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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu or is teacher?

78 replies

herdiegirl · 30/03/2017 16:57

Ds2 is in year 4. His teacher set a reading challenge and all kids that achieved 30 or more could do den building tomorrow afternoon. The rest will stay in the classroom and do work.
My ds is a good reader and doesn't need much encouragement to read, it was even mentioned by his teacher at a recent parents evening that he's a good reader. Life gets busy and I have ds1 with asd so I sometimes forget to put the entry in his reading record. Earlier this week he had 29 entries in his book, I completed the reading record to show he had done the required 30 entries, but the teacher said he didn't had the book in, in time, so wouldn't get to do the activity tomorrow.

Ds2 came out of school looking close tears and told me what happened.

Tried to quickly talk to his teacher after school, but she couldn't get away fast enough stating she had a meeting to go to, but seemed like she had made her mind up, saying his book wasn't handed in, in time, and that there needed to be a cut off!
Just feel annoyed that he's missing out over something so trivial.

OP posts:

Graphista · 30/03/2017 18:11

"If it were me, I would have had an overall target for the class to reach together, and everyone has the den day once everyone reads enough."

Awful idea - if one or 2 kids were the reason the class DIDN'T achieve the target they'd be in for a shit time!

Rewards and consequences are a normal part of life, they're part of how we learn to operate within a society, not everyone can or wants to make the same achievements.

waterrat · 30/03/2017 18:18

This thread upsets me. Children of this age should get to build dens because it's important to let kids be kids. It's shit and completely stupid to punish them by denying them normal healthy kid acticities.

God I hate our education system

And all the awful smug comments on here ...peopke who just blindly follow rules and are happy to see a young child miserable because he didn't precisely achieve something.

allowlsthinkalot · 30/03/2017 18:53

I think YANBU. Surely the aim is to encourage children to read. She is now giving him a negative experience where there could have been a positive one.

witsender · 30/03/2017 18:57

Far from it Waterrat, we home ed to avoid the shit storm altogether.

However if you go to school you follow their rules. The teacher cannot be seen to say, "ah i know little Jimmy is always reading so I'll bend the rules", what message is that giving the kids who pushed themselves to get to the target?

Jayfee · 30/03/2017 19:00

perhaps give him a little surprise gift when he comes out from school.

llangennith · 30/03/2017 19:04

Your "good kid if a little scatty at times" probably takes after you.

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/03/2017 19:08

YABU. Otherwise every other parent whose child hadn't achieved the required number could have just written 30 occasions in and handed it after the deadline, job done.

Unfortunately you or whoever your son read to (dh/oh, grandparents, friends etc) did not take the minute or less to write in the reading record by the deadline. Which was there not to punish anyone but to ensure everyone was treated fairly.

Yes, it sucks that your otherwise exemplary reader has missed out this time. But actually, this wouldn't have been aimed at kids like yours who read for fun, rather it would have been to encourage those who spend less time with their books. And next time you will do what every other parent does and just says the child has done it so they aren't the one who misses out.

Lewwat · 30/03/2017 19:09

Why would you not just write in the book? It takes seconds!

ittakes2 · 30/03/2017 19:10

My daughter reads every day of her life. often for two hours at night. I've filled in her reading record on time for 5 years...EXCEPT the last week of the last term (think I was sick). Daughter comes home in tears - everyone with their complete reading record for a full term were given chocolates and she missed out.

Of course I felt awful and offered to buy her chocolates - it wasn't the same but better than nothing - maybe you could offer to help your son build a den.
The reality though, is life can be black and white and thats a lesson for your son. If there are rules you need to adhere to than you need to achieve them to get what you want.

Maryhadalittlelambstew · 30/03/2017 19:10

I think the teacher was unreasonable. He has done the required amount of reading and shouldn't be punished for (and I mean this in the kindest, gentlest possible way, I have a DS with ADHD and sometimes forget things) you forgetting to write the entries in his reading diary. If I were you I would go into the school tomorrow and ask to speak to the head. I find with my children if they miss out on things because of my absent mindedness, particularly academic based reward tasks, they become discouraged and don't even bother trying in the future.

Lifeisgreat2 · 30/03/2017 19:15

The reading diary is his responsibility. He needs to complete it and bring it to you to sign it. This is a good lesson on how to become responsible and accept consequences.

Trifleorbust · 30/03/2017 19:32

allowlsthinkalot:

The problem with this is that there are plenty of children who are a bit meh about reading and they NEED an incentive to do it. If you give that incentive to them regardless of whether they do it or not, they won't do it. And I know the OP's son did do it, but it isn't fair to treat him as if he did when there will be other students who didn't come up with the goods either, who will not be going den building.

waterrat · 30/03/2017 20:06

Witsender I don't follow that argument.

I don't give up any opinion about what is fair and just by sending my child to school. It's part of a democratic system that parents can raise concerns!

Just a kid..and being punsijef for having read 29 books not 30. What a shit system

Joey7t8 · 30/03/2017 20:12

It's harsh but a good lesson for him about deadlines.

Original poster

herdiegirl · 30/03/2017 20:20

Thanks for your replies. Ds is currently happily reading upstairs as I type, incentive or no incentive from the school and I think that, that is more important.
Lessons have been learned here, but I still don't think that this way is a reliable way to ensure reading. A parent could easily lie about how much their child actually reads on a reading record to get the treat.

OP posts:

Joey7t8 · 30/03/2017 20:23

You're right that a parent could lie, but what's in it for them? Surely no sane adult would would lie to discourage their child learning!

echt · 30/03/2017 20:25

A parent could easily lie about how much their child actually reads on a reading record to get the treat

Yes, they could, that's why the treat system in this kind of schoolwork is inherently unfair. In a better world, there would be no need for extrinsic rewards, but the teacher was trying here.

Joey7t8 · 30/03/2017 20:30

Seriously, if any child has a parent that cares so little about their education that they'd lie to save them doing some home work to get a reward, then let the kid have the treat, coz chances are that much of that kid's home life will be shitty.

LynetteScavo · 30/03/2017 20:38

It's unfair on the kids with crap parents who never bother to hear their child read or forget to record

If it was really important to you you would have remembered. My DD isn't the most academic, which is why I would make damn sure she's in with a chance of achieving when ever she possible can, and this would be one of those times when I, as a parent, could make sure she wasn't left behind.

The teacher probably did have a meeting to go to. What will the kids who don't get to do the fun activity do? I think it's poorly thought out.

robinia · 30/03/2017 20:42

If den building is tomorrow then he had his 30 books done in time .....

moobeana · 30/03/2017 20:44

As much as it is difficult to watch this, your child has learnt a lesson today. He didn't hand his book in on time, therefore he lost out. I cannot say how important it is that children start to become self motivated (which your child already sounds to be) and self organising at this age. It makes a massive difference to them when they reach secondary. I know he has a while yet, but it has to start sometime.

I do agree it is not necessarily a brilliant way to promote reading, but you are in the fortunate position to have a reader (well done for supporting that, they learn it from parents more often than not!).

KneeQuestion · 30/03/2017 20:49

YANBU

Stuff like this is really petty.

Trifleorbust · 30/03/2017 20:56

There is no reliable way. It is great that your DS loves reading. For those kids who don't have books, supportive parents, motivation, ability...they may need this. Let them have it and take your son den building yourself.

gluteustothemaximus · 30/03/2017 21:22

"If it were me, I would have had an overall target for the class to reach together, and everyone has the den day once everyone reads enough."

Awful idea - if one or 2 kids were the reason the class DIDN'T achieve the target they'd be in for a shit time!

Why would they be in for a shit time?

The idea is similar to some sports days, where they work together as a team for the overall achievement, rather than individual achievement, that's all. Therefore even the kids that come last (trying their best), still get points for their team.

I don't know the EXACT in and outs of my idea, but I just think an overall team effort is better. And one or 2 kids would not be responsible for the 'failure' of the whole class, as you'd make the target achievable.

The idea is to encourage reading after all, not to create exclusions.

cheminotte · 30/03/2017 21:29

Yanbu, its not fair that ds misses out for your oversight. Other kids may miss out because their parents don't think reading is important. Den building should not be for only some kids anyway.

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