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AIBU?

DD11 threatened by another parent today

102 replies

keepingonrunning · 11/05/2017 20:43

According to DD, she had made a well intentioned but lame joke in class to the group she calls friends. One of this group took it very personally. DD apologised straight away. Friend would not forgive. DD was blanked at break and apologised again. The group of friends still refused to forgive and ran away from her.
At the end of the school day the class teacher sorted it all out. DD and all the friends left happily. Friend who had been offended waved to DD as she was driven past in her car on the way home. However her father leaned out of the car window and said to DD, "You had better behave tomorrow or there will be consequences".
Any considered advice? I have got on ok with these parents in the past on an arranging playdates level. I don't know what to do, if anything.

OP posts:

Report

SaucyJack · 11/05/2017 21:10

"Explain to her that it's not her fault at all,"

Erm.... it's quite clearly entirely the OP's DD's fault for teasing her friend in the first place.

MrsDustyBusty · 11/05/2017 21:11

Whether it's sorted in school or not, a parent is still entitled to stand up for their child.

A child teased her friend. Parents should not get involved. Teachers should only intervene if it ongoing, not one ill advised joke followed by an apology.

They have to learn to handle these minor events themselves. Imagine a grown man confronting a child like that. How ridiculous.

Sleepdeprivedredhead · 11/05/2017 21:11

It's not teasing though is it. It's rumours and the intention to betray a confidence. Friends wont stick if that carries on. You really need to let her know that.

llangennith · 11/05/2017 21:12

Going against the flow but I think I'd mention it to the school as the father's comment and attitude will surely influence his daughter's attitude towards your DD.
Unfortunately fathers tend to overreact in these situations whereas mothers usually know when to leave it alone.

YouWhatMate · 11/05/2017 21:13

Erm.... it's quite clearly entirely the OP's DD's fault for teasing her friend in the first place

If I believe my DD that it was friendly joking between friends, then it's not really her fault that the other person got offended.

Matilda The OP's wording was a bit ambiguous but she later clarified that her DD was teasing a friend about liking a boy when they were all in year 4. As in, in the past. Not as mean as saying she likes a boy 2 years younger, I don't think.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/05/2017 21:13

Ooh he's a big ard knock bloke. Threatening a little girl.
What consequences will their be. What's he going to do.
I'd have to go up the school to make them aware, and make damn sure my child was going to be safe guarded.
Yes your dd did need telling, but not by a burly bloke.

TheDowagerCuntess · 11/05/2017 21:14

No-brainer, I would stay well out of it.

LesisMiserable · 11/05/2017 21:14

I wouldn't say anything either. I think all parents can reserve the right to get horribly defensive when their child has been slighted. I know I have. I have wanted to murder the little arseholes. The fact is all kids are generally as bad as each other, you get half a story off them all…girls in particular will have their parents fighting absolute wars over them - and then be best of friends again the next day.

Let it blow over, it will.

MyCalmX · 11/05/2017 21:16

The df should not have said anything to your dd. We are talking about young girls ribbing each other, not a grown man getting involved.

But make sure your dd does understand it was a mean thing to do.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/05/2017 21:17

Don't be a drama Queen

I would stay way out of it.

Let it blow over

To paraphrase just a few statements.
I take it you'd all be fine with your children being threatened, then, and He was threatening her. The fucking big bully

Armadillostoes · 11/05/2017 21:18

I actually think that the man's behaviour was very inappropriate. He had heard one side of a story and made a child feel uncomfortable. Was his daughter really upset, or was she a queen bee making a big drama in order to get attention? I am not saying that she WAS but it is a very plausible scenario. Sometimes children (and adults) decide to take offence or start a quarrel in order to punish or hurt somebody. The very fact that the girl got such a dramatic reaction from him so quickly suggests that she has been rewarded with attention and unquestioning endorsement when she moans about a bit he child. That isn't a healthy context for her to be in.

Also, politely asking the father not to approach your daughter directly is hardly starting a soap opera style feud. That seems a reasonable responseto me.

Toysaurus · 11/05/2017 21:20

Annie it was a place where a good proportion of a housing estate thought that dragging a local man out of his flat, stabbing him to death and setting his body on fire on the green in the mistaken belief he was a paedophile was a good idea. If a parent threatened a primary school child like in the OP's case, there's a reasonable Chance they meant it.

Hia3 · 11/05/2017 21:21

I would do nothing- -although I would feel irritated and cross with the Dad.

If you say anything, you will make things worse.

Play down the comment from the Dad, as I am sure your daughter will be worrying. I do personally think the Dad was very OTT.

Just encourage your daughter to play nicely and explain that obviously her comment must have really upset this girl.

Things will be fine and soon forgotten.

Confutatis · 11/05/2017 21:21

What YouWhatMate said.
I guess your DD is quite upset. I hope she feels ok now. She may have learned from the experience and perhaps that's not such a bad thing.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/05/2017 21:21

I would speak to school.

It was sorted at school no parent needed to get involved but he had to take it further when there was no need. Intimidating a primary aged kid is not on.

And an 11 year old does not need to grow a thicker skin FFS, the other girls father needs to stop being a bullying cunt.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 11/05/2017 21:22

I imagine the truth of the OP's DVD's "teasing" is somewhat different to her version.
You either keep out of it, or find out how much "teasing" your daughter is involved in to the point her dad intervenes.
You might not like what you find out either.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 11/05/2017 21:23

It's not just the father who has only heard one side of the story is it.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 11/05/2017 21:23

Dd's

Italiangreyhound · 11/05/2017 21:24

Assuming you think he did not mean any harm by it, I would ignore it. I would encourage your dd not to take those type of jokes, it's a shame you can't joke around in school but it seems best not to when you are a pre-teen.

All the best.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/05/2017 21:26

It doesnt matter what was said by each girl! The teacher sorted it.

The only person who has caused an issue is the father.

Neverknowing · 11/05/2017 21:32

What an arse! I don't know what I'd do but I imagine that'd be quite scary for a young girl from a man? Horrible.

Emeraude · 11/05/2017 21:34

You should tell the school. At the very least they should keep a record of it in case he does something like that again.

keepingonrunning · 11/05/2017 21:37

Yes DD is upset and worried. She had only intended to lighten the mood.
Unfortunately this isn't the first bullying man in her life.

OP posts:

Confutatis · 11/05/2017 21:40

I'm sorry to hear that.
I'd have a small word with her teacher but don't try to draw too much attention to it. It will sort itself out in time.

TheDowagerCuntess · 11/05/2017 21:41

With all due kindness, it's not bullying. Bullying is sustained. It's an unkind comment, and you'd do better to encourage her to blow it off.

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