To slip into a deep depression?

[sadzak]

On mat leave 8mo DS, plus 13yo DS DH works away at least one night a week. He has left this morning due back tomorrow night then will be away again Thursday morning until Friday night

Yes I know lots of other people have it much worse than that, yes I knew all this before we married/ had DS2 etc but every time he leaves and I know he isn't coming back that day I just slip into despair and depression that I will be on my own all night with the baby.

Oh op what exactly is it you're dreading about the night ahead? Is the baby a bad sleeper? Are you a bad sleeper when alone? Is it just that you're alone with all the responsibility as it were? X

Yes he is a bad sleeper, I think it is just being alone with all the responsibility I forgot how hard babies are (was 20yo when had DS1 and staying up all night was easy )

Just clock watching until he comes home, sounds pathetic I know 😭

A few times I've rang him crying telling him to come home (never has, don't blame him, I'm bonkers)

I get that. Although I'm 21 and i can't hack staying up all night though thankfully Ds is usually quite good now.

Does dh usually do some of the getting up?

I think all you can do is take it one night at a time. I get it though i don't really like being alone of a night with the baby.

Do you mean proper depression that needs addressing professionally or being a bit fed up?

Yes he is very hands on and does heaps and heaps with the baby and DS1 and around the house.

Somewhere between the two dependant on which way the wind is blowing 🙄

I felt like this when I had postnatal depression- the thought of being alone with the baby was overwhelming. Have you got someone who could come stay with you?

Sometimes my parents come but they went on holiday this morning. I don't know if I've got PND but yes I do feel overwhelmed when I know it's just ME.

When my oh is away I get myself a treat, something to look forward to. Like my favourite food that I don't have to share, or a film I know he won't want to watch. Then it feels like it's some me time rather than time on my own.

When he's away I usually lie on the couch until 1pm in my PJs feeling sorry for myself then panic that I haven't done anything productive so today I am going to get up and go out and force myself to get over it!!!

Presumably your ds plays with his brother in the evenings?

Yes for short periods of time i.e. any threat of a cry or a moan from the baby and he's off.

I was like this when I had PND. I still am I tiny bit like this but I arrange myself nice treats for when DP isn't here like a nice, bottle of beer, delicious meal just for me, cake etc. I've gained weight

Scooby 😂 I'm doing the Atkins atm so a treat for me would be MEAT MEAT AND MORE MEAT aha

How do u know if you've got PND? What can be done anyway? My moods are up and down.

Sadzak... I get it

My husband often works away and it is soul destroying when you are stuck in the house with the children. You know full well they are getting up to a hotel breakfast going to work going out for meals and socialising (speaking to other human beings-albeit work colleagues) Then they are going to come home, boast to everyone that they have been working really, hard... so hard they have needed to travel and be away.
Then you get to listen to everyone congratulate you on having such a hard working husband.
It is irritating, you've been the one slogging away playing referee, driving the kids here there and everywhere, making lunches, trying to get glitter glue out of the carpet etc.

(Oops did that sound bitter)

It is life unfortunately. I like the idea someone said above about getting yourself something special for dinner. I usually end up with kids left overs as I din't bother with myself when he is away..

Poor us!!! 😭

I also can't help but be slightly pissed if with envious of DHs nice chilled care free baby free time it's like a mini holiday. I am 100% sure it is none of those things but yeah whatever.

He doesn't gloat or come home expecting a cooked dinner or housework done, in fact he said he doesn't like going. Hates hotels and being on the road. Ahhh the grass is always greener I suppose......

I get it OP. I go through funny stages like this.

But remember that, especially with all things kids related, nothing lasts long. Ride this stage out.The days are getting warmer and longer too so that will be more cheerful than all the gloomy grey we've had.

Deep depression? Really

Deep depression is when you've (me) spent £25,000 on IVF over 3.5 years trying to have a baby but had multiples losses and failures, including a premature labour, birth and death of a child.

Get a grip. There are children starving in Africa and you can't cope one night a week with your own baby?

You might have PND. Go get that sorted.

Oh dear I hope one day that you get to have a child. I hope if I do go to see someone about postnatal depression they don't give me a roasting like you just did.

What do you do about starving kids in Africa?

AgainPlease there really was no need for that. I'm sorry for your fertility struggles and I can't imagine how hard that is for you but speaking as someone who suffered with PND please don't minimise how awful that is. If the OP is struggling the OP is struggling we don't need to compare experiences.

AgainPlease your struggles, as sad and unfair as they are, don't give you a free ticket to be a horrible twat. Give your head a wobble.

OP Get yourself some really fancy organic, grass fed steaks 😊

If you feel your moods no longer feel normal/reasonable then might be worth a word with you HV/GP. Tbf my partner never actually worked away, he'd just be away for one evening and I'd get like this

It must be hard when you've got kids and your partner works away a lot.

Yes I am heading to Sainsbury's in a minute for something fancy.

Thanks - he works away at least 2 nights a week and it is hard.

I do feel like having another baby is not quite how I envisaged (DS1 not planned DS2 very planned) I thought it would all be different this time in manner of how it looks on the telly 😂 but it's solid!! Feel like wind knocked out of sails in a way

Feeling a bit better now xxxxx

I think that your mistake was to describe it as deep depression. People say 'I'm so depressed' to describe being a bit sad and anxious, whereas a deep depression is fighting against constant suicidal thoughts, not eating or drinking, and being convinced you're destroying everyone's lives, psychosis etc.

but having said that, i can understand how hard it is with 2 young DCs & it would be plausible that you have a touch of PND. It can do no harm to see a GP (if so, ask if there's someone who specialises in mental health). When they get a bit older you'll probably notice a world of difference.

OP- buy something nice to eat with your older son, and watch a movie together. Then tomorrow find a baby group of some sort to go to. Make sure you get out every day.

At the end of the week have a think about how you feel, and if you are still feeling low, make a doctor's appointment.

I had an £8.50 fillet steak!!! I would have posted a picture but it didn't last long enough and it was fit

Delicious

Treats are the way forward!