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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is teacher?

78 replies

herdiegirl · 30/03/2017 16:57

Ds2 is in year 4. His teacher set a reading challenge and all kids that achieved 30 or more could do den building tomorrow afternoon. The rest will stay in the classroom and do work.
My ds is a good reader and doesn't need much encouragement to read, it was even mentioned by his teacher at a recent parents evening that he's a good reader. Life gets busy and I have ds1 with asd so I sometimes forget to put the entry in his reading record. Earlier this week he had 29 entries in his book, I completed the reading record to show he had done the required 30 entries, but the teacher said he didn't had the book in, in time, so wouldn't get to do the activity tomorrow.

Ds2 came out of school looking close tears and told me what happened.

Tried to quickly talk to his teacher after school, but she couldn't get away fast enough stating she had a meeting to go to, but seemed like she had made her mind up, saying his book wasn't handed in, in time, and that there needed to be a cut off!
Just feel annoyed that he's missing out over something so trivial.

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 30/03/2017 21:34

As adults we all know that sometimes life isn't fair, horrible things happen to good people.
So use this as an opportunity for your son to learn how to deal with disappointment and develop some emotional resilience. It will stand him in good stead in the future. That way when something truely awful happens he will have some reserved to deal with it.

sarkyone · 30/03/2017 22:11

It's a difficult one.
I am a teacher and a mum to a year 3 boy. I've always been annoyed when he has missed out on rewards (especially as he always gets wonderful reports, has great behaviour, is hardworking etc). However there has to be a cut off point somewhere.

As to the idea of setting a class target and having a reward then - well I don't think that would work at all. I have in my class a kid who reads a whole book every night and one who hasn't read at home since September. Nothing I can do can get his parents to read with him. I can do all I can in school with volunteers, teaching assistants and my lunch break but at the end of the day, the final responsibility has to be with the parents.

And to be honest most parents would probably sign it to say they've read even when the kid hasn't.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 30/03/2017 22:14

Ridiculous to be so rigidly black and white about it. Presumably the challenge was set to encourage children whoseparents can't normally be bothered. To have come so close, and before the activity, but be excluded is unfair. In fact it is exclusion. How is this encouraging a love of reading and learning?

HumphreyCobblers · 30/03/2017 22:20

I am a teacher. I would never use this kind of motivational tool because it would be unfair to those kids whose parents simply don't bother to read with them. Double whammy punishment for those poor kids.

Also situations like the OP's would cause issues...I bet the teacher is regretting ever saying it.

It is just a shit storm waiting to happen.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 30/03/2017 22:30

Agree with Humphrey and wouldn't do it either for the same reasons.

I wonder how many parents asking for an exception to be made for their upset child the teacher has had to deal with over this?

OwlOfBrown · 30/03/2017 22:34

This is a crap reward for children because it simply rewards them for something their parents have done. Those children whose parents either don't care or have dropped the ball get penalised.

AtHomeDadGlos · 30/03/2017 23:14

I'd let him off it he handed it in on the day (ie before hometime, I'm a KS2 teacher) but then I'd have reminded the class in the morning.

If he'd handed it in a day late then that would be unfair to other children, without a good reason/excuse etc.

I don't actually think it's a particularly good way to encourage reading though, as it should be something that all (or at least most) children do for enjoyment in itself.

incywincybitofa · 30/03/2017 23:22

I do think this is a scheme that rewards parents prestige over children's efforts, and is open to shifting sands of what is achieved depending on the parent.
Yes probably most of the children will have done the required work for the reward and they probably would have anyway without the incentive, but there will be the parents who can't/don't monitor reading, and the children who can't manage it
My experience as a parent who has used the state and independent sector in this age group is that children tend to do the best they can at school with the circumstances that they have-and that is why I hate these things because ultimately it is aimed at the parents participating not the children, so children like your son suffer because of their parents (no offence) not because of their efforts.

Lingotria · 30/03/2017 23:30

I appreciate you have a lot on but so do the rest of us raising kids. Take this as a lesson to become more aware of the little stuff with your ds now - you need to ensure you give time to both kids, not just the one who asd.

Just to give you an idea I work a 12-14 hour day, care for a neice with behavioural issues, and will update my dsd's and neice's reading or maths records after midnight sometimes before I iron their school clothes and prepare their brekkies and/or lunches. You have to make time for the good stuff right?

Brollsdolls · 30/03/2017 23:38

I am a teacher and also think this is unfair.
You did complete the reading record and the teacher could see your ds read more than 30 times. For that reason, I think he deserves to take part.

BackforGood · 30/03/2017 23:49

Regardless of if it is a good thing to do or not, in terms of incentivising anyone to read, if he was that keen to do the den building, then your ds (who must be 8 or 9) should have been keeping a count / checking he had enough "reads" recorded, so he was definitely going to get the 'reward'.
The teacher INBU to stick to the rules of the challenge.
Nor is she being unreasonable to aim to get to her next meeting on time.

GraceGrape · 30/03/2017 23:54

I'm a primary teacher and there is no way I would stop a child participating in those circumstances. I don't think it should have been used as a reward for reading anyway. In my class, we expect a certain amount of reading to be done, but if it isn't then the children spend part of one lunchtime inside doing reading (upper KS2) to ensure they are at least doing some reading during the week. The punishment should be linked to the crime, so-to-speak. The only way I would stop a child participating in den-building would be if I felt they wouldn't be able to participate safely.

BlackeyedSusan · 31/03/2017 00:27

something even less of a reward, a misunderstanding really, meant my son had a complete utter huff and refused to read for the rest of the academic year. he is autistic.

BlackeyedSusan · 31/03/2017 00:30

I would have had a queue of children reading at break/lunch if they needed the extra reads (and wanted to) because I do not think children should be punished for parents' laziness/business/ need to work to make ends almost meet/just had a new baby/ill/disability/etc, etc, etc, etc

IvorHughJarrs · 31/03/2017 00:31

Trouble is that, if she had allowed him to take part, you can guarantee at least one classmate will go home saying "Littleherdie didn't do it but his mum complained and now he can" which will make other mothers complain too and teacher's life is instantly more miserable than ever.

Your son needs to learn from this and so do you.

steff13 · 31/03/2017 02:01

Missing the point of the thread here, but what is "den building?"

Occadodo · 31/03/2017 03:02

I have severely disabled DS and DS with ADHD and ASD.
DD is y1 and her teacher knows how much she reads and that we read to her!!! We never fill in her reading record as we are shit!
It does take a couple of seconds but by time you've found a pen etc....
teacher never punished DD.

zzzzz · 31/03/2017 03:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpareASquare · 31/03/2017 03:39

Lessons have been learned here, but I still don't think that this way is a reliable way to ensure reading. A parent could easily lie about how much their child actually reads on a reading record to get the treat

True, but they'd still have to get it in on time which seems to be the real issue, yeah?
Personally, I wouldn't sweat it and I doubt my kid would either. As you said, lesson learnt

harderandharder2breathe · 31/03/2017 06:32

I've never met a parent who wasn't busy

The rules were clear. You didn't sign it all in time for the deadline. Your mistake, not the schools.

LimeFizz · 31/03/2017 06:37

I get why you feel bad, but I think teacher is being harsh, unless it's an off site activity, which may have needed sorting earlier

If he was in my class I'd let him do it.

ForalltheSaints · 31/03/2017 06:53

I'd be with the teacher providing it was consistent for all children.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 31/03/2017 07:01

A hard lesson, but parents also have to learn that their child might be the centre of their world but the universe doesn't orbit round them.

It's a parental fail, not the teacher being hard.

An overlooked thing. Popping up at the gates expecting a quick 5 mins , which in reality turns into 10 or 20, just imagine if the whole class parents decided to do that. Make an appointment next time. School doesn't end at 3pm for teachers. They have a multitude of other things to keep them going. That 'quick 5 mins' has a massive impact.

Trifleorbust · 31/03/2017 09:02

School doesn't end at 3pm for teachers. They have a multitude of other things to keep them going. That 'quick 5 mins' has a massive impact.

It's frequently the difference between me being able to go to the toilet between speaking to my last student and starting my next meeting/planning! I'm not risking that for someone who can't be bothered to make an appointment Halo

Mysterycat23 · 31/03/2017 09:06

This doesn't seem so much a reward for reading as it looks like a punishment for parents not filling in a log book Hmm

Not all parents are engaged and it is unfair to penalise the child surely.