Just that. In Majorca. Now sitting in a foreign hospital where I can't speak the language and have been for 2 days. Toddler ds (2.5) fell from a wall- 3 metres- 2 days ago. He has fractured his skull.
Wall was very shallow on One side and then dropped away on the other. No signs or railings or anything and it was a deep wall so wasn't obvious there was any kind of drop on the other side. DS ran over, was able to jump onto the wall as it was his height and I couldn't grab him quick enough before he fell. In all honestly it wasn't apparent to me the depth of the drop until it was too late.
He was in intensive care following a terrible and scary first night. He seems to be improving now though and scans and his behaviour show no brain damage thank god.
It's all my fault. Why didn't I get him off the wall fast enough? I can't stop replying it in my mind and it will haunt me forever. I feel like an unfit mother and that I should have protected him and failed. I'm also doing the classic "if only" - if only we hadn't gone there, if only the walk had been too high to climb- and so on. I'm sure the rest of the family and Dh blame me too.
I'm of course incredibly grateful with the care we've received and that it hasn't been worse but I just can't see how we are all going to get past this or how I'm going to be able to leave him ever again in fear of what might happen.
What do I do to pull myself together?
AIBU?
To ask you to help me pull myself together- toddler serious fall overseas
Chattycat78 · 24/06/2017 19:27
My 3 have had, variously, over the years, a burn from an iron, fall off changing table, scald from a hot cup of tea, fall from bunk bed ladder, all of which ended (eventually happily) in a+e, and the one with the worst potential consequences - crawling towards road after getting outside through a door I didn't realise had been left open by an older sibling! 
Don't beat yourself up. Accidents happen, but they do make you feel like the world's most negligent parent at the time. You're not! 
Was discharged yesterday. Flying home tomorrow. So great obviously. Thanks for asking.
My next challenge is how I'm going to stop him bumping his head for the next 3 moths (that's what they've said). He's the most phyisal toddler I've ever met. 
i have no clue how to achieve this- I also have to look after our 1 year old (often alone) so god knows how it will work.
If anyone has any tips on this, or on how the hell I can restore my confidence in my ability to look after him properly, I'd be happy to hear it.
Have a good trip home.
Trust the healing abilities of a young healthy body.
He will be fine. It is so important for children to be active, develop their physical abilities and explore - hopefully this experience will not have made him anxious about balancing on walls (such a good way to develop coordinating skills) while maybe having taught him to listen to mummy when told to come down. More likely, he won't remember a thing about having fallen, mind you.
You will simply become more confident as time passes. I don't think that there is a quick fix for how you feel about the accident, but as somebody posted upthread whenever you find yourself thinking about the 'what ifs', divert your thoughts to how it all ended well, how he is fine, how you have (maybe) all learnt from the experience.
My precious premature DS2 (born at 31 weeks) met all his milestones late but once he was mobile he became a climber and fell off all sorts of things, well before I knew that he could get there. It is only by sheer luck that he never had anything worse than bumps and bruises.
We are all simply lucky if we manage to drag our kids up without major mishap, and you have been unlucky to have experienced something more serious, however lucky that the outcome is as good as it is. So focus on that: He is fine
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