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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD11 threatened by another parent today

102 replies

keepingonrunning · 11/05/2017 20:43

According to DD, she had made a well intentioned but lame joke in class to the group she calls friends. One of this group took it very personally. DD apologised straight away. Friend would not forgive. DD was blanked at break and apologised again. The group of friends still refused to forgive and ran away from her.
At the end of the school day the class teacher sorted it all out. DD and all the friends left happily. Friend who had been offended waved to DD as she was driven past in her car on the way home. However her father leaned out of the car window and said to DD, "You had better behave tomorrow or there will be consequences".
Any considered advice? I have got on ok with these parents in the past on an arranging playdates level. I don't know what to do, if anything.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 11/05/2017 20:44

What was the joke?

PeaFaceMcgee · 11/05/2017 20:45

What a prick. I'd tell the school she had been intimidated by him.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 11/05/2017 20:45

I'd do nothing .

Original poster
keepingonrunning · 11/05/2017 20:45

Ribbing about liking a boy in year 4.
I wouldn't favour contacting the other parents.

OP posts:
EllaElla · 11/05/2017 20:46

What was the joke? Obviously seems like a sensitive topic for the girl/dad in question.

Original poster
keepingonrunning · 11/05/2017 20:46

. . . ribbing about liking a boy when they were all in year 4.

OP posts:
EllaElla · 11/05/2017 20:47

Sorry x post

ifeelcraptonight · 11/05/2017 20:47

I wouldn't do anything about that.

its not as if he said he was going to batter her

Original poster
keepingonrunning · 11/05/2017 20:48

Thanks for your points of view.
Back in a little while

OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 11/05/2017 20:49

I can't see that the dad has said anything terrible. Consequences could mean talking to her parents /teacher. He's hardly threatened to slap her.

ollieplimsoles · 11/05/2017 20:50

Christ was that it? Her dad fighting imaginary battles for her because her friend teased her for liking a boy. Id be telling her to get a bit of a thicker skin Confused

SaucyJack · 11/05/2017 20:53

I think you should keep your head down, and encourage your DD to do the same.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 11/05/2017 20:57

Her dad fighting imaginary battles for her because her friend teased her for liking a boy. Id be telling her to get a bit of a thicker skin

Therein layeth the problem. (a) we assume the OPs daughter is the one telling the truth, (b) we assume the girl has told her father the same version the OPs daughter has recounted.

Somewhere in the middle will be the truth.

harderandharder2breathe · 11/05/2017 20:58

Girls sound as bad as each other.

If the teacher had sorted it then there was no need for the other parent to get involved

I think you should just ignore it and tell DD to do the same but to not be so silly tomorrow.

woodhill · 11/05/2017 20:59

Quite pathetic of the dad, what an over reaction.

Instasista · 11/05/2017 21:01

I wouldn't do Anything.

HighwayDragon1 · 11/05/2017 21:02

He told her to behave? I thought you were going to say he'd screamed at her or intimidated her. Maybe he was "joking" too...

ShoesHaveSouls · 11/05/2017 21:02

I would also do nothing. Other than thinking "Pathetic excuse for a man".

Trifleorbust · 11/05/2017 21:04

It sounds like the other girl forgave your DD but was still upset. I would leave this alone for now.

Toysaurus · 11/05/2017 21:07

Only you know the parent to gage any implied meaning. If he is the type of parent to become hostile or violent then tell the teacher. The parents at my child's last school would say things like this to other children in the playground and it meant that they would actually hurt them.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/05/2017 21:07

Don't be such a drama queen! Your DD wasn't 'threatened', she was told to behave herself. Whether it's sorted in school or not, a parent is still entitled to stand up for their child. They don't stop being your child because they're at school.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 11/05/2017 21:07

Start a feud, send threatening letters, or better still burn their house down.

He's bit of a dick. The world is full of them

YouWhatMate · 11/05/2017 21:08

I would use this opportunity to teach DD about how some people (children and adults) are very sensitive and/or don't always understand how to take a joke/teasing. Explain to her that it's not her fault at all, but maybe she could avoid saying that kind of thing to this friend in the future, now that we know she gets upset so easily. It's a useful enough lesson for an 11 year old.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/05/2017 21:09

Fuck me toysaurus - where the hell were you living?

However, given he's a 'playdate' parent, I doubt he was threatening actual harm.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 11/05/2017 21:10

The joke wasn't 'well-intentioned'. Teasing a (presumably) Y6 girl about liking a Y4 boy would not have any good intentions in it. And it clearly upset your DD's friend.

The father was completely in the wrong, of course. He shouldn't have said anything to your DD. But your DD went out to upset her friend, so she's hardly come out covered in glory.

I'd leave it. I don't think you'd be doing your DD any favours if you spoke to the school. And you absolutely shouldn't talk to the father. Obviously, if anything further happens, you can decide to go to the school.

But I think I'd take the opportunity to have a chat with your DD about treating others in the way she'd like to be treated herself. And remind her that teasing can be very hurtful indeed.