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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave my sister's wedding early?

84 replies

PuffinNose · 30/04/2017 15:18

It's on a Sunday. We'll have to travel by train and we'd normally stay overnight but it's a (primary) school day the next day and I'd rather my son didn't miss it.
The ceremony is at 1pm and I'm a bridesmaid. It's an informal thing. Think pub lunch rather wedding breakfast. There isn't anything planned for the Monday.
Would it be unreasonable for us to leave at say 5/6ish? We can get the train and son will be in bed by 10ish, he will probably sleep on the train too.
On the one hand I feel rotten even thinking about it but realisttically my son will want to go to bed by 8ish so that means husband will leave with him and I won't know anyone other than immediate family so probably won't stick around much later anyway.

OP posts:

GloriaGilbert · 30/04/2017 16:40

It's obvious that you are not thrilled about this wedding. Do you think you can keep that under wraps?

I think it's far too early to leave. In your shoes I'd take the first train out Monday morning.

SmokeCloak · 30/04/2017 16:44

How is it obvious? Gloria

rookiemere · 30/04/2017 16:48

If you've not bought the BM dress then perhaps you could explain that you want to go back on the Sunday evening because of school ( you can play up on not being allowed to take days off) and you'd understand if that means it wouldn't be possible for you to be a BM and you'd be happy to be just a guest instead.

RandomMess · 30/04/2017 16:48

Why don't you stay over and have a chilled out morning to yourself before heading home??

Surely you'll have other family to catch up? Even if you take some books and disappear at 9pm you'll have least been there for the evening do?

SmokeCloak · 30/04/2017 16:52

Bridesmaids just become regular guests after the photos surely?

mygorgeousmilo · 30/04/2017 16:52

YABU why can't your husband take your son home/to school? If he really can't, one day off won't hurt to be a part of a special family event. I think you need to be there for the whole wedding in its entirety. It's not a colleague's wedding, it's your sister - it doesn't look good to leave early.

diddl · 30/04/2017 16:55

Can't see the problem tbh.

Surely a compromise is better than not going at all?

Chippednailvarnishing · 30/04/2017 16:57

Why does it sound like you don't want to go?

Sister and I aren't particularly close. I was surprised to be asked to be a bm tbh
We don't see each other much (although text a far bit) and she's met my son maybe 6 times at most
I think the request was more that it's done thing to ask your sister ratger than anything else

ALittleMop · 30/04/2017 17:00

^^PP had it right, let your DH take DS home
But his aunt's wedding should trump 100% attendance at school, imo.

beekeeper17 · 30/04/2017 17:00

As it's your sister and you're a bridesmaid I would try to make the effort to stay. Could your partner not take your son home whenever he needs to go to bed and you can stay on? I know you're worried that you won't know many people but surely the day is about your sister. Of course we don't know the family dynamics and there may be other things going on which could explain your reluctance.

rookiemere · 30/04/2017 17:02

That's a really good idea mygorgeousmilo OP to stay over and DH and DS to go home. Would that work OP?

NavyandWhite · 30/04/2017 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rookiemere · 30/04/2017 17:13

But if OP is in England surely her DS wouldn't get authorised absence anyway - particularly as the wedding is not on the Monday ?

pictish · 30/04/2017 17:15

Who the hell skips out on their sister's wedding because their kid has school the next day, except someone who doesn't rate their sister or her wedding?

PerfectPeachy · 30/04/2017 17:21

I also agree with pp's. You DH leaves with your DS at the end of the afternoon and you stay and enjoy the party.

SmokeCloak · 30/04/2017 17:22

Who the hell gets married on a Sunday and expects people to take the next day off.

Blinkyblink · 30/04/2017 17:25

The fact you're even asking would suggest you're not esuegially close to your sister, so I'm sure it will be fine

As someone very close to her sister, the idea of leaving her wedding early wouldn't cross my mind for a second. If my son had to be at school the following day, then I would ask DH to take him back. Me? I would be the last to leave.

hmcAsWas · 30/04/2017 17:33

"But if OP is in England surely her DS wouldn't get authorised absence anyway"

You call in sick

KeepCalm · 30/04/2017 17:34

He's in PRIMARY school? And this is your DSis?

Behave yourself. What's he going to learn in one Monday that's more important than your sister's wedding..........

rookiemere · 30/04/2017 17:42

Jeez, no wonder families fall out all the time if this decision can generate so much drama.

OP and her DH and her DS will be there for the wedding. They will also be there for the meal. She is proposing leaving at 6pm. I agree that a days primary school teaching is neither here nor there, but nor would I suggest is an additional 2 hours at an evening wedding party.

As it is a Sunday night, the majority of guests will not be staying late anyway, which is kind of what happens when you choose to have your wedding on a Sunday.

SmokeCloak · 30/04/2017 17:45

Unless she's a bridezilla and judging by this thread there's a lot of them about. She will understand.

diddl · 30/04/2017 18:42

"Jeez, no wonder families fall out all the time if this decision can generate so much drama."

Absolutely!

Op will see her sister married & be there for the meal afterwards.

I would have thought that that's more than enough!

Other people's lives don't grind to a halt just because someone get married!

RestlessTraveller · 30/04/2017 18:55

I think if you are planning on leaving early I would resign from being a bridesmaid.

Marmitepasta · 30/04/2017 19:10

I think yabvu.
It's her wedding day, you are her bridesmaid.
Your son is only primary aged so it is a non issue.
You obviously don't want to stay later and are using this as an excuse.

NapQueen · 30/04/2017 19:12

Cant don go home with his dad at teatime and you stay the evening and have breakfast with family abd friends in the.morning before coming home?

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