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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is teacher?

78 replies

herdiegirl · 30/03/2017 16:57

Ds2 is in year 4. His teacher set a reading challenge and all kids that achieved 30 or more could do den building tomorrow afternoon. The rest will stay in the classroom and do work.
My ds is a good reader and doesn't need much encouragement to read, it was even mentioned by his teacher at a recent parents evening that he's a good reader. Life gets busy and I have ds1 with asd so I sometimes forget to put the entry in his reading record. Earlier this week he had 29 entries in his book, I completed the reading record to show he had done the required 30 entries, but the teacher said he didn't had the book in, in time, so wouldn't get to do the activity tomorrow.

Ds2 came out of school looking close tears and told me what happened.

Tried to quickly talk to his teacher after school, but she couldn't get away fast enough stating she had a meeting to go to, but seemed like she had made her mind up, saying his book wasn't handed in, in time, and that there needed to be a cut off!
Just feel annoyed that he's missing out over something so trivial.

OP posts:
HighwayDragon1 · 30/03/2017 17:02

It's not trivial, a line has to be drawn somewhere if he's not handed it in on time then he's missed the deadline.

Sirzy · 30/03/2017 17:03

30 reads since when?

Presumably you and him where both aware when it had to be done by?

Supermagicsmile · 30/03/2017 17:04

I think the teacher is unreasonable.

Lilly948204 · 30/03/2017 17:05

It is difficult, I'm a secondary teacher so very different circumstances but generally you do sort of need to stick to what you say and be consistent with everyone. However as this was an oversight on your part, rather than your child not doing what was needed for the reward I probably would have allowed him to join in.

I only have one night after school where I don't have to rush off to some meeting, training or intervention event so I think she probably was just very busy at that point and maybe didn't think about it logically. If I was you I'd ask her about it again tomorrow morning when she might have time to think about it a bit more sensibly.

Llanali · 30/03/2017 17:05

I don't know; I agree there does have to be a cut off somewhere :(

Graphista · 30/03/2017 17:07

Yabu

EVERYONE is busy in some way, lots of parents have busy jobs, caring responsibilities, chronic illness of their own to cope with, disability etc

The terms were clear you missed out. Not fair on those who DID meet the terms - who may well also have other life challenges similar to yours - to have their achievements diluted.

Original poster
herdiegirl · 30/03/2017 17:14

I can't remember for definite when it started. In my head, the deadline was the end of term, but was brought forward to Wednesday. My issue I suppose is that it's more to do with how often a parent updates the reading record and not how much he actually reads.
I find it can sometimes get overlooked with so much going on. Also, he's year 4, not older.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/03/2017 17:18

But updating the reading record takes seconds and is the only way the teacher can keep track of how often they read at home.

Allthebestnamesareused · 30/03/2017 17:20

But there was a deadline and your son could have reminded you too especially as presumably he and his friends knew about it.

When he takes an exam and misses a grade by one mark will you be wanting the extra mark because you didn't test him on that subject because you waylaid doing something else?

Follow the guidelines - reap the rewards.

Its like the thread where someone claimed that as they were only 5 minutes late they weren't late! Yes they were late and yes you missed the deadline and therefore don't get the treat.

Graphista · 30/03/2017 17:21

But all the other parents will have had the same information on deadline and same expectation on updating reading record. No more has been expected of you and your dc than of others really.

witsender · 30/03/2017 17:26

Sadly this is your fault, not the teacher's.

NewPuppyMum · 30/03/2017 17:36

The out of order bit is the teacher scurrying away. If she's so sure she's been fair then back it up.

grannytomine · 30/03/2017 17:38

I think the teacher is, he has done what he needed to do and should get the reward. If it was me I wouldn't send him in tomorrow but I hate this sort of thing. He is a kid, it wasn't some legal deadline, you explained it was your fault.

Kiroro · 30/03/2017 17:39

Meh, tell DS that life isn;t fair and you'll make it up to him and take him to the park to do den building and buy him an icecream

Trifleorbust · 30/03/2017 17:40

Unfortunately, you have to explain to your DS that your mistake is what has affected him here, not the teacher's.

m0therofdragons · 30/03/2017 17:42

But you've said he had the number he needed so surely that part is irrelevant. He should have handed it in - the teacher can't be chasing 30 kids and if she has to then why should they get a treat? Harsh lesson and I say this as a parent of a dd in year 4 who forgets everything all the time.
Teacher rushing to after school meeting? Well yes that's not exactly unusual. Yesterday all our staff had an emergency safeguarding meeting that everyone had to attend so kids came out and teachers rushed to the staff room.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 30/03/2017 17:43

Unfortunate, but nothing to do with the school or the teacher.
Apologise to your son.
I don't agree with the idea that kids whose parents sign the thing get rewarded on principle, but if that's the rule..

MiddleClassProblem · 30/03/2017 17:49

Just to check, he read 30 books but you didn't sign it off correctly so he can't do the activity?

If so then it's you that made the mistake so I wouldn't blame the teacher. I would maybe do a treat for him for completing it.

SomethingBorrowed · 30/03/2017 17:54

YABU OP, sorry

PotteringAlong · 30/03/2017 17:54

The challenge said you needed to read 30, and have records for 30.

He had 29.

How is this the teacher's fault?

MaroonPencil · 30/03/2017 17:54

My DS is in year 4. He has responsibility for filling in his own reading journal. I look at it sometimes but I would hold him entirely responsible for not filling it in.

arlene123 · 30/03/2017 17:54

Presumably this was something which would have been regularly discussed in class, it is something you both had prior knowledge of (including the deadline) and your DC would be aware that the book had to be handed in by then. It is not unreasonable for the teacher to draw a line and set an example, for the children to learn they are responsible for dealing with these things themselves. Maybe you need to have a discussion with your child about how you fully understand their disappointment but in future they need to take responsibility and follow the guidelines and complete the task by the deadline given.

Original poster
herdiegirl · 30/03/2017 17:57

To clarify, ds2 will have read more than 30 times, but some entries have been missed by me by forgetting. There were enough entries put in to qualify, but he didn't hand the book in, on time. So both partly to blame as it should not have been so close to the deadline. Hope that makes sense.

Guess I'm not a fan of rewarding in this way. I will make it up to him in the holidays. He's a good kid, if a little scatty at times!

OP posts:
CMamaof4 · 30/03/2017 17:59

I couldn't do that to a kid if I was a teacher, It was your mistake not your child's.k

gluteustothemaximus · 30/03/2017 18:08

Herdie, I am also not a fan of rewarding in this way either.

Sorry your DS has missed out. I would be up for doing your own den building and reward for his brilliant reading.

If it were me, I would have had an overall target for the class to reach together, and everyone has the den day once everyone reads enough.

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