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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate people holding my newborn?

86 replies

Lillyrose2 · 16/04/2017 14:53

That's it really, I hate it. Especially hate how people like to use newborns as photo props. And how people I haven't heard from in months suddenly want to rush over to 'have a cuddle'

Realise I sound like a miserable cow but I really don't like it - except very close family I don't want anyone having a hold/cuddle. Starting to turn down visitors just to avoid the inevitable 'can I have a cuddle' Angry

I'm a first time mum - not sure if that's why I'm feeling so strongly about it! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Lillyrose2 · 16/04/2017 17:03

Cansu - actually I'm an introvert so a wide berth would be greatly appreciated! Wink

And I wouldn't mind in the slightest if people I haven't heard from in months didn't want to visit! that's what I expected Smile and as I mentioned I have had closest friends over for a visit and gasps a cuddle Shock without my head exploding.

Please calm down! Thought I was angry and hormonal HmmGrin

OP posts:
upsidedownmonkey · 16/04/2017 17:10

I seem to remember the general rule of thumb was only close family and friends to visit in the first 2 weeks - this gives you time to get used to your new life and maybe hormones to calm down before you have to deal with randoms! It might help if you can put people off for a week or so, your newborn is really very new, hopefully you will be ready to show off your baby by then and enjoy seeing people. Good luck and remember everything changes all the time with babies including your own feelings

thecatsarecrazy · 16/04/2017 17:16

My ds 3 was in hospital with me for a month. I wish I could pass him to someone else while I got on with housework but he kicks up every time. Wont even snuggle with dad

CherriesInTheSnow · 16/04/2017 17:17

Of course when you dislike someone else's opinion tell them to f off

Actually cansu, I think you should take what you said into consideration yourself.

I have no problem with you having a different opinion. What I do have a problem with is how you are completely invalidating the OP's (and many other women's) feelings. Just because you don't personally feel the same way. You've been so over the top nasty in your post (about a pretty innocuous issue really) and you have no right to say that the OP is being "pathetic".

I would have said this, instead of simply telling you to fuck off, but I assumed it would fall on deaf ears, given that you thought it would appropriate to write that load of absolute bollocks in the first place.

Semaphorically · 16/04/2017 18:31

cansu you would probably never know that your friends felt like this, they would most likely feel that it would be rude to say no when asked for a newborn cuddle. I would feel I couldn't say no, for example, even if I wanted to. My solution was to dissuade visitors from coming for the first few weeks instead!

user1483705947 · 16/04/2017 19:18

I hated it with dc1 and my dh offered him out to EVERYONE. It really annoyed me. The most important thing is that the baby is bonded with the parents, others aren't that important, so if they're sat there baby hogging then it bloody irritates me.

LittleLionMansMummy · 16/04/2017 19:29

With my first it was all so new and precious to me that although I was happy for others to hold him, I always secretly couldn't wait to have him back - because I wanted cuddles too!

With the second, I knew it would be a small amount of time and then I'd get dd all to myself again. Indeed there were times when I appreciated being able to hand her over - it gave me precious time to give 6yo ds some attention and cuddles so he wasn't left out.

The only time I've really lost my shit become protective was when dd was about 5 weeks old and dh was passing her around to various randoms at a new year's eve party because his judgement was impaired due to too many beers. I didn't mind when I was close by, but he began getting blasé about it, so I reclaimed her every time and read him the riot act. I mean I know he's proud of her, but that doesn't include handing her over and wandering off to get a drink. Hmm

Other than that, very happy with family and friends having cuddles and love nothing more than to see my parents interacting with my babies.

Heirhelp · 16/04/2017 19:32

I am not read other people's replies and I was flamed the last time I said this but just don't hand your new born round. Our HV and midwife were very clear that is not in the best interests of your child. A scared new born awa from Mum will go quiet so you have no idea if your baby is in distress.

FloatyCat · 16/04/2017 19:45

I was going to say don't be a meanie OP, as some of us have big hulking teenagers who won't even give us a little grunt never mind a snuggle Grin then I saw your little baby is not even a week old, so that's completely fair enough you don't want to let them too far away from you.

Harvey246 · 16/04/2017 19:46

Totally like this with my first. Second I was a bit more relaxed about but still had my moments. I still feel bad for the times pre kids when I had no idea about how strong that instinct is and would happily sit there holding newborns for hours if I was left to my own devices. I never ask new mums now and even if offered, if they are tiny I often refuse and make an excuse. Usually can see the mum visibly relax when she realises I don't expect her to hand her baby over.

user1471545174 · 16/04/2017 20:26

I'm glad now I've never offered to hold a newborn but just cooed from a distance! I've accidentally been doing the right thing Smile

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