to leave my sister's wedding early?

[PuffinNose]

It's on a Sunday. We'll have to travel by train and we'd normally stay overnight but it's a (primary) school day the next day and I'd rather my son didn't miss it.
The ceremony is at 1pm and I'm a bridesmaid. It's an informal thing. Think pub lunch rather wedding breakfast. There isn't anything planned for the Monday.
Would it be unreasonable for us to leave at say 5/6ish? We can get the train and son will be in bed by 10ish, he will probably sleep on the train too.
On the one hand I feel rotten even thinking about it but realisttically my son will want to go to bed by 8ish so that means husband will leave with him and I won't know anyone other than immediate family so probably won't stick around much later anyway.

Can't see any problem. It's only a wedding.

I think it's fine, surely others can't stay late either as it's work for most the next day.

School is important, mine would only be off if sick. I don't want them thinking it's ok to skip to do something else.

Chippednailvarnish - I see you missed tge part out where I talk about how I have been getting involved? Strange. It was part of the same post you quoted... I am going out of my way for her in lots of ways and I genuingely don't mind (even if I did, it's tough really because it's my job!) but I am getting a bit cross at people making out like I'm trying to find reasons not to do things.

I get on with my sister, we're just not close. As I say, I live several hours away from her and the rest of my family. I am really happy and excited for her and am looking forward to the day. I sort of thought that wouldn't need saying which is why I didn't.

I would never just leave on the day. This post was to get a general feeling before I talked to her about it. I completely agree that I need to give her the option to revoke my bm status if I do plan to leave early.

I don't really see what bms in a casual wedding do after the actual ceremony/photos?

Husband isn't well and he would find it difficult to manage an over tired/excitable child by himself. The weekend and travelling will exhaust him and he will need a day to recover as it is.

Not many will be available on the Monday morning so a post wedding breakfast/get together isn't possible.

As I say, she's met my son maybe 6 times, her partner has met him even less. My son needs prompting who she is by describing her dog. So from my son's pov, school is much more important and significant than a wedding of someone who is pretty much a stranger. The only other members of my family my son has met are my parents. I'm not sure which other family she's inviting (it's complicated) but it's highly unlikely he will ever meet them again.

Thanks for all your comments.

Lordy. As you pile on excuse after reason after excuse you are beginning to sound miserable.

Please just don't go. Make your excuses and relinquish having to make any effort at all.

Am just hoping my three DDs grow up with a little more love for each other than this.

Nope I would stay. I understand your dilema - but it's your sister's big and only day of getting married.

If you leave she will always have that in the back of her mind forever and so will you. Let your husband leave, I would just get through the small talk and sigh a breath of relief when it's all over.

Then you will look back without any regrets.

I'm rather at the recent trend for 'wedding' to = 'must take precedence over everything else'. I'm not sure whether this is the case in this instance (although I am also a bit about the concept of a Sunday wedding), but it seems to me as if some happy couples plan things that will be awkward/inconvenient/costly for their families and guests almost as a kind of test of regard.

It's not that a wedding takes precedence over everything just that it's important enough to interfere with day to day life. The solution is clearly that the OP stays and her DH and son go home if she is not comfortable keeping him off. OP keeps making excuses as to why she cannot stay and is even prepared to lose her role as BM for her own sister rather than do this. There does seem to be a backstory however so trying not to judge but she has asked for opinions and I honestly don't know anyone who would leave their sister's wedding at 5pm. My brother got married on a Wednesday no-one left early many of the family stayed overnight and had Thursday of too. That is normal in my experience.

Keepcalm. I hope your children are surrounded by more love too tbh. But i also hope they have tge type of relationship where they can discuss this sort of thing without judgement and where are more options than do x or have a strop and refuse to do anything.

Jesus! Op you do what you feel is right for your son. Not all families are close and not all have the same expectations. You've already said that 100% attendance is important to your son and his opinion absolutely matters. Let her know what you plan to do and if she says she'd rather you weren't BMW then just enjoy the day with no responsibility. Good luck.