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AIBU?

To think that this is still stealing?

99 replies

IsThisStealing123 · 11/04/2017 10:13

Yesterday, I took DD and her friend (both 9) out shopping. They had a sleepover the night before.

In one particular shop, DD and friend mithering for a pic'n mix (sp?)
Anyway I agreed, and let them have a regular cup each. I turned around, and there was DD's friend merrily helping herself eating from the tubs! Anyway, I said 'You aren't allowed to eat them, we haven't paid yet' and friend said sorry (sheepishly)

I mentioned in passing to friends mum at hometime and she was quite snappy, said that I didn't have the authority to tell her child what to do, it wasn't stealing and in her words 'It was just a fucking sweet' She seemed to think that because it was a tiny thing, it wasn't stealing.
AIBU to think that this is still stealing, and DD's friends mum was out of order?

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MiddleClassProblem · 11/04/2017 11:08

That bit in the full monty when he puts the sweet in his mouth and the alarm goes off.

Was it eating from the dispenser tubs or the cup she had loaded and had a set price rather than weighed?

TBH I've never been to a pic n mix that doesn't require weighing and o used to be a pro 😁

Aeroflotgirl · 11/04/2017 11:09

No wonder this girl did that, if her mother allowes her to get away with things.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/04/2017 11:10

Also though I wouldn't have mentioned it to the mother over something that minor and her reaction. If you had seen her put stuff in her pockets then that would be different. Sounds like them mum was being overly defensive in the moment.

LittlePaintBox · 11/04/2017 11:15

If you've go

If a child's friend staying, the friend should operate under the same rules as your child. Otherwise it's unfair on your child.

No real need to tell the mother though, unless the child complained about being told off? Either she thinks it's OK (which apparently she did), or thinks it's not but doesn't enjoy her child being called a thief.

I wouldn't particularly want my kid to have too much contact with a child whose family's concept of stealing is so different from mine, though.

emmyrose2000 · 11/04/2017 11:17

It's stealing. The girl's a thief.

Combined with her mother's godawful attitude, I wouldn't be having this girl over again.

joystir59 · 11/04/2017 11:19

Bit of a hygiene issue eating straight out of the sweet container isn't it? I steal grapes to 'test how sweet they are'

ohtheshameshameshame · 11/04/2017 11:23

*It's stealing. The girl's a thief.
*
She's 9 and it's a pic n mix. Surely this is getting massively blown out of proportion?

ohtheshameshameshame · 11/04/2017 11:23

And she apologised!

WankersHacksandThieves · 11/04/2017 11:24

I wouldn't necessarily have mentioned it to the mum but it is stealing. If it's by weight then it's worse but actually, eating from the tub before paying for it, even if you pay by tub, is also stealing - like eating stuff in the supermarket before you've paid for it. Some people think this is okay, I don't.

I also don't get the "it's just a sweet" response. Today it's just a sweet, next week, it might just be a bag of crisps and so it goes on. Stealing is stealing and it's a moral and social lesson that needs to be learned young.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/04/2017 11:24

It was 'naughty' and I'd have told her not to, but I don't think children see it as 'stealing' in the same way they would taking something like a toy/bracelet/pencil from a shop. Especially if their parents don't give a crap if they do it.

I can't see why you'd 'tell' the Mum either, you told the kid not to, she said sorry, why the need to carry on about it? It was a minor thing.
She pinched a sweet fgs.

I disagree with not having her over again, pinching a sweet is not the same as stealing your or your DD's things and it sounds like some time spent with some non shouty adults will do her no harm. It's not HER fault her Mother is a rude gobshite. The child said sorry & wasn't cheeky.

As for the mother...sadly, gobshites like that have kids & there's not much you can do about it, except show the kids it doesn't have to be that way. Ignore the bollocks & carry on as you were.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/04/2017 11:25

But hell would freeze over before my kid went to their house.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/04/2017 11:25

You don't have the authority to tell her child what to do.
You do when she's in your care and your feeding and spending money on her.
Cheeky cow. The mother. Not the child.

WankersHacksandThieves · 11/04/2017 11:25

I would add though that the girl was told off, she apologised, that would have been the end of it as far as I am concerned.

Cartman03 · 11/04/2017 11:27

It was wrong and you were right to haul her up on it but I think I would have left it there and not told the mum. Different if it was an issue of safety that mum needed to know about.

No matter how good a parent we think we are, we all feel a bit defensive if someone says our kid did something bad. If she's already a complete arse then it's not surprising she snapped a bit.

Gotta say, if another parent used the term 'fucking' anything to my face when I was talking to them about our children I would give them a wide berth and I am fairly sweary myself in private.

ohtheshameshameshame · 11/04/2017 11:28

Still very interested though hear exactly what was said to the mother regarding the incident.

Giddyaunt18 · 11/04/2017 11:29

Yes you were right to correct the child. Said child looked sheepish and I would take that to mean she accepted she was wrong. I don't think I would have told the mum tbh. But maybe you did so to set the story straight in case the child said you'd told her off and you didn't want the mum to think badly of you?

0dfod · 11/04/2017 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dadstheworld · 11/04/2017 11:33

I probably wouldn't have said anything to the mum.

But it's interesting how she respond. I certainly wouldn't be in a hurray to add another play date.

bunnylove99 · 11/04/2017 11:33

It was stealing but a very minor misdemeanour and you dealt with it at the time. I don't see why you had to bring it up with the mum at home time as well. Having said that, the other mum's reaction was terrible. I would be steering my daughter towards other friends. I wouldn't want my daughter in the company of families who swear like that!

ohtheshameshameshame · 11/04/2017 11:37

Can't believe how seriously people are taking this! Stealing is of course morally wrong and absolutely should not be encouraged or condoned. Her behaviour was corrected and she apologised.

To put this in a bit of perspective: what would the police do if you reported this 'criminal offence'?

Saracen · 11/04/2017 11:41

You dealt with it well in the shop, and it sounds like your reprimand had the desired effect on the child.

It was a minor thing though, and I don't think you needed to say anything to her mum.

I'd still have the girl over again if I were you. You haven't mentioned any really horrible behaviour on her part, and she can't help how her mum is. Maybe you can have a good influence on her.

As long as you don't relay every little detail to her mum again, you shouldn't have any difficulty over whether you have authority to tell her off. Just calmly carry on as you are. If the girl refuses to do as she's told, or if she complains to her mum about you, THEN stop inviting her. If she enjoys coming to your house, she'll know which side her bread is buttered on and will want to please you.

IsThisStealing123 · 11/04/2017 11:42

To clarify: The cups of sweets were a certain price for a cup, but DD's friend was eating from the trays the sweets were in, not the cups. And cup was all full, so the sweets she ate wouldn't have been able to fit in.
At hometime, I was chatting with friend's mum, and she asked what we had been doing. I said we went shopping, and my DD said that we bought sweets. Both DD's vanished off upstairs at this point. I said that there had been a minor issue with friend thinking it was okay to eat the sweets from the trays, before paying, and she had apologised (she hadn't realised it wasn't allowed)
I was really mentioning this in passing, as I didn't have much to say. I was more cross about the mum's reaction than the actual incident. I guess I could have been a little goady by mentioning it, but I was trying to think of things to say! I did say some good things about her DD as well.

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TheBookIsOnTheTable · 11/04/2017 11:43

OP did say she mentioned it "in passing", tbf.

Unless there was good reason for the girl's mum to go off on one about your authority over her child and needlessly swearing at you, I would be avoiding the family from now on. No chance of any good influences there.

wowfudge · 11/04/2017 11:46

Yes it's stealing. Probably why pic n mix is so expensive - there's a built in margin to cover what gets eaten and not paid for.

WankersHacksandThieves · 11/04/2017 11:47

To put this in a bit of perspective: what would the police do if you reported this 'criminal offence'

Totally irrelevant. Are things only wrong if they are worthy of police prosecution?

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