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AIBU?

To think it's rude that dh

127 replies

OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:15

Speaks to his son in French, when I can't understand it. I think it's unfair to the rest of the family.

For example on Saturday we were in the car on a long journey and dh started speaking in French he does it often and I'm sure he's only talking about minor stuff but it's not nice because I don't know. I also don't see why he would want things to be said but me not to know.

His son doesn't speak French as his first language and is much better at English but can speak fluent French, so it's not even for understanding something.

Aibu to demand he stops this. Me and my dd and ds all feel the same.

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FrancisCrawford · 15/06/2017 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:44

Yes to practacising/speaking French but like I said not in a family setting. I have no problem with them speaking French it's a beautiful language and it's sexy to hear dh speak it.

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CheesyWeez · 15/06/2017 17:44

We are a bilingual family and we swap from one language to another without even realising it. It would be a shame for your DSS not to speak and practise his father's language. I agree it depends on the context, if they're doing it to deliberately exclude you that's rude; but they're probably not! Use the opportunity to improve your own French!

How do you get on with your inlaws if you only understand a few words? (genuinely curious)

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redladybird · 15/06/2017 17:44

I don't think it is rude because it is his first language but I would say it is inconsiderate. I would get him to teach me French!

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OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:46

How do you get on with your inlaws if you only understand a few words? (genuinely curious)

They mostly speak English.

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arbrighton · 15/06/2017 17:46

And of course, because he's driving so may be concentrating harder on that than translating a sentence in his head into his non-native tongue wasn't a possibility?

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ThanksMsMay · 15/06/2017 17:46

Yabvu. A family setting is exactly when they should be speaking and he's being a good parent by keeping up the French. Especially if it's not his son's first language. If you were smart you'd get him to speak to your children in French too

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ImNegan · 15/06/2017 17:46

YABU. Learn the language yourself and get stuck in.

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chocomochi · 15/06/2017 17:46

Coming from a bilingual family, I think it's great your DH is speaking to his son in French. Are you put off that he's not your son?

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ThanksMsMay · 15/06/2017 17:47

Why do you need to to understand when he isn't speaking to you? If you don't trust hem not to talk about you that's your issue

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Allthebestnamesareused · 15/06/2017 17:48

YABU. You and your kids should stop being so English and learn French to join in. Also I assume you are usually around when he sees his DS so when would he get the chance to speak it otherwise. Is DS's mother French or English? Does DS live in France or England usually. If England, get him speaking as much as possible in time for GCSEs!

I have a friend who has a "forrin" DH who speaks a different European language and it is such a pity that they have never taught their child to speak this language even though friend can speak it and does speak it to her DH.

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highinthesky · 15/06/2017 17:48

Your DH's son can speak at least 3 languages, get over it.

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Branleuse · 15/06/2017 17:49

I think its brilliant that hes brought his son up to speak french. Its SO HARD to establish a second language, and this is usually only achieved if the parent with the minority language consistently and exclusively uses that language to the child. I wish my dp had been more consistent, because now my children refuse to speak french.
YABVU and should try learning a bit of french yourself, so you can at least get the jist of what theyre saying, even if you cant join in.

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OnlyLoveHere · 15/06/2017 17:49

Are you put off that he's not your son?

Not at all. I think it's lovely to here the French language.

If you were smart you'd get him to speak to your children in French too

Well dh has helped one of them with their french gcse. The other one hates languages.

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MuvaWifey77 · 15/06/2017 17:50

I speak Portuguese and Spanish with my lazy son who has no interest on learning, even when DH is around , DH tries to copy it, sounds awful , I correct him, we all laugh and I'm often finding myself teaching both of them , DH is very intelligent,well travelled and v good with languages and he doesn't mind me speaking a language he doesn't know, in fact he buys books and tells me I must speak more often or DS will never fully speak. I'd say learn wth them OP is not a big deal, it might seem rude, I can sort of understand where you're coming from, but it's probably because you can only speak English. Sorry.

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NannyRed · 15/06/2017 17:50

I was thinking, you should consider learning some French too, but I saw that was already a suggestion. It would give you and dss a little something in common as you could chat with him in French when it's just the two of you.
Try not to let it get to you too much, in light of recent news events, don't sweat the small stuff.

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DailyMailReadersAreThick · 15/06/2017 17:50

My husband used to do this with his family. In the end I refused to socialise with them.

If everybody in a group speaks a common language, then that's the language you speak. Anything else is rude.

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Judashascomeintosomemoney · 15/06/2017 17:51

I wouldn't worry OP, me and DH both speak English and we still don't understand each other. Grin

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JoJoSM2 · 15/06/2017 17:51

DH join language classes a week after the wedding :) French is a bit part of your husband's identity so it's very BU to expect him not to use it. If you don't want to learn French, then at least get working on not getting paranoid.

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DixieFlatline · 15/06/2017 17:52

YABU. Set habits like this are what ensure people keep up their languages. If he and his son start talking English around you instead (if they were even able to make that switch), it would throw off their habit of speaking French even when you're not there. I don't think anyone should risk losing their ability to speak another language fluently just because you haven't put the effort in to learn it.

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BandeauSally · 15/06/2017 17:55

not in a family setting.

That's how billingualism works! I'm am assuming Your stepson doesn't live with you. So if you don't want him speaking to his son in French when "in a family setting" then you aren't allowing him very much time to speak to him at all!

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Groupie123 · 15/06/2017 17:56

A friend of mine is Polish married to an Indian man. She speaks to them in Polish, he speaks to them in Hindi, but they have both taken the effort to learn each others languages too.

Tbh I find it weird that you have a French husband but then didn't insist he speak French to your kids. Don't hate on your DH because his ex was smarter

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ThanksMsMay · 15/06/2017 17:59

My husband used to do this with his family. In the end I refused to socialise with them

Nice Hmm

Op. You need to read some books on bilingualism and raising bilingual children. Please don't discourage this, your dss shouldn't lose his language (and that link to family who can't speak English). He needs to practice regularly.

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FrancisCrawford · 15/06/2017 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThanksMsMay · 15/06/2017 18:00

My husband used to do this with his family. In the end I refused to socialise with them

I'd probably leave a partner who insisted I could never speak my native language at home

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