredibly grateful with the care we've received and that it hasn't been worse but I just can't see how we are all going to get past this or how I'm going to be able to leave him ever again in fear of what might happen.

What do I do to pull myself together?

OP posts:
MommaGee · 24/06/2017 19:43

Oh OP this isn't a fault, its an accident. Why are you the only one responsible for grabbing him? Why are you the one who should have known about the wall?
If it had been the same height and he fell off it would have become a funny holiday story.

I'm so so sad for you all and I'm glad he's getting better

Ohb0llocks · 24/06/2017 19:44

My god you must be terrified. You're not a bad mum. You wouldn't be posting this thread if you were.

Kids have accidents, some worse than others. I hope you're both ok and do keep us updated. Sending lots of love.

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 24/06/2017 19:46

Please don't beat yourself up. Had something similar when DS about the same age luckily only a broken arm but I can still remember the slow motion fall. Accidents are accidents. It wasn't your fault. No one could blame you. Speak to your insurance again if you are having difficulty understanding they might be able to help. Thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery

DancingLedge · 24/06/2017 19:46

So sorry you're having a hard time.

This is classic trauma stuff- you replay and replay and it's almost as if you're trying to make it not happen, even though it has. How will this lessen? Time. Acceptance of what's happened. Support. Finding a way to blame yourself less.
You love your son.
You had no way of anticipating he was in danger.

Just because you could not prevent something does not make it your fault.

Try not to assume others will blame you- I'm sure you are judging yourself 100times more harshly than anyone else would.Don't forget to briefly tell your family how bad you feel.

Dont worry about the future. Much, much later, you will gradually learn how not to be overly protective. You don't have to do that right now, so leave that one in the future.

Keep venting here
Ask for hugs IRL
You'll get through, I promise
FlowersBrewCake

JammyGeorge · 24/06/2017 19:47

Oh how awful.

Your are in shock and under a lot of stress, try not to beat yourself up it was an accident, a total accident.

When you are on holiday and in unfamiliar surroundings there are dangers you can't see.

Try & get some sleep and eat a little something and just focus on getting through today. Then tomorrow do the same. Little ones are tougher than you think I'm sure he'll bounce back quickly, you poor things.

MrsMozart · 24/06/2017 19:47

From all I've heard it's a very good health care system there.

Hang on to the knowledge that accidents happen. It's not your fault.

HaggisMuncher · 24/06/2017 19:47

Oh OP your poor wee one and poor you. We've got one the same age and its a constant battle to try and stop him doing something monumentally stupid or dangerous. Sometimes it's going to happen despite our best efforts. Don't be so so hard on yourself. You've got him the care he needs and sounds like he's doing really well. Take care of yourself as well as your wee one, he'll need his mummy when he's on the mend xxxx

MrsPandaBear · 24/06/2017 19:47

I fractured my skull at home at just over 3. I was being grotty so my mum chucked me out into our small enclosed garden. I climbed the fence to look out and fell over, I remember thinking about whether or not to do it. I certainly don't blame my mum in any way although she still feels guilty, I was the one who decided to do it, and there's no long term damage. The foreign country aspect must make it all so much harder for you to deal with, do you know when you'll be able to come back home?

Pengggwn · 24/06/2017 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DancingLedge · 24/06/2017 19:48

That's supposed to be, don't forget to tell your family how bad you're feeling.

TheWitTank · 24/06/2017 19:51

So sorry OP Flowers
I'm glad to hear he is improving and the scans look good. Please stop giving yourself a hard time. It was an ACCIDENT. You have said yourself that it wasn't clear the wall had such a huge drop and that there were no railings or signs.
Keep us updated on how he does, stay positive and focus on keeping yourself together for him.

RedPeppers · 24/06/2017 19:51

Just to add to the chorus that IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!

Sorry I'm not wanting to shout but really to reiterate that accidents happen. Even when you are very careful and don't let your eyes off your child, accidents do happen and there is little you can do to stop xxx happening.

Being somewhere where you don't speak the language must be even harder for you. Do you have any other family member (husband/partner/friend?) around to give you some support?

Screamer1 · 24/06/2017 19:52

Be kind to yourself, this is not your fault. Toddlers do things like this ALL THE TINE. You were just very unlucky. What an awful horrible scare for you though.

That's brilliant things are looking a bit better today. It's tough being in hospital abroad (we had to help to one in Mallorca 2 years ago). I hope he has a speedy recovery. Please don't blame yourself. Flowers

user1487854472 · 24/06/2017 19:53

Oh you poor thing! Don't blame yourself, unfortunately these things happen. I hope your lo has a speedy recovery Flowers

alltouchedout · 24/06/2017 19:55

It's not your fault, op. It was a horrible accident. They happen. I'm glad your little boy is getting excellent care and that the scans are positive. And you are with him, and had made sure you had very good insurance, and are feeling like this... All of those things point to you not being the awful parent you are damning yourself as at the moment.
Flowers I'll be thinking of you both.

FidgetSpinner · 24/06/2017 19:57

Bless you op, it was a terrible accident, please don't blame yourself, I hope ds will be home soon Flowers

Rhootintootinboo · 24/06/2017 19:59

Hi. I can't really offer any advice but I wondered if you could reach out to some one locally to help you with the language barrier. Help you feel a little less isolated. I follow a page on Facebook called I love Puerto Pollenca and there are some people on there who I think are residents. They all seem really helpful.

memyselfandaye · 24/06/2017 19:59

Echoing everyone else, it was an accident.

You did nothing wrong.

I drank turps at that age, cos you know, where else would you keep turps than in a lemonade bottle under the sink?

Now that is an accident waiting to happen, is'nt it Mother?

Sophiealice95 · 24/06/2017 20:07

Ahh OP these things happen . I mean even Prince WIlliam sustained a fractured skull from a golf club if my memory is right. It sounds as if he is on the mend , good luck my dear I hope he will be fine I am sure he will

legoqueen · 24/06/2017 20:12

Blimey, you poor thing, accidents do happen but so much more worrying in a foreign country. Please don't blame yourself, I'm sure the rest of your family don't blame you. Hope you can find someone who can interpret for you, & great news that he seems to be okay Flowers

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 24/06/2017 20:12

The Spanish healthcare system is great, so you are in good hands.

If you get a chance then have a look on the hospital notice boards. It's quite common for expat groups to have voluntary translators that can help out. We used similar when one of my relatives was in a Spanish hospital and they were incredibly helpful.

Having had a quick google, ask the hospital if they are using Dualia. According to the expat newspaper for Majorca (Majorca Daily Bulletin) this was supposed to be being rolled out in clinics and hospitals from 2013 onwards. It's a simultaneous translation service.

Finally, it was not your fault. Hope your DS recovers quickly.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/06/2017 20:17

This is not your fault!! I know exactly how you feel. When my son was 15 months old, we went to visit a friend who had a wood stove in their kitchen that had a black glass front. I had run myself tagged making sure he went no where near it because it was scalding hot and didn't have a safety gate. Right when we were leaving, my son managed to reach behind me and press his little hand flat on the glass. He had second degree burns and I was sick with guilt. But my husband assured me it wasn't my fault. It was accident. I hope your son is better soon!

User12345678912345 · 24/06/2017 20:17

Poor u OP :( it is NOT your fault AT ALL Flowers

I've had so many near misses that could quite easily have ended similarly to what happened in your case. You and little one are just the unlucky family this has happened to. Don't beat yourself up. Could have been any of us, honestly xx

Yogagirl123 · 24/06/2017 20:19

Handhold OP, accidents happen, your LO will be fine try not to worry, always scary if you are away from home. Make sure you rest and look after yourself too, you can't go back, just look forward. Hoping LO is feeling much better soon. Xx

kaytee87 · 24/06/2017 20:28

Aw it was an accident and I'm sure no one blames you!

My dad dropped me in the sea when I was 4 on our first holiday abroad and broke my arm very badly.

He also dropped heavy light fitting on my head.

Today ds (11mo) fell over whilst cruising and smacked his head Blush

These things happen. It is not your fault Flowers

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