To think that this is still stealing?

[IsThisStealing123]

Yesterday, I took DD and her friend (both 9) out shopping. They had a sleepover the night before.

In one particular shop, DD and friend mithering for a pic'n mix (sp?)
Anyway I agreed, and let them have a regular cup each. I turned around, and there was DD's friend merrily helping herself eating from the tubs! Anyway, I said 'You aren't allowed to eat them, we haven't paid yet' and friend said sorry (sheepishly)

I mentioned in passing to friends mum at hometime and she was quite snappy, said that I didn't have the authority to tell her child what to do, it wasn't stealing and in her words 'It was just a fucking sweet' She seemed to think that because it was a tiny thing, it wasn't stealing.
AIBU to think that this is still stealing, and DD's friends mum was out of order?

[longlostpal]

I agree it is stealing and I think you did the right thing by telling the girl not to do it. The mum's reaction is extreme and weird. Perhaps she felt a bit judged when you mentioned it. I don't think it warranted mentioning to the other mum.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Think its totally over the top telling the motber. You orrected the child. End of story.For goodness sake peoples reaction is over the top..Its very important not to humiliate a child so just correct and move on..

[Ameliablue]

I think you were correct to ask the child to stop but the way you described it to the mum probably put her back up. If didn't really warrant a mention.

[joystir59]

Eating straight from the sweet trays is a bit yuck- grubby fingers all over the sweets.

[reuset]

Her mother shouldn't have said 'it was just a fucking sweet' that sounds like an overreaction to what you told us you said to her.

Any chance of clearing up that teeny discrepancy between your posts, OP
If she was eating from the large trays, and not the, intending to pay for as a unit, cup she was carrying, why did you say 'you aren't allowed to eat them, we haven't paid yet

[Sallystyle]

I would have told the girl to stop it and thought no more of it. I wouldn't think it was a big enough issue to tell her mum about.

Of course her mum sounds like a twat though.

[Foslady]

Hmmmm.......would be interesting to see if your dd went to their house and misbehaved of the mother would tell your dd off.....

[MiddleClassProblem]

Whose? Who's

Toddler fried brain

[MiddleClassProblem]

Oh the bread section I never take from. Or salad bars. Can only imagine whose sneezed on that, guard or no guard.

[catscurledupbythefire]

I think it was really mean and petty to tattletale to the child's mum. Obviously, she was really rude but I'd have been a bit although I definitely wouldn't have sworn!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

For myself, and probably lots of other posters here, the suggestion to "not have the child back again" stems from the mother's attitude, not the child herself.

The child was sheepish, said sorry - but clearly from her mother's response she didn't know it was wrong - which means she's not being taught that it's wrong, which means she isn't going to know that she's not supposed to help herself to other people's belongings.
And the mother then saying that the OP had "no authority" over her DD - fuck off. The suggestion from the mother's attitude is that her DD can do whatever the fuck she likes and the OP should just suck it up.

And THAT's why I'd be avoiding having the child over again, because she's not being given proper guidance in life and as she gets older is going to become more and more "entitled" and "you can't tell me what to do" and "If I want it, I'll take it".

[alltouchedout]

Of course it's stealing, and of course you have the right to tell a child not to do it when they're in your care. Bloody hell, would the mum be OK with you letting her dd do something that ended in injury or worse because it's not your place to tell her off?!

[blackteasplease]

I will be next year when they are ten.

You do have the authority to tell her dd what to do when in your care.

If her Mum doesn't like that, don't have her again.

[WyfOfBathe]

I wouldn't want her back. Not because she nicked a sweet, but because her mum doesn't think the person looking after her should be able to tell her off.

[hollyisalovelyname]

Yes it is stealing and there is a health issue too. Did she just stick her dirty hands in?
Yuck.
If it was like my local Tesco where you pay for the cup and she was taking sweets from the cup then no problem but you clarified it.
I wouldn't like my daughters playing with a child whose mother had a go at me like that mum did to you.
Wouldn't be the environment I'd like.
Each to their own.

[GloriaGilbert]

It seems a teensy bit over the top to tell her mother about it, don't you think? She sounds terribly rough and I wouldn't be inviting her back, mind you.

[ScarlettFreestone]

Quite frankly a nine year old should know better than to eat food in a shop that hasn't been paid for, regardless of her upbringing.

This isn't a 3 yo that doesn't understand you have to pay for things.

I agree that it was stealing. I have a 9 yo DD and if she did this, I'd want to know.

Personally I wouldn't have that child for a sleepover again, not because of the stealing but because the Mother said "you can't tell her what to do".

I wouldn't look after a child I don't have authority over.

[reuset]

The cups of sweets were a certain price for a cup, but DD's friend was eating from the trays the sweets were in, not the cups. And cup was all full, so the sweets she ate wouldn't have been able to fit in.

Anyway I agreed, and let them have a regular cup each. I turned around, and there was DD's friend merrily helping herself eating from the tubs! Anyway, I said 'You aren't allowed to eat them, we haven't paid yet' and friend said sorry (sheepishly)




If she was helping herself from the trays, not the cup she was holding, why would saying 'you're not allowed to eat them, we haven't paid yet' have made any difference?

[ohtheshameshameshame]

Totally agree with you wanker. The OP acted exactly as i would except I wouldn't have mentioned it to the parent.

I agree it's wrong but it's the harshness of the views other posters are offering that has my back up. Possibly a bit over involved here now

[Blinkyblink]

You told the mum!

Seriously!

[Sparklingbrook]

I am ok with that Contessa. Works well with dog poo too.

I don't mind touching communal tongs and scoops, because I am usually pushing the germ ridden trolley by it's handle anyway.

Sorry for hygiene tangent. Back to the bunfight...

[forfucksakenet]

Mother's attitude way off.

9 year old girl hardly destined for moral bankruptcy through the gateway crime of pick and mix theft for fuck sake.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

How do you feel about the 'Bag over the hand' trick Sparkling? When I get a bagel I take a bag, put my hand in it and select the bagel with that hand - once my hand is removed, the bag then holds the bagel.

I HATE touching communal tongs/scoops/what-have-you and so am very fond of the bag trick!

[WankersHacksandThieves]

A nine year old stealing a sweet, being reprimanded for it and stoping the behaviour is not a big deal. Lesson learned. The 'girl is a thief' 'I wouldn't have her back' type comments are a bit harsh.

I agree with your comments about the wouldn't have her back etc. The reason being it doesn't sound like the girl really knew what she was doing was wrong but accepted being told off and apologised.

However I do do disagree with the attitude that it's "only a sweet". Whilst judges etc will take a view on the severity of a crime. They still agree on what is wrong is wrong, they are supposed to make sure the punishment is in line with the severity. Which in this case the OP did. The other parent is an arse. Still think the OP could have avoided mentioning it, but the other parent massively over-reacted.

[Sparklingbrook]

Like people that don't use the tongs for the bread. I feel like bashing them over the head with a pair, and I am not a violent person.