To think that this is still stealing?

[IsThisStealing123]

Yesterday, I took DD and her friend (both 9) out shopping. They had a sleepover the night before.

In one particular shop, DD and friend mithering for a pic'n mix (sp?)
Anyway I agreed, and let them have a regular cup each. I turned around, and there was DD's friend merrily helping herself eating from the tubs! Anyway, I said 'You aren't allowed to eat them, we haven't paid yet' and friend said sorry (sheepishly)

I mentioned in passing to friends mum at hometime and she was quite snappy, said that I didn't have the authority to tell her child what to do, it wasn't stealing and in her words 'It was just a fucking sweet' She seemed to think that because it was a tiny thing, it wasn't stealing.
AIBU to think that this is still stealing, and DD's friends mum was out of order?

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Definitely stealing. It's the same as eating grapes before they get weighed at the checkout!

But no wonder the child didn't realise it was wrong since her mother condoned the petty theft!

YANBU to be a bit pissed off at the mum's reaction, tbh. I'd worry about having the child around as she gets older if she isn't taught any better than that :(

[ohtheshameshameshame]

Thanks for clarifying OP! Sounds like she's definitely overreacted then! Makes sense that the issue is more the mum than the girl. She really shouldn't speak to you like that under any circumstances.

Still don't think the grand theft cola bottle is a huge deal. Sounds like boundary pushing to me. A bit at some posters' attitudes.

[MiddleClassProblem]

It could be that she doesn't get free reign on the pic n mix normally and doesn't know how it works, it could be that she just gave into temptation but yes, this is stealing but at least she apologised. She sounds like a nice kid. The mum is either a twat or had and overly defensive knee jerk reaction to being told her daughter did something naughty.

[ohtheshameshameshame]

Not really irrelevant is it though? Unless you see only in black and white? Judges, police officers, people all put crimes and thefts into a hierarchy of 'importance' for want of a better word.

A nine year old stealing a sweet, being reprimanded for it and stoping the behaviour is not a big deal. Lesson learned. The 'girl is a thief' 'I wouldn't have her back' type comments are a bit harsh.

[GwenStaceyRocks]

I wouldn't have mentioned it to the mum even in passing. That made it seem a bigger deal than it was. You had dealt with it.

[specialsubject]

The kid was eating from the tubs. That is theft.

Clearly being brought up to steal. Don't leave her unsupervised in your house. Mumsy wumsy won't return anything that her ickle pwincess takes.

[Trifleorbust]

If you don't have the authority to tell her what to do, never, ever look after her again. The pic n mix thing isn't a massive deal but obviously a poor lesson from Mum that it is 'just a sweet' - yes, one that we haven't paid for!

[flibflob]

OP you were spot on in dealing with it. It wouldn't put me off having the girl back, but her mum's reaction would put me off sending my DD to theirs. Sounds like she could do with your guidance tbh.

[MiddleClassProblem]

Clearly being brought up to steal

Like the artful dodger?

[upperlimit]

Yes it's stealing. Probably why pic n mix is so expensive - there's a built in margin to cover what gets eaten and not paid for.

Holy Shit, this again. Yes, it's stealing. No, it isn't great. But this there's a built in margin to cover what gets eaten and not paid for is bullshit.

Companies don't go: right, let's charge the people the cost of the product, plus a reasonable profit, plus let's work in an amount to cover loss from people eating sweets from the bin.

They go: What is the most that we can charge people for these sweets before people choose not to buy them at all because of the cost? And then they go: isn't it a shame those stealing 9yos keep nicking sweets and eating into our profits? Maybe we should pay someone minimum wage to stand around and make sure that doesn't happen, hold on, no, it's not worth it.

Unless a company is operating close to the bone then there is no way loss like this figures in the pricing and given the profit margin on sweets in the cinema this is certainly not the case here.

[Oldbrownowl]

the people saying you wouldn't have her in the house as she is a thief are ridiculous, she is a 9 year old child who took a sweet and apologised when told off, christ what more do you want.

Frankly in no way is it similar to stealing an iphone etc. People get so worked up and over the top on this site.

[ohtheshameshameshame]

Being brought up to steal

Sounds like a crap channel 5 reality documentary. In addition to the cola bottle kid it will also feature office staff who put their work biro in their bag and a whole host of crims with late library books.

[Sparklingbrook]

It's not exactly crime of the century, and it doesn't deserve this level of judging IMO. All the reading between the lines too.

I wouldn't have even mentioned it to the Mum, just pointed out to the child at the time it was wrong to do it. Although thinking about it I probably wouldn't have hovered over the DC while they chose sweets anyway.

[SymphonyofShadows]

This reminds me of the great grapes debates of mumsnet yore

[Sparklingbrook]

Oh yes the grapes debate.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

To me, these are the rules:

Eating directly from the big dish - not fine (stealing)

Eating directly from your pot before weighing it - not fine (stealing)

Eating directly from your pot after weighing (or from a pot that costs the same whatever the weight) - fine. Still technically stealing but I wouldn't mind it so much as we would probably be just about to pay anyway.

The other mum sounds delightful

[kathkim]

Today, it's pic 'n' mix, in 20 years' time it'll be insurance fraud 'cos it's another "victimless" crime.

[Sparklingbrook]

Eating directly from the big dish - not fine (stealing)

Plus unhygienic.

[MrsELM21]

Yep, definitely stealing

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Indeed Sparkling! However if we start pulling on that thread then realistically the whole thing will be written off as grim (the sweets I carefully remove with the scoop will be the same sweets that some kid has fondled).....

Therefore LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAA no issues here

[LordPercy]

YANBU

It is stealing. My rules for my kids apply to whatever kids I am in charge of, and I'd want to know if my dc had done that.

I'd be swerving that mother in future though 🤔🙈

[reuset]

Yes, it isn't the done thing. You stopped her, told her so, she apologised.

I don't think it was serious enough to tell her mother in addition.

People do this in the 'pick your own' fields, too Strawberries especially.

Agreeing about the hygiene factor, or lack of, in pic' 'n' mix. Horrid stuff.

[BlackeyedSusan]

She should have known that you don't eat from the trays, but not a huge deal now she has been corrected.

Her mum's attitude is the problem. That is why I would be wary of taking her out etc.

[TheBookIsOnTheTable]

It's stealing but it's a very minor thing from nine year old. OP did the right thing and told her she shouldn't do it, and the kid said sorry.

It was the child's mum that was so rude and over the top about the whole thing.

[Sparklingbrook]

Like people that don't use the tongs for the bread. I feel like bashing them over the head with a pair, and I am not a violent person.