To expect they respect our house rules

[tilly85]

We've recently got our whole house done up with the latest being a new carpet going upstairs which is quiet light in colour. We decided that the only way to maintain this carpet was to remove our shoes in the hallway which is wooden floors before going upstairs. We've had a few family members visiting over the last few weeks and they want to see the house so we have asked them to remover their shoes before heading up the stairs. DS who's 4 is very good at telling people they must remove their shoes MIL had no problem doing so whereas her partner refused and opted to stay downstairs which is fine. My mum was asked 3 times to remove her shoes before going upstairs by me, my ds and even my DH but then goes to my DH well I'm already half way up now. DH didn't want the confrontation.
What has annoyed me about my mum doing this is my parents are so strict in maintaining their own home. For example they've leather chairs so they don't allow ds on them with his shoes on in case he catches the leather or they tell him off for wheeling his cars on their furniture. We respect their rules as we are in their house. AIBU to expect the same respect and also to ask people to remove their shoes before they go upstairs?

YANBU. But in my experience you'll probably only last six months with it anyway before all of you get fucked off with it and ditch the rule.

Yes you are, your mum obv. Didn't want to take her shoes off and you should respect her personal autonomy.

I don't let anyone come in to my home without taking their shoes off in the hallway. I thought that was quite common. Shoes are for outside not inside on your nice carpets.

Passive respecting personal autonomy is a two-way street. The OP doesn't want shoes on her carpets. That's her personal choice, too.

We've run that rule since we bought our home in 1979. Even my awkward MIL accepted it. Insist next time and TNS about it.

We take our shoes off in the porch. All visiting family respect this. I think it's disgusting to walk around your house with dirty shoes on. I would stick to your house rules. Your house, your rules.

I'd give her those shoe covers and insist she wears them. It might be easier. Your mum clearly feels she is still the matriarch in your home so this way both of you win.

My late mil would not dream of walking around in stockinged feet, so always brought slippers.
Everyone leaves shoes in the hall. I thought it was standard.

I think shoes anywhere inside the house is grim. We have wooden and tiled floors downstairs and I still dislike people wearing outside shoes in the house. Especially when you have small kids who are playing on the floor all the time.

YANBU to want people to remove shoes in your home.
I like that your MILs partner opted to stay downstairs rather than remove shoes, I think that's fine. Both parties happy.

Could you consider buying a cheap joblot of shoe covers (the type workmen often bring when sent by British gas and the like). That way you have an option for people, shoes off, don't go upstairs or alternatively pop these over your shoes?

Get her some big bunny slippers. .

We have the same rule in our house OP and we don't even have new carpet upstairs. I just don't like the thought of outside dirt being trampled into the bedrooms etc.

YANBU.

Passive what? That's ridiculous, if her DM felt that strongly about her bodily autonomy then she didn't need to go upstairs- OP didn't want shoes on her carpet and her DM totally disregarded this, so rude.

OP YANBU.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask people to take their shoes off and don't mind doing it. But I know that a lot of people really do object. For one thing, if you don't provide slippers it can cause embarrassment with things like veruccas or if people have issues with their feet like bunions which they don't want to be seen.

Another thing is, a lot of people regard it as an incredible social faux pas, rude and (sorry) really very common, which you should bear in mind when asking people to do it. This shouldn't really matter when it's your own family as you are free to be as common as muck in front of your own family as my mother will confirm re my tasteless Poundland decor.

BillSykes if someone had verrucas I would hope that they would bring their own slippers.

I think it is normal to remove shoes, within my husbands family we all take our slippers with us lol

YANBU! We insist that all visitors take off their shoes and have a basket of guest slippers by the door for anyone who wants them.

YANBU, surely it's just basic manners to respect house rules when visiting other people, regardless of how "silly" you may find said rules!
Your house, you have every right to tell people to take their shoes off when visiting. They should respect that.

Normally I'm on the side of the 'shoes on' people but in this case I think your mum was just rude. It isn't about shoes, it is about respecting your space.

Well you know what to do next time you're round at your mum's!

I don't think it's "common" to ask people to take their shoes off! It's pretty standard among all the people in London I know!!! People don't particularly want mud, dog poo, human urine and god knows what else dragged through their house.

It is v v v unreasonable to carpet your home in something that cannot be walked on in normal footwear that isn't covered in mud or something. Your family is rude for not doing as you ask but quite frankly you are bonkers for carpeting your home in a colour that won't stand up to normal wear and tear.

I was brought up to put your shoes on when expecting guests. I still do, and find it odd not to. It's all about what we are used to.

Greenifer - but it's not just about colour is it? Even if people wipe their feet, they are still going to have lots of dirt on their shoes.

In someone else's house I would remove shoes if requested. But I wouldn't choose to go back. I am VERY conscious that my feet smell and will avoid any and all situations where I have to be shoeless without washing my feet. Fortunately my friends are all on the 'good hosting means ensuring guests are comfortable' spectrum, so it hasn't been an issue for me.