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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not wear my wedding ring

96 replies

MrsXx4 · 03/04/2017 10:48

Posting for traffic mainly although this is an AIBU convo in our household.

So, first world problem, my engagement ring and wedding ring are both white gold diamond sets - the diamonds go the whole way round on the bands. Hubby gets angry that I take my ER off to shower or to go to sleep, I hate wearing jewellery at home and in bed.

I take my ring off if cleaning, if washing my hands etc. We get married next month and he sat me down yesterday and said that when I have my wedding ring he doesn't expect me to treat it like a regular piece of jewellery, its to stay on my finger - always!

I said fine, but not when I shower, he said 'its not to be taken off its a wedding band!' he is very traditional in this way.

My question is, will my ring get ruined by shampoo or soap? white gold can tarnish cant it? so will wearing it in water...and even swimming etc ruin my wedding ring? I love the idea of keeping it on forever more but would hate myself and him if it gets ruined!

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 03/04/2017 12:08

Thank you VladmirsPoutine I did know what I was in for...posting here I asked for it though didn't I!! hahaha!

Thanks Stripeymug that's what I wanted to know. xx

OP posts:

remoaniac · 03/04/2017 12:10

I take my rings off all the time - to shower, to go swimming, even to go running.

I did lose my wedding ring within 6 months of getting married though - because I took it off for a manicure and it fell out of my bag because I forgot to put it back on before I went home and the pocket it was in wasn't zipped up properly.

But DH lost his in the garden (found it again two years later) so even wearing it all the time is no guarantee you won't lose it.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 03/04/2017 12:17

My engagement ring is 8 years old this year, the only time it's left my finger was on our wedding day & it's only just starting to tarnish slightly (it's not noticable to anyone but me). I'll probably get it replated later this year or next year. That being said it's your ring & they're your fingers so if you prefer to take them off when you clean etc just do it.

yumscrumfatbum · 03/04/2017 12:18

I take mine off when I do housework, gardening, go to bed at night, sometimes before if they are annoying me. Earlier this year I lost the central ruby from my engagement ring. I'd had the ring for over 20 years. I had a few quotes to have it repaired. Turned out the whole setting was worn and the cost to repair it was huge. It was actually cheaper for me to buy a new ring. I ended up selling it for scrap and replacing it. It felt bit strange but in talking to friends and family hardly any of them wore their original ER.

TeenAndTween · 03/04/2017 12:19

I don't wear my engagement ring except for something smart.

I never take my wedding ring off (actually it's stuck there these days). It is white gold with gold gold edging. 20 years old, and as good as new. I swim regularly, wear it washing up and cleaning, no problems.

Kalizara · 03/04/2017 12:20

No idea about keeping them in good condition because I have a cheap wedding ring and I take it off for showering, sleeping, cleaning and everything.

I know you say your partner isn't controlling, but it is controlling behaviour to get angry about you taking rings off. It is controlling to sit you down and tell you that he wants you to wear your rings at all times.

It's perfectly sensible and reasonable to take jewellery off to protect it, or even just because you choose to.

I don't really like wearing jewellery so only wear as an accessory which comes off at home, as would coat and shoes.

Justanothernameonthepage · 03/04/2017 12:24

I don't take mine off - mainly as I get distracted easily so know there's a high chance I'll lose them. Am pregnant atm, so wearing a cheapy ring i wont mind being cut off instead as my finger feels weird without it. But DH has a bit more respect for me than to tell me what I should do with it. (Although we did have a talk before getting married as he didn't want to wear one and I said that it's his choice- but if he didn't wear one, I wouldn't feel I had to wear one either.)

goingmadinthecountry · 03/04/2017 12:26

My jewellery all gets taken off the minute I come in the house! Don't always wear my wedding ring out/to work etc. Sometimes wear a different ring on that finger - if it matches my outfit better for eg. Sometimes don't wear a ring on that finger. Been married 29 years next week and have never sought dh's opinion on the matter.

I'd never use harsh products wearing any of my rings.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 03/04/2017 12:29

My wedding ring is white gold and I am old enough to have a patterned one. I've had it made narrower and have once lost and found it whilst sweeping leaves.

I've had it for years and although the pattern is wearing away, it has never been replayed, nor does it look like it needs it.

kel1493 · 03/04/2017 12:32

I never take off my wedding eternity and engagement rings.
I also wear other rings, several chains, several earrings and a couple of bracelets. I never take any of my jewellery off.
It's all yellow gold so doesn't damage easily.
I don't have any issues sleeping with it on or anything.

Justanothernameonthepage · 03/04/2017 12:35

Forgot to say, my ring has serious insurance on it so that if I did lose it, we could get another one. Perhaps that would reassure him?

SecretNetter · 03/04/2017 12:37

All white gold will tarnish in time...and posters saying their 20 year old white gold rings look 'new' are frankly fibbing or mistaken.

There's no such thing as 'white' gold. Gold is gold coloured and white gold jewellery is normal gold, plated with (something...I can't remember...rhodium maybe?) to make it look silver.

I have a platinum engagement ring and a white gold wedding ring. On it's own, my wedding ring looks lovely. Next to the platinum it's obvious that it's lost its colour and is nowhere near as bright as the platinum (I've had it 3 years). You need to get white gold rings re-plated (in whatever stuff I can't remember the name of!) regularly to keep them their 'designed to be' silver colour.

CoraPirbright · 03/04/2017 12:42

My (plain, gold, flat) wedding band never leaves my finger because....well, its just that I have never really considered removing it! (Apart from when I swelled up like a balloon in pregnancy!)

My engagement ring, however, has to be taken off a lot as the stone is v fragile. Btw, I have a top tip regarding taking it off to wash your hands - don't leave it on the side of the sink (not a chance in hell I would remember it!) but clamp it between your teeth. Looks really weird but - who cares? Better than accidentally leave it behind!

He does sound controlling btw.

SecretNetter · 03/04/2017 12:43

I you want a ring that will never tarnish or damage you really need to go for platinum. My ER is 8 years old, has never left my finger through gardening, swimming, washing up...and looks the same as the day it was bought. My one wedding regret is that we didn't pay the extra to get platinum for my WR as well tbh, it was only a couple of hundred different and in the long run would have been cheaper as it doesn't need maintenance.

MrsELM21 · 03/04/2017 12:51

Sounds a bit weird OP that you're not 'allowed' to take it off...

Anyway, I have a platinum engagement ring and a white gold wedding ring, leave both on 100% of the time as my fingers have got too fat to be able to take them off been married for 7 years and they are both absolutely fine!

TeenAndTween · 03/04/2017 12:56

OK, maybe the white gold band part of my wedding ring isn't as good as new, but it still looks very nice and silver coloured, nothing wrong with it as far as I am concerned.

MargaretCavendish · 03/04/2017 12:58

Both my engagement ring and wedding ring are platinum, and looking at them now they look fine, but they're not 'like new' - they've both got lots of tiny little scratches that dull the shine a bit. I'm not fussed, but I imagine if you were the sort of person who could be bothered to get a white gold ring replated you'd also find that a platinum ring would need polishing by the jeweller every few years to keep it sparkling.

tovelitime · 03/04/2017 13:03

I never wear my rings at home. I don't sleep in them, wear them in the shower, nothing. I'm still married and I seriously doubt my husband notices or cares. Your fiancé has some weird controlling ideas

LightDrizzle · 03/04/2017 13:23

Is it too late to swap your diamond band for a plain band, or designate the diamond band an eternity ring and buy a plain white gold or platinum band?
You are likely to lose diamonds with ordinary wear and tear and while they are not that expensive to replace, it is a bore and depending where you bought them, you will be without your ring for perhaps a fortnight or more every time. You can buy a white gold plain band very cheaply and a platinum band for not too much, mine was from a scary pricey Bond Street jewellers and still not that much, you will find excellent quality at much better prices on Blue Nile. A white gold ring will need rhodium plating every so often.
I love my plain platinum band and wear it 24/7, I occasionally remove it to clean and polish it but it goes straight back on. I have a full diamond eternity and I wear it much less than I anticipated because although I'm no clean freak, it just feels manky prepping food and other tasks wearing a ring with prongs and crevices for particles to hide in and fester.
Your husband is right that rings are almost always lost when you take them off and forget, the safest place is always on your finger. I have a ring tree by the kitchen and bathroom sink and that is the only place my engagement ring goes other than my finger, I never remove it outside the house, even on the beach. I have a relatively bombproof solitaire on a plain band, but better to lose a small pave diamond from your diamond band than lose the whole ring.
Finally, make sure it is insured for accidental damage and loss and that it is covered for replacement value. You can usually do this under your household policy but you must ring and notify them, they may raise your premium a little. Tesco wouldn't insure mine and actually gave us a week's notice to find another house and contents insurer! However we got cover with Endesleigh. Check the policy, mine requires me to have my engagement ring checked annually and valued every two years, which the jeweller does for free and gives it and our wedding bands a free polish at the same time.
Keep copies of valuations and any grading certificates you have, to protect you in a replacement scenario. A GIA triple excellent, D colour VS1 diamond could easily be worth and cost 10 x the amount of an ungraded poor spec diamond if the same carat weight and you have to prove what you had.

OnTheUp13 · 03/04/2017 13:41

I said fine, but not when I shower, he said 'its not to be taken off its a wedding band!' he is very traditional in this way.

Very traditional? You mean he's a very traditional prick?

WizardOfToss · 03/04/2017 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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