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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate people holding my newborn?

86 replies

Lillyrose2 · 16/04/2017 14:53

That's it really, I hate it. Especially hate how people like to use newborns as photo props. And how people I haven't heard from in months suddenly want to rush over to 'have a cuddle'

Realise I sound like a miserable cow but I really don't like it - except very close family I don't want anyone having a hold/cuddle. Starting to turn down visitors just to avoid the inevitable 'can I have a cuddle' Angry

I'm a first time mum - not sure if that's why I'm feeling so strongly about it! Grin

OP posts:
Celticlassie · 16/04/2017 14:57

I'm a first time mum and I love seeing other people enjoy newborn cuddles with my baby. We have plenty of time just the two of us.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

MamaTT · 16/04/2017 14:57

I'm expecting dc3 in July and I know exactly how you feel! I hated it with DC1&2 and already dreading it again. My best friend is a snapchat/instagram addict so I know her social media is going to be full of photos of her selfies with my baby DD. Luckily I live an hour away from any of my friends and family and it's only MIL who lives locally so I hopefully won't have too many unnannounced visitors (although MIL has already booked 2 weeks off work after my due date but that's a seperate issue).

WorraLiberty · 16/04/2017 14:58

I bet you'd have a lot more to moan about if no-one gave a shite about your baby.

Some people can't win, can they?

LilyRose16 · 16/04/2017 14:59

From one Lilyrose to another, you are feeling completely normal don't worry! I was like this too and we just stopped having visitors for a while, so glad we did. Don't feel bad about wanting some time wth baby on your own, other people will just have to wait. I didn't and still don't understand why people you haven't heard from in ages suddenly want to see you constantly, I still struggle with this, but now I've realised its my life and I'll live it how I want!

Pinkheart5915 · 16/04/2017 14:59

I never mind family or very close friends holding my babies but J that hadn't bothered with me for years before I had children is not using my child for photos!
I always hated strangers in coffee shops, no you can hold my baby! Look in the pram/sling and say they are cute if you must, I will talk to you about birth weight etc but no you can't hold them

People do stop asking to hold them as they get bigger, my oldest is now 19 months and nobody asks to hold him Gin ds now decides if he wants to cuddle you

SprogletsMum · 16/04/2017 15:00

I've just had dc4 and I still hate it.
I especially hate when they're sat holding my baby telling me to make sure I don't spoil this one by holding him so the time. Yeah sure I'll just be the milk dispenser and then hand him over. Hmm

Semaphorically · 16/04/2017 15:01

I hated anyone holding either DD1 or DD2 when they were tiny. I felt like they were an extension of me and that they should stay with me. Probably not rational at all, since objectively a little cuddle from someone else wouldn't hurt, but it was a very powerful instinct.

Original poster
Lillyrose2 · 16/04/2017 15:01

Celticlassie - I really wish I could find it enjoyable like that! I feel like I'm on edge until I have my baby back in my arms.

Mamatt- luckily my best friend is very similar to me and completely understanding and respectful - haven't had the same from all friends, some who've been pesting me for a visit from the day baby was born.. Hmm and I honesty think if I had an unannounced visitor I wouldn't answer the door Grin

OP posts:
HNY2017 · 16/04/2017 15:05

I hated it most of the time too, unless it was dh or a few select friends or family (and no rhyme or reason as to who really).

TBH I didn't like it until they were much much older babies and could clearly indicate whether they wanted to be held by whoever it was.

And more I hated the pressure to be relaxed about it. I just wanted them close to me most of the time. I'm not smothering or anything but it just felt right that they were with me, and they seemed to like it best that way too.

MTverystressed · 16/04/2017 15:07

Honestly having a baby can feel so lonely, when these friends and family start to notice that you don't like them being around / holding your baby and stop coming round, and your possibly tires from all the night feeds or if you have a poor sleepier i think you'll wish you had at least 1 person come round to visit and hold the baby.

ligersaremyfavouriteanimal · 16/04/2017 15:15

Totally normal, nothing wrong with feeling this way. I was the same with DC1 with anyone other than DH, with DC2/3 I didn't feel quite as protective but still had moments. Don't do anything you don't want to, babies are not a toy that everyone needs to "have a go" with.

How old is DC? Hormones are powerful things Flowers

BreakfastAtStephanies · 16/04/2017 15:17

YANBU.

I was perfectly ok with it with my family and close friends. People I like.

However I do remember when DD was newborn, DH's best friend came over with his girlfriend, who is a horrible cow ( we are NC with them nowadays , another story there ). She had the longest cuddle with DD, must have been holding her 10 minutes at least. During this time I just felt so stressed out and wanted to scream at her " give me my baby back " .

DD was only a few days old and my milk was coming in; don't know if that had anything to do with it. I think not, because I felt fine with others ( my mum, sister, best friend ).

The worst part is they will have brought round a bastard card and present so you have to be nice to them.

Whiterabbitears · 16/04/2017 15:19

It honestly never bothered me, I think I was pleased that people found them lovely and wanted to be close to them. It was also nice to be able to have a cup of tea with free arms! I didn't realise so many mums felt that way, I'm a newborn cuddler so maybe next time someone I know has a baby I will be more wary about asking for a cuddle Sad

Mrdarcyfanclub · 16/04/2017 15:29

No one was really interested in mine. Don't really have many broody friends/family. I'd have loved someone to have been interested/given me a break. Know mumsnet rules say, your baby, your rules. But seems a bit mean spirited if it's you and not the baby that's bothered by it.

RachelRagged · 16/04/2017 15:31

Oh get a grip OP .. FFS

CherriesInTheSnow · 16/04/2017 15:33

My logical brain was happy and excited to share DD with friends and family, but unfortunately for them me, my hormones/emotions went the opposite way - I was edgy and (in the very earliest days, up to about day 4) even tearful at the thought of others holding her. Your hormones will be the driving force behind your emotions in those earliest days when your milk is coming in too, and I think it's quite natural to feel this way during that period.

I wouldn't worry or feel too bad if you are not hugely comfortable with others holding her yet, I'm sure it will pass, don't let anyone guilt trip you either way :)

SnugglySnerd · 16/04/2017 15:35

Send them round to me, I have newborn twins and am grateful to anyone who will hold one of them!

KinkyAfro · 16/04/2017 15:35

No need whatso3ver for that response rachel totally unnecessary, same for worra. OP can't help how she feels, there's no need to be dicks about it

poppy2021 · 16/04/2017 15:36

I was like that initially first time around. After a little while I was glad of someone taking lo to give me a break. Especially when she developed colic. With 2nd DD anyone could have had herSmile. She was colicky too Shock

fabulous01 · 16/04/2017 15:37

Do those that are critical can you please remember OP is a new first time mum.
Emotions can be haywire plus lack of sleep. You do what feel right for you and sod the rest. If people are true friends they will understand. If not they will probably be on here criticising someone for something

AcrossthePond55 · 16/04/2017 15:38

Never bothered me. Newborns are pure love wrapped up in a soft blanket. Who wouldn't want to cuddle that? Who doesn't feel better after doing so?

I'll have their love for the rest of my life. It didn't bother me to share a little of it then.

DeanaPiana · 16/04/2017 15:39

I understand that you naturally feel close to DC and will want them with you 24/7 but your original post doesn't reflect that, it reflects how precious and special you think your DC is and how no one should take any joys from them but you.

I think YABU. People like newborns, big deal? Be thankful people are taking such an interest in your DC in their very early lives.

Also very precious of you to moan about the odd photo taken with DC.

haveacupoftea · 16/04/2017 15:39

I really dislike the attitude that others are using your baby for a photo op or whatever cynical reason other than fondness for a tiny new born baby. It is natural to love and want to cuddle and protect a tiny baby, it doesn't mean they're trying to take your place as mum or anything.

Whiterabbitears · 16/04/2017 15:41

snugglysnerdnewborn twins! Delicious! I'm envious of all those cuddles Grin

Whatsername17 · 16/04/2017 15:41

I think, for some people, it's a hormonal thing that comes with being a ftm. With dd1 I felt the same, almost like I couldn't breathe if she wasn't next to me. I felt anxious all of the time and so scared something would happen. With dd2 I've literally thruster her at people as they walk through the door. I'm just as well bonded with dd2 as dd1. I'm just so much happier in general and more relaxed. With dd1 I was emotional and really struggled. With dd2 I'm not. I don't know if it is experience or what ever. I just feel differently. Keep an eye out for the signs of post natal depression op. Looking back, I think I had a touch of depression that manifested itself as anxiety.