To slip into a deep depression?

[sadzak]

On mat leave 8mo DS, plus 13yo DS DH works away at least one night a week. He has left this morning due back tomorrow night then will be away again Thursday morning until Friday night

Yes I know lots of other people have it much worse than that, yes I knew all this before we married/ had DS2 etc but every time he leaves and I know he isn't coming back that day I just slip into despair and depression that I will be on my own all night with the baby.

Yummy op!!! Hope you are OK this evening. Your hubby will be back before you know it xxx

Uncalled for, Again.

I understand, OP. I hate it when OH works away - sometimes for up to a week. I suffer with depression and have 3 children (2 with SNs) to deal with.

Make sure you plan a treat the days your DP is away - something to look forward to.

AgainPlease I'm sorry for your struggles.

But to effectively say that you're allowed to be depressed when others aren't? Absolutely fucking disgusting. Take a bloody good look at yourself madam, and perhaps have a good read into depression whilst you're at it.

Oh, and for the record, I've reported your vile tripe on page 1.

Op, it does sound like you're very down. Have you got any support from anyone in RL? Have you approached your GP?

Seeing someone about depression isn't easy, but once you start to engage it does get easier, I promise

No I haven't but I'm not sure what I would say

I'll think on it. Some days I'm ok. Others I'm a mess. Meltdowns. I drink too much also.

Oh no

Best go to the docs. Perhaps you will drink less if you treat your depression.

If you are on your own and hubby is away you can always pm me

I understand and do not think you are silly for feeling the way you do. I feel like it myself sometimes.

Have you tried St Johns Wort. They sell one called karmaMood in H and B. It can take the edge off, but I would not recommend it with alcohol.

1. As PPs said, go and talk to your GP about PND.
2. How long will you be on mat leave? Have you considered going back to work earlier than you had initially planned? Working out of home might give you a good life balance.

Yep, I think it's definitely time for the GP Sadzak

I'm not going to lie, I found it very difficult to approach my GP - for absolutely no reason other than my own denial (looking back I've been depressed for as long as I can remember - even as a child). I drank excessively to try to cope. And yes, to the outside world I had, and still have, everything I could possibly want in life. Doesn't change what is going on inside though.

But talking to someone was so helpful. You've already taken a big step by talking to us. The ups and downs are awful- wouldn't you feel better if you felt more "consistent"?

Just tell the GP what you've told us- that you don't feel like you're coping, that you're up and down all over the place and you're drinking to cope. And anything else you think about. They will be able to help, I promise.

Might also be worth having a look at the mental health board on here- lots of help and advice and support to be had

I don't drink everyday maybe three nights a week but when I do I drink too much

It's not unusual Sad- but the really important (and really brilliant) thing is that you recognise it. You very obviously have good insight.

Have you thought about how you want to move forward?

I was going to leave it because I got over that instance but today something else has rattle me and I think I am so close to the edge all the time I can meltdown with little provocation feel like the worst mother in the world at times... so I think I will see GP (not keen on my usual GP so gonna ask for someone else)

I suppose like you I feel like I shouldn't be feeling like this I have a lovely DH two lovely DSs a gorgeous house nice cars holidays... to the outside world I have a great life. Why should I complain?

Sweetheart, if you had asthma, would it make sense to question what you've got to be asthmatic about?

Or diabetes?
Or arthritis?
Or cancer?

Just because it's mental health it doesn't make it any less real or any less painful or any easier to deal with without help.

I really think you're doing the right thing going to see a GP. It's actually an incredibly brave thing to do, but it's so important to take that step.

OP...please put your feelings into perspective......life and work have to continue for all families and some DHs have to work away...at least yours helps when home........Some are single parents and have every night alone..

I had my 2 DCs 16months apart in a foreign country and my DH was travelling all over the world...l took the veiw that while l was often up all night with babies alone, he was working very hard to pay the bills.....even when he WAS home l never expected him to get up in the night as he had to perform at work...

I expect it must be very stressful for your DH to hear you crying down the phone when he is away working....maybe see your GP if you really cannot cope.....

My DH works away a lot, when my pair were little I used to break the day and night into little chunks and only consider the little chunk I was in. I wasn't able to think about a whole day at time but I could manage two hours. Now they are in year 4 and it does get easier.

sadzak - maybe you're just putting yourself under too much pressure? 8 mo aren't that old. If you can look after your 13 yr old and your 8mo, you're doing fine - maybe instead of seeing it as being alone and looking after the children, see it as a time to hole up and nest. As long as you have food in, you can go with the flow without having to worry about an adult male needing attention. I found two small ones (plus pregnancy) very hard, and only later realised that my mates had much more input from local relatives. If you let yourself take credit for how hard it is as an almost lone parent (even for a few days) and stop beating yourself up, it's much easier.

Don't worry op. It doesn't matter even if your husband didn't work away and your life was 100% perfect, when depression strikes there is nothing you can do about it. You do need to see the GP though. Please do not worry about it. Loads of people know what it is like.

Ignore Againplease there is no justification for her post loss or not.

Can you imagine if someone said to you "get a grip, there's loads of unwanted children out there, sort yourself out and adopt one" they would quite rightly deserve a punch in the face as does telling someone with potential PND to get a grip.

You do realise that people who have been through IVF and loss are not immune to PND? Despite going through hell and back to have a child you can still fall into the pit of despair even when you get everything you ever fought for.

I felt like this often with babies and toddlers. A real sense of panic at the thought of not getting the respite from another adult human that I had come to count upon. Very small children are not brilliant company I found, they are just needy and demanding, however much we love them. I still get twitchy when DH is away because I will be woken at five and will have to hit the ground running, it is just grim and the day lasts a long time when it starts at five.

I think I had a mixture of PND and general, absolute knackeredness from life with small children. I am feeling a lot more balanced since I started taking vitamin D, although that could be co-incidence.

Making sure I planned an outing somewhere, just to fill in time, was a good strategy. I always found I got through it fine once I was doing it, it was the anticipation of it that hit hard.

You are not alone OP. And please ignore the horrid comment on page one, that was a really nasty one.

Yes it's not just when he's away I'm on the edge anyway, that just nicely shoves me over it*

Mrwalk* I'm not sure I am putting under pressure just feel panicky

Dragon I know what u say but I have been through that first hand with DS1, on own with him from 9mo NC with ExP and didn't meet DH until DS1 was 10yo. This feels very different to just being "alone"

Monkey I thought same as you.. on point!

Thanks for all ur comments xxxx usually people get ultra ripped on MN but ur a good bunch overall

Humphrey I do go out but sometimes I just drive round for ages or just go to drive thru so don't have to get out of car I have good days and bad days really, I know everyone does

He is away tomorrow and I have already had two private mini crys

You're very tough on yourself. You have an 8 month old baby who is a poor sleeper, a teenager, a husband who works away from home a lot of the time and you're on a strict diet and giving yourself a hard time about staying in your PJs.
Why not get rid of some of the pressure? Eat what you want and need. Leave the diet for when the baby is sleeping through the night regularly. Stay in PJs if you had a bad night with the baby. If you want, buy some nicer ones, so you don't feel like a slob but don't feel guilty about being on the sofa all morning if the baby has been up all night. Be kind to yourself.

Geordie maybe I am being ... I had all these ideas about what mat leave/ baby would be like and I feel like I'm wasting it or not getting full enjoyment at a time when I should be... lots of different ideas/ opinions on here now x

P...please put your feelings into perspective......life and work have to continue for all families and some DHs have to work away...at least yours helps when home........Some are single parents and have every night alone..

This is true but if OP has PND then it's not possible to put things into perspective. You feel how you feel. You can have a life that on the surface looks bloody amazing, but still feel utterly miserable, low, panicked and anxious. PND along with any sort of depression has nothing to do with how life actually IS but how you actually ARE. You feel what you feel.

OP please talk to your GP. They will be able to ask questions to help you work out whether you have PND and then hopefully help you through/out of it. It's wretched but help is out there.

I remember the GP giving me a questionnaire. I sat ticking off one after the other and then burst into tears in the surgery. The GP was very nice about it.

OP - Atkins you say? This is relevant. Carbohydrates are very, very important for your brain chemistry. If you are feeling depressed or having mood swings I strongly recommend you sack off this awful malnourishment diet. I get so depressed if I don't eat carbs! Google it.