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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that this is still stealing?

99 replies

IsThisStealing123 · 11/04/2017 10:13

Yesterday, I took DD and her friend (both 9) out shopping. They had a sleepover the night before.

In one particular shop, DD and friend mithering for a pic'n mix (sp?)
Anyway I agreed, and let them have a regular cup each. I turned around, and there was DD's friend merrily helping herself eating from the tubs! Anyway, I said 'You aren't allowed to eat them, we haven't paid yet' and friend said sorry (sheepishly)

I mentioned in passing to friends mum at hometime and she was quite snappy, said that I didn't have the authority to tell her child what to do, it wasn't stealing and in her words 'It was just a fucking sweet' She seemed to think that because it was a tiny thing, it wasn't stealing.
AIBU to think that this is still stealing, and DD's friends mum was out of order?

OP posts:

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 11/04/2017 10:16

Yes it is stealing. She WBVU.

pipsqueak25 · 11/04/2017 10:17

small thing but still stealing and not setting a good example if the mother snaps at you, probably irritated as you've had the moral high ground,
don't tell her child what to do ?? if said child is in your care, you are responsible for looking after her and if need be telling her off and keeping her safe. mum is a idiot or somewhat lacking in something.

gandalf456 · 11/04/2017 10:19

She sounds a right tools. I wouldn't be having her again in a hurry

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 11/04/2017 10:20

I'd have told her off too and then not bought the sweets, can't abide stealing in any form.

soapboxqueen · 11/04/2017 10:30

Yes it is stealing. It is permanently depriving the business of something without paying for it.

A1Sharon · 11/04/2017 10:31

Most of the pick'n'mix places I know have a system where you pay for the cup, not what goes in it. Therefore eating out of them before you have paid doesn't matter, IYKWIM? As long as youre not eating them all and then refilling it .
She did something naughty, looked ashamed and apologised.
why did you tell her mum though? That was mean and sneaky of you.
The mum was incredibly rude.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 11/04/2017 10:33

Of course that's wrong. Although having said that I don't think I would feel it's wrong If you were doing pick your own strawberries.... I wonder why as it's the same thing?

Imaginingdragonsagain · 11/04/2017 10:34

Also if it was my child, I would want to know.

Ferrynice · 11/04/2017 10:36

Yes it's stealing and you were right to tell her not to eat them but if you didn't get any back chat or the child wasn't upset I don't think you needed to mention it to Mum.
I would of just passed it off as one of those things.
The mum's reaction was completely uncalled for though (she sounds like a massive bitch ) and I would be reluctant to have her DD again.

allmycats · 11/04/2017 10:36

The child was eating from the tubs, not her own cup. The mother's reaction shows why the child was doing this. I would not have this child visit again.

MrsJayy · 11/04/2017 10:37

Her mother sounds a delight you were right to tell her off as you were looking after her saying that i used to pinch pick n mix from wollies as a kid until i was caught by the woolies shop assistant she shouted at us PUT THAT SWEETIE DOWN

DJBaggySmalls · 11/04/2017 10:39

Warn your daughter that if she goes to the shops with other kids, watch out for them using her as a cover for their shoplifting. If they get caught she'll get dragged into it.

FastMakoShark · 11/04/2017 10:41

Don't think I'd want the girl back at my home after that if she thinks its ok to steal, as it could be one of your own posessions next. You're lucky none of the staff saw as it would have been you in the shit presumably

DragonFire99 · 11/04/2017 10:43

'It was just a fucking sweet'

Wow. Charming attitude. I'd not have that girl over to play again.

NataliaOsipova · 11/04/2017 10:45

I think some of the responses are a bit OTT in regard to the actual "stealing" and I wouldn't have thought it worth mentioning to her mother. That said, you're right in theory.....but it's unbelievable that the mother is saying you don't have authority to tell her what to do when she has left her in your care. Don't you implicitly give that authority to any adult with whom you leave your child, be that granny, nanny, schoolteacher, parent of friend etc etc? I wouldn't have the child again, purely on that basis.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 11/04/2017 10:45

Sharon generally it's by weight. (My ds works at cinema and many people try this by cramming the cups to bursting, then not wanting them when it costs eleventy million quid. (Btw, they have to bin them then))
But yep, nicking, mum is a knob.

Giddyaunt18 · 11/04/2017 10:46

Eating from the tub you had filled but hadn't paid for? I don't mind that as it's not a price for weight. Or was it eating from the tub the sweets are stored in at the shop? that's stealing and you were right to correct her as you were acting in loco parentis.

TheBookIsOnTheTable · 11/04/2017 10:52

In what way exactly did you mention it to the girl's mum? Because her reaction sounds totally over the top.

Itaintme · 11/04/2017 10:53

Meh it's just a sweet. I wouldn't get worked up about it.

WicksEnd · 11/04/2017 11:01

YABU to let your DD eat from those germ infested bacteria pits. Bleugh.
I've seen kids sneeze on em, but their bogey fingers in them, put them back in after having a good sniff/lick of them.

Am I putting you all off yet?

But yes it's stealing.

Dreardre · 11/04/2017 11:01

Stealing.

BestZebbie · 11/04/2017 11:02

I feel/was brought up that eating anything that you haven't already paid for is stealing - but opinion is divided on this.

Regardless, if the sweets were valued by weight, it was definitely stealing, as the sweet wouldn't get weighed. By cup, it is arguable.

Bantanddec · 11/04/2017 11:02

Yanbu I wouldn't take that child out again if you "don't have the authority to tell my child what to do" which makes it impossible to look after the child properly, however I guess you would have had the authority if she wanted to run across a busy road!

floraeasy · 11/04/2017 11:05

said that I didn't have the authority to tell her child what to do

Telling her child what to do might be very important when you are the adult responsible for her on sleepovers!

If this is the way your friend feels, I would explain you are no longer able to have her child over again.

Since you and your friend are on different pages regarding morals and stealing, it might be for the best anyway.

ohtheshameshameshame · 11/04/2017 11:06

I would also be interested to know what you said exactly? Why did you mention it? Surely it was dealt with. Also agree with the pp about paying for the cup not the weight. TBH it sounds to me, and I could be wrong, that you were maybe a bit smug/ goady/ judgemental to the parent and she's felt defensive.

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