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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this rude? Honest opinions appreciated

87 replies

Assburgers · 27/05/2017 12:47

So, I am someone who gets this kind of thing wrong a lot. This happened a month ago but has been worrying me.

I bumped into my neighbour shortly after the Easter break & we were heading in the same direction so I was attempting to make conversation. I asked if he had done anything nice over the holidays, and he said his son had visited. I said "oh, he didn't bring his saxophone this time?" (Last time he did, played the same song over and over, I did not complain or even mention it)

Neighbour then looked shocked, mumbled something about playing in a different room... like, as though he hadn't realised we could hear it. It's a fricking saxophone, of course we could hear it. Anyway I said nothing. We walked on in silence.

I relayed the conversation to DH when we got home and he made this face 😬 But then laughed and said not to worry about it. But then yesterday the guy's wife blanked me in the street.

So. Honest opinions. I can take it. Was that rude? And how do I fix it if so?

OP posts:
barrygetamoveonplease · 27/05/2017 12:48

No it wasn't rude. Don't try to fix it.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2017 12:48

No it wasn't rude.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 27/05/2017 12:49

Nah, you're fine.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 27/05/2017 12:49

No. He thought you were making a point about the noise but even if you had been, that wouldn't be rude.

LondonNicki · 27/05/2017 12:51

I think she was a bit rude to blank you on the street. What you said was fine.

BusterGonad · 27/05/2017 12:51

If I was your neighbor I would've found it rude BUT with saying that who wants to live next door to someone playing a saxophone? It's a really unsociable instrument.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/05/2017 12:52

It depends on a lot of things.

How close are you to your neighbours.
Knowing who you banter with and who you can't
I'd laugh at that, but obviously your neighbours have zero sense of humour.

JassyRadlett · 27/05/2017 12:53

It did sound a little bit like you can usually tell when he's visiting because it's noisy. If your neighbour is already feeling guilty/conscious about it they might have taken it as a criticism/negative comment even though that wasn't your intent.

Out of pure interest, why did you go with that comment?

But honestly, it's small stuff. Just be lovely and breezy when you see them.

Seav · 27/05/2017 12:54

No - it wasn't rude.
Your neighbour was rude to then mumble a reply, fail to make further conversation and then blank you though.

PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 27/05/2017 12:56

Depends on how you said it. Your man was there, and he thought you were being rude, so we can't tell you otherwise.

Were you making a dig about the sax noise or not? You know yourself. If you were, it was a bit rude. And if you weren't, but you didn't say so when he thought you were, that was also a bit rude.

So on balance, yes, I think you were.

LittleMisslikestobebythesea · 27/05/2017 12:57

I don't think you've were rude you were making polite conversation and made a comment, you weren't being rude about the saxophone.

Original poster
Assburgers · 27/05/2017 12:57

JassyRadlett I said it because it was the first thing that popped in my head! His son lives far away, and normally I am only aware that he's here because I can hear him and this time I had no idea. He'd done a stealth visit.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 27/05/2017 12:58

Smile It probably would have been the first thing that popped into my head too - but I wouldn't have said it, because I'd have been worried the neighbour would take it as a dig at the noise.

Original poster
Assburgers · 27/05/2017 12:59

Eek peanutbutter that's what I'm afraid of. I wasn't having a dig, just remarking that I was surprised. In a really really stupid way Blush

OP posts:
PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 27/05/2017 13:01

I wouldn't be too worried about it though, its only a bit rude. Not a lot!

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2017 13:03

They're just a rude family then, aren't they?

Original poster
Assburgers · 27/05/2017 13:04

Yeah Awwlookatmybabyspider we are not close exactly. Their other DS that lives there permanently has come round to play with my DC on occasion, but we haven't had any lengthy chats.

OP posts:
EnidButton · 27/05/2017 13:04

You were fine. They're being odd.

He misunderstood what you meant and thought you were hinting to keep the noise down but that isn't your fault. What you said was perfectly fine. He obviously has already been worried about it or his wife has been moaning about it and he jumped to that conclusion. Just leave it.

It's possibly his wife just had her mind elsewhere or didn't hear you. If she did blank you then she's being unreasonable and melodramatic.

Leave them to it.

Original poster
Assburgers · 27/05/2017 13:07

Mummyoflittledragon they kind of are. Well, up until now I would have said thoughtless rather than rude (he plays violin nearly every day at 7am).

Yes, now that you mention it, they are way worse than me Grin

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 27/05/2017 13:09

You weren't rude but they are now being - he should have just said "sorry didn't realise you can usually hear it" and you'd have probably said "not a problem, but hadn't heard it so didn't realise he was home" ... now they've made a silly problem out of it, but at least you probably won't hear saxophone again Grin

PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 27/05/2017 13:10

He misunderstood what you meant and thought you were hinting to keep the noise down but that isn't your fault

Did he though? Or did he know what OP was actually thinking, which was: Oh I didn't know he was here as he didn't bother us with his sax as he has before.

user1489675144 · 27/05/2017 13:11

He may have taken it as a moan...by his response he felt uncomfortable when you mentioned it... hence the coolness towards you now.

Tone, how it was said all make the impact of words greater or lessor and than cannot be conveyed on a forum.

They probably will never invite you around for a coffee, having formed an opinion of you from your comment. It is up to you whether that bothers you or not.

WooWooSister · 27/05/2017 13:12

I think it was probably the contrast between his expectation and your actual response that made it seem rude. If I told someone my DS was home for the weekend (after they'd asked if I had done anything nice)I'd expect them to say something positive in response eg 'oh that's lovely. it must have been nice to spend time with him, etc, etc' I wouldn't expect a comment about the noise from his saxophone. Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2017 13:13

Violin at 7am. That's early... and inconsiderate. Another instrument, which sounds charming in the hands of an unskilled player. I hope he's more talented than his son on the sax Grin.

Original poster
Assburgers · 27/05/2017 13:14

Serialweightwatcher Grin it would be great not to hear it again! Actually if he just played a different song that would be fine.

OP posts: