Was this rude? Honest opinions appreciated

[Assburgers]

So, I am someone who gets this kind of thing wrong a lot. This happened a month ago but has been worrying me.

I bumped into my neighbour shortly after the Easter break & we were heading in the same direction so I was attempting to make conversation. I asked if he had done anything nice over the holidays, and he said his son had visited. I said "oh, he didn't bring his saxophone this time?" (Last time he did, played the same song over and over, I did not complain or even mention it)

Neighbour then looked shocked, mumbled something about playing in a different room... like, as though he hadn't realised we could hear it. It's a fricking saxophone, of course we could hear it. Anyway I said nothing. We walked on in silence.

I relayed the conversation to DH when we got home and he made this face 😬 But then laughed and said not to worry about it. But then yesterday the guy's wife blanked me in the street.

So. Honest opinions. I can take it. Was that rude? And how do I fix it if so?

My ds has ASD and that's exactly the sort of response he'd give to the information

He wouldn't mean anything by it either but more it's the logical answer! Especially because noise is something that bothers him so is far more at the front of his brain than natural small talk!

I agree your neighbours sound over sensitive but you sound like you have a great sense of humour so don't sweat it. Be friendly with the people who accept you as your are or correct you nicely!

I think that Aww fuck sounds like a good plan

Think of it like this:

Would you blank someone for what you said, even if it was a completely intentional dig?

I really doubt it

Breezy is the way to go from here

No lessons , but when I was younger, I found this book really useful, and have mentioned it a lot on here:

A Woman in Your Own Right: Assertiveness and You, by Anne Dickson

Don't be put off by the title. It's for anyone

I read this and it reminded me of my DS with ASD too. It's pretty much a factual reply with no sugar coating. Don't stress about it. I sometimes wish I was as blunt and factual as my son.

@dulciemena

Another aspie here. It's an issue for you because we tend to overthink, over worry, fixate on and scrutinise things that nobody else would spend a minute dwelling on.

I do this a lot! (Worry and fixate on things and panic over whether I have upset someone.) I don't think it's exclusive to 'aspies!' (Is it appropriate to use this term by the way???)

It's fair enough for the OP to think 'fuck it,' but she has clearly been bothered by it, or she wouldn't have posted here. I would definitely have popped around to ask the neighbour if everything was OK, and to make sure I hadn't upset them. As someone said, the OP didn't say 'I heard your son playing the sax, he's doing well isn't he?' or something like that, she just said 'is he gonna be playing the sax again?' which unfortunately did sound passive aggressive.

The OP is clearly bothered by this (as I said, she must be, to have felt the need to post it on here,) so I can't fathom why she is now thinking 'fuck it!' Bad choice imo. She should talk to the neighbour.

Could have been seen as a sly dig but could just as easily have been taken as humorous. Not worth worrying about.

@Ravenblack

Well, I'm talking about myself, so I guess I can refer to myself in any way I like

I didn't say that was an exclusive trait.

Was she BU? Imo, no. And if so, how does she fix it? Imo, n/a.

She is clearly not close to the neighbour. There is no evidence whatsoever that yesterday's blank had anything at all to do with the exchange a month ago anyway.

Honestly, if the neighbours took the comment as a dig because they knew that their son had been playing the sax and disturbing neighbours, they should be knocking on her door to apologise, not the other way around. She has done absolutely nothing to apologise for.

We'll have to agree to differ. What about this situation has rattled your cage?

@dulcimena

what about this situation has rattled your cage?

Nothing. I am merely responding to the OP and giving my honest opinions, which is what she asked for.

It seems that me giving my honest opinions on the OP's situation, (which is what she asked for,) has ruffled your feathers.

Why is that?

He may not have thought you were rude -- he may have just been shocked and embarrassed because it had never occurred to him that you could hear them practicing. Do you share a wall with them?

I never knew my neighbours could hear me playing (badly) the violin. I'm a beginner. DD and DH also play three other instruments between them (but much better than I do).

Raven - lol, your last post was directed at me so I replied to you You seemed to take offence at both my language and my opinion, enough to want to post @ me directly.

You have your opinion, and I have mine, and as I wrote in my last post, we can agree to disagree. There's absolutely no issue here, except you seemingly taking offence to my earlier post...

I don't think I'd go round, but I'd make a point of explaining things next time I saw them.

As a pp said, it's a good idea to be on good terms with your neighbours.

FWIW I think having ASD (very slightly) makes me more tolerant of other people's foibles. I usually put it down to probable ASD Also people who suffer from anxiety.

Anxiety is very common in ASD people. Though IME some people with ASD are hyposensitive to what other people might or might not think so probably have low levels of anxiety.

reuset

Great minds think alike