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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my sister's wedding early?

84 replies

PuffinNose · 30/04/2017 15:18

It's on a Sunday. We'll have to travel by train and we'd normally stay overnight but it's a (primary) school day the next day and I'd rather my son didn't miss it.
The ceremony is at 1pm and I'm a bridesmaid. It's an informal thing. Think pub lunch rather wedding breakfast. There isn't anything planned for the Monday.
Would it be unreasonable for us to leave at say 5/6ish? We can get the train and son will be in bed by 10ish, he will probably sleep on the train too.
On the one hand I feel rotten even thinking about it but realisttically my son will want to go to bed by 8ish so that means husband will leave with him and I won't know anyone other than immediate family so probably won't stick around much later anyway.

OP posts:
seven201 · 30/04/2017 15:46

I'd be pissed off if my sister didn't make the effort to stay for the whole thing. You need to talk to your sister to see how she reacts to the idea.

C0RAL · 30/04/2017 15:47

If he's young enough to have go to bed at 8pm then I guess he's only 6 or 7 years old. So it won't do him any harm to miss a days school. After all it's not every day you get to be part of the wedding party, it might be the only time in his life. So why not let him enjoy it.

I'd stay over and travel back the next morning.

He should be granted a days authorised absence for a relatives wedding.

I have to say I'm bemused at an informal pub lunch wedding with at least two bridesmaids. But there you go.

C0untDucku1a · 30/04/2017 15:48

Whats the layout of the day op? Is there a photographer? Is there a meal? Is there an evening disco??

hmcAsWas · 30/04/2017 15:52

Missing school for one day is so not a big deal and will not harm him educationally. Your sister's wedding only comes around once (hopefully) however....

loveka · 30/04/2017 15:52

I would be terribly upset if my sister left my wedding so early.

I would be terribly upset if my bridesmaids left my wedding so early.

I am assuming you don't actually like her that much? Are you just humouring her by bring a bridesmaid?

Mrsknackered · 30/04/2017 15:54

I don't think YABU if your sister is fine with it but personally I would stay later and let him miss school/go in late.

GreatFuckability · 30/04/2017 15:54

i'd just talk to your sister and see. I wouldn;t mind if my sister left early at all.

Original poster
PuffinNose · 30/04/2017 15:55

Sorry, dripfeeding...
Sister and I aren't particularly close. I was surprised to be asked to be a bm tbh.
We don't see each other much (although text a far bit) and she's met my son maybe 6 times at most.
No other kids apart from grooms brother (who is 15 but has a mental age of 6).
The evening thing is just a typical wedding day evening party.
Regardless of what people think aboit the 100% attendance thing it is actually really important to my son. The school does various tbings that onky students with an "excellent" attendance record can do.yes, it's crazy but that's how it is.
As for what he'll be wearing, who knows! Luckily my sister and partner will be happy for him to wear whatever he wants, including a dress if necessary. Although it does seem to be more about confort and sparkles right now.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 30/04/2017 15:58

Sounds like you actually don't really want to go.

Original poster
PuffinNose · 30/04/2017 16:00

Why does it sound like I don't want to go?

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 30/04/2017 16:05

I am assuming you don't actually like her that much? Are you just humouring her by bring a bridesmaid?

Sounds like you actually don't really want to go.

Where do people get this from? Hmm

thethoughtfox · 30/04/2017 16:08

Not cool.

andintothefire · 30/04/2017 16:09

It really depends on the reception. From what you say, lots of people may leave early so it is not a big deal to miss it. However, if they have evening entertainment planned then I would stay slightly later.

Personally I would be devastated if my sister left early for that reason, but I am much closer to her than you seem to be.

Phineyj · 30/04/2017 16:09

We got married on a Sunday and the whole thing finished at 5 - because people had work the next day and some had long journeys home. As you and DSis aren't close, I say do what works best for you.

SmokeCloak · 30/04/2017 16:10

I'd leave early. People getting married on a Sunday is a pita for guests who have work and school the next day.

SmokeCloak · 30/04/2017 16:11

I suspect you won't be the only one leaving early.

WankingMonkey · 30/04/2017 16:14

I think I would stay, even if I was knackered and bored off my tits tbh.

Would get DH to take child home for bed

hmcAsWas · 30/04/2017 16:17

"Sister and I aren't particularly close. I was surprised to be asked to be a bm tbh.
We don't see each other much (although text a far bit) and she's met my son maybe 6 times at most."

Perhaps the request to be a bridesmaid is an indication that your sister is hoping to start working on forming a closer relationship with you?

NormaSmuff · 30/04/2017 16:22

i think you could make a weekend of it, tbh. it is an honor to be a bridesmaid for both you and your ds.

HopefulHamster · 30/04/2017 16:26

Can't you just leave later, he will get a bit less sleep than normal, but as a one-off, who cares?

milliemolliemou · 30/04/2017 16:27

I'd go home at 6pm if I were you. But check the trains - I know some areas where Sunday trains are minimal/need buses between stations. I'd let your sister know, though and explain. So the upset doesn't happen on the day ...

Original poster
PuffinNose · 30/04/2017 16:32

I think the request was more that it's done thing to ask your sister ratger than anything else. Don't get me wrong, I am really excited and absolutely getting involved (eg last week I travelled for 4 hours each way on the train to go to a wedding fayre with her and we've not even started dress shopping etc yet) so this isn't in any way me trying to shirk my responsibilities. I plan on going down the day, or even 2 days before depending on what she wants/needs etc.
We are the only ones travelling and with a kid tgere.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 30/04/2017 16:33

Why don't you just talk it through with your sister. Don't say I want to leave early but more a chat about what's planned at each part of the day. And take it from there.

wellhonestly · 30/04/2017 16:34

If I wasn't a bridesmaid, I would have no prob leaving early, but ... I dunno... as a bridesmaid, do you not have the responsibility of "helping" the bride for the whole event?

e.g. handing out favours, dealing with any little emergencies such as finding more tissues, chatting to any people on their own, helping her go to the loo if she's wearing a meringue, etc?

rookiemere · 30/04/2017 16:39

Can't see the problem myself.
She knows you have a primary aged DC. She chose to have the wedding on a Sunday. You'll be there for most of the event and as its a Sunday I'd imagine there won't be many people hanging around in the evening.