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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wear my wedding ring

96 replies

MrsXx4 · 03/04/2017 10:48

Posting for traffic mainly although this is an AIBU convo in our household.

So, first world problem, my engagement ring and wedding ring are both white gold diamond sets - the diamonds go the whole way round on the bands. Hubby gets angry that I take my ER off to shower or to go to sleep, I hate wearing jewellery at home and in bed.

I take my ring off if cleaning, if washing my hands etc. We get married next month and he sat me down yesterday and said that when I have my wedding ring he doesn't expect me to treat it like a regular piece of jewellery, its to stay on my finger - always!

I said fine, but not when I shower, he said 'its not to be taken off its a wedding band!' he is very traditional in this way.

My question is, will my ring get ruined by shampoo or soap? white gold can tarnish cant it? so will wearing it in water...and even swimming etc ruin my wedding ring? I love the idea of keeping it on forever more but would hate myself and him if it gets ruined!

OP posts:
AutumnGlitterBall · 03/04/2017 10:52

I always take mine off for showering and bed, and things like gardening or cleaning the car. I don't even wear them to work for fear of breaking them. I have a silver Tiffany ring as my work wedding ring. Husband doesn't mind though he doesn't wear his to work either as he'll probably lose a finger, knowing his luck with the work he does, so maybe that's the difference.

OlennasWimple · 03/04/2017 10:52

White gold doesn't tarnish as such, but is plated with rhodium, which is what gives it the pale shiny finish (a bit like platinum). You can get your ring re-plated every few years, but otherwise it will change colour

I'm not sure, however, that I would want to marry someone who made such a big deal out of me wearing something at all time...

PinkHeart59156816 · 03/04/2017 10:53

I never take either my engagement ring or wedding ring off, worn them for years and no damage has been done to the ring due to me washing my hands/going swimming etc while wearing them.

Guiltypleasures001 · 03/04/2017 10:55

He sat you down and ordered you not to remove your wedding ring? Any other orders he likes to give at all op?

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 03/04/2017 11:00

Well the conversation yesterday came after we had been to pick up our rings and speaking to the lady in the shop I accidently let slip that I left my engagement ring in the bathroom at a hotel after I had taken it off to wash my hands! I totally forgot he was there and that I hadn't told him! Luckily, someone must have been watching over me as I realised halfway through my meal and ran back to find it where I'd taken it off! he was pretty stunned and upset that I'd been so careless! I think that's where the 'order' stemmed from. I see what he is saying and why he now feels nervous about me taking it off all the time.

OP posts:
DanDanDanDanDan · 03/04/2017 11:01

Your fiancé sounds like a controlling arse. Does he think you're gonna be set upon in your own home if you take your ring off? Why should they be worn all the time at home??Confused

xStefx · 03/04/2017 11:02

I take my ER off as its a little bulky, I don't plan on taking my wedding band off (getting married this year) as I dint think it will catch on anything.

Is he making a deal out of it because he is Traditional like you say or is he trying to ne controlling? Just a question as Dp doesn't like it if ive not got mine on and when I asked why he said he keeps panicking that ive lost it lol

DanDanDanDanDan · 03/04/2017 11:02

Oh cross post- still a twat.

WorraLiberty · 03/04/2017 11:04

Ask him if he'd also like you to wear a ball and chain around your ankle.

Perhaps he could piss liberally up your leg before you leave the house, so you're well and truly covered in his scent?

DanDanDanDanDan · 03/04/2017 11:04

I've lost about five of the fuckers, cheap and cheerful. If as a couple you can't afford the possibility of losing them get something you can afford to lose. I never understood the point of wearing thousands of pounds worth of jewellery that you're scared shitless of losing. Sounds awfully stressful

Madwomans · 03/04/2017 11:06

This isn't about jewellery, this is about you being about to marry a pompous, controlling idiot. When I hear 'traditional', I hear 'patriarch-in-training'. Is he more worried about it getting lost, or you possibly not giving off enough 'touch me not, for I am MARRIED' vibes if you took it off? Is he planning to padlock his wedding ring to his own finger?

Jennsdiaries · 03/04/2017 11:06

Me and my man got wedding bracelets instead of ringz cos theyre easier to get on and off and cos theyre a bit more bling lol.

I reckon you could try that

TheProblemOfSusan · 03/04/2017 11:08

I never take my wedding ring off but it's small and plain - my engagement ring and another family one I wear I take off usually when I get home because they are quite sticky-out and I'm afraid of damaging the stones or catching them on something.

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot · 03/04/2017 11:08

I think it is impractical for rings with stones in never to be taken off. If he wanted a 'wear all the time' ring, then a metal-only band is the only realistic option.

I can see why he might be nervous about you losing them if you are in the habit of taking them off in places other than your home.

So either you need a plain wedding ring as well, that you can wear all the time (including when doing mucky stuff) and then the diamonds come out when you want to dress up.

Or he's going to need to come running undo to the idea that you won't be wearing rings all the time.

Or you could keep track of them a little better - I mention this only because you say his concern arises from your scattiness and that is something only you can change. Ideally before any diamonds are lost.

TwatteryFlowers · 03/04/2017 11:09

Hubby gets angry that I take my ER off to shower or to go to sleep
Not his choice though. It's your ring and your finger. What you put on it is entirely up to you. If he's going to be like that I'd be tempted to tell him that I don't want the ring full stop.

I lost my ring - a gold wedding band (but not my actual wedding ring) with white gold footprints all the way around it that dh had paid to have enlarged as I'd put weight on and it no longer fit me. I took it off to to change ds' bum in a public toilet, forgot to put it back on and lost it. Dh was annoyed, as was I, but still doesn't dictate that I never take my jewellery off and if he tried I'd just laugh at him.

I don't wear my wedding ring all the time, only when I'm out of the house and then sometimes I forget to put it on. It just a ring at the end of the day; you don't stop being married just because you're not wearing it.

Freddyfredfred · 03/04/2017 11:09

I take my rings off every night before bed and never wear them in the shower. On the days I do the early evening bath for the kids, the rings come off then and don't get put back on. I also take it off and leave it at home before one of my gym classes. It doesn't make me any less married.

witsender · 03/04/2017 11:09

Mine are platinum and pretty much bomb proof, but i take them off periodically. I'm not wearing my e-ring right now, and am wearing a cheap silver replica of my wedding ring as my fingers have swollen a little in pregnancy.

I'm not sure that DH would notice if I took them off, I'm sure he would after a few days and might make a jokey comment, but unless he was worried i was suddenly going to forget i was married because i wasn't wearing one he wouldn't care. My fingers after all. He has a titanium one, but has to take it off when he sails quite often .

Is he very young?

I'd be upset about the leaving it in the bathroom however.

claritytobeclear · 03/04/2017 11:11

The thing is, you can easily get dermatitis, if wet rings are left on the hand. So it makes sense to take rings of in the shower etc.

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 03/04/2017 11:12

...ok.....I knew what I was in for by posting here....I kind of just wanted to know if my rings would get damaged lol!

I do like the idea of wearing my ring always and never taking it off, my grandparents never took theirs off, for anything. If mine was a plain gold band then I wouldn't have come on here to ask as I would have just had it on my finger for ever - but because of it being white gold I worry it'll tarnish and look bad in a few years time when it is meant to last me my entire married life (which I hope will be very long)

xx

OP posts:
claritytobeclear · 03/04/2017 11:13

Along with this, soap build up makes them look ver dull and is not good for your skin either.

amusedbush · 03/04/2017 11:14

I take my rings off when I shower and when I go to the gym. Your fiance sounds like a bit of a dick, to be honest.

chibsortig · 03/04/2017 11:14

Ive been married 5 years and no longer wear my engagement ring or wedding ring. Its not a big deal. I took mine off when pregnant and my fingers swelled and never got round to wearing them regularly again.
I feel some days that i should and then forget to put them on. i dont wear any other jewellery either though.
I understand why he doesnt want you to take it off however to say it must never be removed is a bit much.

ProseccoBitch · 03/04/2017 11:15

I'd be more worried about the fact that you're thinking of marrying someone so controlling.

Lapinlapin · 03/04/2017 11:16

What? Sounds a bit controlling for him to tell you what you should and shouldn't do.

Like you I take my rings off at night, for a shower etc. I love my rings, but I couldn't wear them 24/7, it would drive me mad.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 03/04/2017 11:16

OMG! I certainly wouldn't be marrying any man who felt it was okay to sit me down and demand I do or don't do a particular thing Shock. Really?
I don't wear jewellery overnight or in the shower. I don't even wear my wedding ring most of the time because DH has given me so many beautiful rings that I swap them around and wear different ones ( I have a bit of a jewellery habit!)
Funnily enough, my DH doesn't care and wouldn't comment because he's not a control freak.
Is your DH often so controlling? He can't insist you wear something all of the time - regardless of what it is. He didn't buy you, he doesn't own you.
I think it's a bit weird and worrying.

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