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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my sister's wedding early?

84 replies

PuffinNose · 30/04/2017 15:18

It's on a Sunday. We'll have to travel by train and we'd normally stay overnight but it's a (primary) school day the next day and I'd rather my son didn't miss it.
The ceremony is at 1pm and I'm a bridesmaid. It's an informal thing. Think pub lunch rather wedding breakfast. There isn't anything planned for the Monday.
Would it be unreasonable for us to leave at say 5/6ish? We can get the train and son will be in bed by 10ish, he will probably sleep on the train too.
On the one hand I feel rotten even thinking about it but realisttically my son will want to go to bed by 8ish so that means husband will leave with him and I won't know anyone other than immediate family so probably won't stick around much later anyway.

OP posts:
Skyllo30 · 30/04/2017 15:22

Sounds fine to me, is your sister objecting? Anyone getting married on a Sunday or weekday has to accept that not everyone can take time off work for their wedding.

I'm getting married next year, we're having a nearly 2 year long engagement just so we can have a Saturday in the venue we love. I have a lot of relatives who are teachers and don't live where we do (UK but different country).

BackforGood · 30/04/2017 15:23

Of course YANBU.
A lot of people will do the same. It's what happens if you choose to marry on a Sunday.
It doesn't even sound as if it will be that early, if ceremony is at 1pm and it's a less formal 'do' for the meal, anyway.

AppleMagic · 30/04/2017 15:24

I think I'd make an effort to stay for a sibling, especially as a bridesmaid.

Oldraver · 30/04/2017 15:25

Well I don't think your sister can complain if you really feel your son has to be in school next day.

But...a close relatives wedding is something I would take my child out of school for

MitzyLeFrouf · 30/04/2017 15:26

On the one hand people getting married on a Sunday must expect this kind of thing but on the other hand it seems a bit if a shame for you to cut the day so short.

So no one is being unreasonable but would it be such a disaster if your child missed a day of school?

Underthemoonlight · 30/04/2017 15:27

Surely they can miss one day of school, it's your siblings wedding your bridesmaid and wanting to leave shortly afterwards is a little rude in my opinion.

Original poster
PuffinNose · 30/04/2017 15:27

Should add that my son is also a bridesmaid (he said he wanted to be a bridesmaid, not a pageboy. We're not quite sure what that actually means in practice...) and if asked I am sure he would say he doesn't want to miss school.

OP posts:
Asmoto · 30/04/2017 15:30

Have you talked to your sister about it - if she's unhappy, could you compromise by staying on alone?

user1488721675 · 30/04/2017 15:30

I'd let mine miss school for a siblings wedding. If she's not bothered about you going I don't see an issue, have they actually any plans after the meal? It sounds pretty informal so 6pm leave sounds about right for most of the guests anyway

TheMysteriousJackelope · 30/04/2017 15:31

Is it possible for your DH to take your DS home early and you stay for the rest of the celebrations?

I think it is perfectly fine to take your DS home early. An evening do isn't going to be much fun for a primary school aged child - they are mostly aimed at adults and he'll have done his part during the ceremony.

Batgirlspants · 30/04/2017 15:31

What is your ds wearing?

Personally I would stay and sack off school. He's primary age so hardly missing GCSE course work.

CottonSock · 30/04/2017 15:32

I think I would want my sister to stay

OlennasWimple · 30/04/2017 15:34

I would let my son miss one day of primary school, assuming that there's nothing special going on that day that he really doesn't want to miss (sports day, awards assembly etc). Hopefully his auntie's wedding is going to be a once in a lifetime event

burnoutbabe · 30/04/2017 15:34

I'd say by 5/6 most of the main events will be over and it would be winding down anyway.
So i'd be heading back. Its only the evening part you'd be missing.

MummysMaison · 30/04/2017 15:35

He could always miss the morning. It's not a big issue for you really with regards to school but for your sister it is one of the biggest days of her life. If it was me I would be upset if you left early, especially being part of the bridal party.

happypoobum · 30/04/2017 15:36

YANBU - I would imagine a lot of people will have to leave early due to work commitments the next day. Holiday is precious and most people wouldn't use it up for someone else's wedding.

haveacupoftea · 30/04/2017 15:36

YABU. It's your sisters wedding day, I can't believe you cant take one day out of your life to be there for her from start to finish.

TheSparrowhawk · 30/04/2017 15:38

I would be heartbroken if my own sister couldn't make the effort to stay around for a once in a lifetime event like a wedding. There is no way on earth I'd leave my sister's wedding early - I'd be there till the very end taking care of her.

TheSparrowhawk · 30/04/2017 15:39

This isn't just 'someone else' - it's her sister!! And she and her son are bridesmaids!

MarklahMarklah · 30/04/2017 15:40

For close family wedding, school won't have an issue with one day's absence (or at least, are highly unlikely to), particularly if you have involvement in the ceremony. If you're worrying about leaving early/on time, you're not going to enjoy yourselves.

Witchend · 30/04/2017 15:41

5 I'd think is a bit early.
1.pm ceremony, takes about an hour.
Photos take an hour or more potentially. That takes you till 3 at least, probably later. Leaving at 5 will seem very rushed.

Why don't you leave at 8 seeing as he'll sleep on the tram anyway.

SapphireStrange · 30/04/2017 15:42

It's an inconvenient day and a young child. Of course YANBU.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/04/2017 15:42

I think yabu. If not missing school is that important can you get DS home with DH and let your hair down and enjoy the evening.If not I would say keep him up a little later. He could always just go in an hour or two late for school if you didn't want him to miss the entire day. You should stay for your sister. Leaving at 5 is very very early.

VerySadInside · 30/04/2017 15:44

I think your sister can't be annoyed if you go given she is getting married on a Sunday but she might be upset. If I was at a wedding and the brides sister left at 5/6pm I would feel very sorry for the bride that her sister couldn't spare her a whole day. Personally I would stay and go in morning, get son in for half day after "transport issues" getting home.

ALittleMop · 30/04/2017 15:44

Can you not just get a later train, and let DS skive the morning if he's tired?

That said I would do anything not to travel by train on a Sunday afternoon - service usually terrible, so I would stay over, relax and enjoy.

YWNBU but you are not exactly responding to the sense of occasion.