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To think it's rude that dh

127 replies

OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:15

Speaks to his son in French, when I can't understand it. I think it's unfair to the rest of the family.

For example on Saturday we were in the car on a long journey and dh started speaking in French he does it often and I'm sure he's only talking about minor stuff but it's not nice because I don't know. I also don't see why he would want things to be said but me not to know.

His son doesn't speak French as his first language and is much better at English but can speak fluent French, so it's not even for understanding something.

Aibu to demand he stops this. Me and my dd and ds all feel the same.

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BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 15/06/2017 17:16

Extremely rude

PacificDogwod · 15/06/2017 17:19

I think it depends entirely on the circumstances.

Many families where the parents speak 2 different languages will go for 'one parent, one language' to raise children bilingually.

It sounds to me that there is more to it than your OP suggests.

I speak German to the DSs, DH speaks v little German, we speak English as a 'family language'. DH is not worried about not understanding what I say to the DSs. It works for us.

MrsLettuce · 15/06/2017 17:19

It's hard to say which of you is BU without more information. Does he speak French to his son all the time? Is he actually French? How old is DSS?

It's normal to bring up children bilingual and that does involve speaking the language to the child, obviously.

MrsLettuce · 15/06/2017 17:20


caffeinestream · 15/06/2017 17:21

Eh, I don't think it's rude - just inconsiderate.

I think it's good he's raising his son to be bilingual, but maybe he should only speak to him in French when they're alone.

OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:23

So he says that he likes to speak in French over English. Yes he is french and dss Is 15. I get the need to keep up a language but I think when we are in a family setting it's quite rude.

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Viserion · 15/06/2017 17:23

If he is French and it is his first language, you would be unreasonable to 'demand' that he stops using it to bring his son up bilingual. This is normal in bilingual families.

If he is English and just doing it to exclude you, then he is a twat. Context is everything here.

ChildishGambino · 15/06/2017 17:25

My Mum and Nan used to do this but only when they wanted to discuss something secret in front of us. I'd encourage it generally as it's brilliant for him to have two languages under his belt but maybe ask him not to do it in a family setting.

llangennith · 15/06/2017 17:27

If your DH's first language is French then his son is probably fluent because your DH conversed with him exclusively in French.
I'd be irritated too but I don't think you can change what they've done for 15 years.

troodiedoo · 15/06/2017 17:28

My German family do this. It's annoying and funny in equal measures.

You could always secretly learn French OP.

PacificDogwod · 15/06/2017 17:28

Yes, context and intent are everything here.

Tbh, you sound as you feel quite threatened by not being able to understand him? Apologies if I am wrong.
It just reads to me that you have other concerns about your DH.

caffeinestream · 15/06/2017 17:28

I think it's great he's taught his son his mother tongue - so many parents are bilingual or proficient in other languages and don't pass it onto their DC.

But it is rude to do it so doesn't include you and your DC. Does he not realise how that comes across?

khajiit13 · 15/06/2017 17:30

Learn French OP.

OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:30

No he's not my son, but I get him wanting to bring his son up with two languages and support it. But i feel that that should be then two together not when we are a family.

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OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:31

I worry that's it like on Orange is the New Black when the inmates speak in Spanish so no one understands. It does make me suspicious.

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araiwa · 15/06/2017 17:32

What a twat for teaching his son his own language and helping him practice as hes not as good at french as english


YokoReturns · 15/06/2017 17:32

I agree with PP - great opportunity to learn French! I speak French and it's one of the most useful skills I have!

OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:33

I do know a bit of French but it's hard to keep up with what they are saying as I can pick out the odd word.

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TrueSay · 15/06/2017 17:33

He needs to speak French exclusively to his son to encourage him to speak it and to support that he is bilingual. You all need to learn French

PacificDogwod · 15/06/2017 17:33

Yes, if he is doing in order to exclude you, it's rude to say the very least.
Nasty behaviour.
If you are feeling excluded although they are doing it quite innocently, then I agree: learn French Wink

LedaP · 15/06/2017 17:33

I think you should learn French if its such an issue for you.

19lottie82 · 15/06/2017 17:34

It depends. The odd short conversation is fine, especially if your DH is helping his DS maintain his French language skills.

If it's all the time when you're there, not fine.

OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:35

No I have no problem with the use of French him wanting to use French but just not in a family setting like a car journey or a dinner table.

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HildaOg · 15/06/2017 17:36

That's how bilingual kids are fluent in their languages. It's not about you. Learn French if you want to know what they're saying. It's unfair to demand that he changes how he has always communicated with his son an limit his language development to suit you.

Ecureuil · 15/06/2017 17:37

I know a lot of bilingual families where one parent speaks to the child in one language and the other in another language. In all those families though each parent has also learnt the others language.
I think if you're worrying they're doing it deliberately to exclude you then there are other issues at play here.

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