To expect they respect our house rules

[tilly85]

We've recently got our whole house done up with the latest being a new carpet going upstairs which is quiet light in colour. We decided that the only way to maintain this carpet was to remove our shoes in the hallway which is wooden floors before going upstairs. We've had a few family members visiting over the last few weeks and they want to see the house so we have asked them to remover their shoes before heading up the stairs. DS who's 4 is very good at telling people they must remove their shoes MIL had no problem doing so whereas her partner refused and opted to stay downstairs which is fine. My mum was asked 3 times to remove her shoes before going upstairs by me, my ds and even my DH but then goes to my DH well I'm already half way up now. DH didn't want the confrontation.
What has annoyed me about my mum doing this is my parents are so strict in maintaining their own home. For example they've leather chairs so they don't allow ds on them with his shoes on in case he catches the leather or they tell him off for wheeling his cars on their furniture. We respect their rules as we are in their house. AIBU to expect the same respect and also to ask people to remove their shoes before they go upstairs?

[WaegukSaram]

People feeling welcome and relaxed in my home is much more important to me than keeping the carpets clean.

I can only feel relaxed once I've taken my shoes off, maybe your childrens' friends are the same!

[Snotgobbler99]

If asked, I would always remove my shoes.

However, I have (only) moderate osteoarthritis in my feet and walking without shoes can be a painful experience, especially on hard floors. Worse still, if it's for extended periods on hard floors, the loss of heat from my feet without shoes can leave me in pain for many hours afterwards.
I'm actually dreading when the arthritis gets worse - because it will.

From the above, you would probably imagine that you'd spot my "disability" and wouldn't ask me to take my shoes off. Unfortunately, you'd be wrong. Even without shoes I appear to walk perfectly normally, even when I'm in pain. Slippers might alleviate some of the cold but not the pain from the pressure.

Lots of older people need the support their shoes provide and without them would be in great discomfort.

[IAmNotAWitch]

No shoes/food/drinks other than water go upstairs here.

Lush fluffly cream wool carpet on the stairs and all upstairs.

We have always had this rule and it applies to everyone. Workmen have the option of boots off, or shoe covers.

The carpet is now 10 years old and still looks like new.

Downstairs is all tile so shoes can stay on.

[WiltingTulip]

I'm the same as Liiinoo

Actually the thought of pairs of shoes in my hall would annoy me.

[Liiinoo]

We live in London and apart from hardwood floors in the halls and tiles in the bathrooms, we have cream/beige carpets throughout. I have never asked any guest to remove their shoes - their comfort is much more important to me than the state of the carpets which can always be cleaned or replaced. However I have noticed that younger guests (under 30) just remove their shoes as a matter of course. When the DCs have a night out I can count how many young people have stayed over by totting up the number of shoes in the hall. I appreciate their thoughtfulness but it really isn't necessary. People feeling welcome and relaxed in my home is much more important to me than keeping the carpets clean.

[joystir59]

I only have two words to add: laminate flooring.

[crazywriter]

OP YANBU.

I like that your MIL's partner chose to stay downstairs. That's what your DM should have done. And your DH should have stood up to your DM.

I always ask if people would like me to take my shoes off in their home. Some friends laugh at me for it because they never get asked by others. But we have that rule and in a tiled/wooden floor apartment. Our 4yo knows to take her shoes off and will tell our guests. We usually only have family and they bring their slippers (we take ours to their house).

Next time your DM is over make it clear that if you are to respect her rules (or more that if your DS is to respect her rules) then the same courtesy is to be given in your house.

[TomaytoTomahto]

I grew up in a very traditional Japanese household and shoes were not allowed in our house as well. What we did was purchase disposable slippers and anyone who wasn't wearing socks or just wanted to wear them could do so.

I've moved out since then but that same rule applies in my house. We've also been having kids come over with their parents multiple times a week for playdates and the like and have never had a problem.

Your house, your rules IMO.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"What has annoyed me about my mum doing this is my parents are so strict in maintaining their own home. For example they've leather chairs so they don't allow ds on them with his shoes on in case he catches the leather or they tell him off for wheeling his cars on their furniture."
I'd be repaying in kind - I despise hypocrisy. I'd not bother taking DS's shoes off, and if he sat on the leather seat, I'd shrug and say 'well he's sitting there now'. I'd make bloody sure she knew where the insurrection came from too .

[SquashedToes]

Your house, your rules. And your parents sound just like mine. However I will say that over the yeas I have noticed that often peoples outdoor, but well wiped shoes, are preferable to their stinky sweaty feet/socks on my lovely floors!

I had a Korean friend who used to have a rack of washed slippers for guests to use in her house! Perfect solution!

[BillSykesDog]

Wizard, is right. It is something that was originally considered common/lower class because it indicates that you don't have someone to clean it for you and can't afford to replace it. It's a bit like leaving the plastic covers on your three piece suite. It indicates that something which should be a bit ordinary is in fact a bit special. I think that way of thinking originates from the time when having rugs and carpeted floors spread from being something in wealthier/middle class homes to all homes including the working classes. So it was still seen as being something special to working class households so they would insist on shoes off. Whereas wealthier households were used to carpeted floors and didn't see the need. Hence for a lot of people the attitude has carried forward that shoes off is common.

[Mummydummy]

My DCs and other kids had to take their shoes off (and still do it out of habit) but I've never asked adults or older people to - I just dont think that generation understand or feel smart without their proper shoes on. I try and be flexible with my guests - I want them to feel welcome and comfortable. But they do wipe their feet properly unlike a lot of younger people these days!

[JonesyAndTheSalad]

I hate shoes in my house but when I was once asked to take my own off during an impromtu visit to a friend's house that I hadn't been to before I was HORRIFIED>

Reason being is that I'd been in a hurry and shoved my boots on with no socks! Not only are my fet incredibly ugly but that day, thanks to lack of sock, they STANK.

To make matters worse, her 4 year old pointed to my feet and said "Ha ha! Feeeeeet!"

[ratspeaker]

Your house, your rules.

We recently visited Japan where it was expected to remove ones shoes and would be considered beyond rude not to do so.

We found it a hard habit to break and now have shelving near front door for shoes

[marhav999]

Agree with taking off shoes as a matter of course. Everywhere you go there are remnants of cat and dog poo and wee in spite of every owner I have ever met claiming they always clean up after their pet. Do you want this walked in through your home? My wife's family (half Indian) always take their shoes off and I now bring a back pack with flip flops in it whenever I visit anyone's home. Not really about preserving the carpet but why not? Bit of respect for house rules and absolutely wouldn't let a house proud parent off.

[Lulabell1979]

*sign not sigh (!)

[Lulabell1979]

I have a sigh by my front door "since little fingers touch our floors please remove your shoes at the door."

I don't care if people think it's weird, I don't want their grotty shoes on my nice floors, especially when I have a toddler prone to licking/rolling on them.

Your house your rules OP. I had to buy my parents slippers for it to bed in but we got there in the end!

[IggyStrop]

We have white tiles downstairs (rented house). We don't ask people to take their shoes off because the tiles are cold. But there are always footprints everywhere, we're constantly mopping. And this is from dry shoes that look clean to the naked eye.

Imagine all that dirt getting trekked into carpets, there's no way hoovering would keep on top of that!

[cherish123]

We have wooden and stone floors downstairs. We tend to leave shoes in the vestibule but do sometimes wear them downstairs. Our stairs are carpeted so we never wear them on the stairs (although DH can be lazy about this). I find most visitors take shoes off or ask but I would never ask anyone to take them off except my mother. I think you can insist. Speak to her about it. I think it would be rude to ask anyone else to do it though.

[Italiangreyhound]

Hard or soft floors you will remember the day someone walks dog or cat sit into your home, it is pretty horrible.

[Italiangreyhound]

tilly i lived in Asia for a few years and it is considered very rude to wear shoes in the house. I have gotten into the habit now of always removing my shoes in anyone's house and in my own.

In some homes the family will supply slippers for guests to wear. You can even get plastic slippers which can be washed.

The easiest thing is to get some overshoe-covers, like they have in swimming pools, and get these ready for when anyone doesn't want to remove their shoes.

Disposable Overshoes

[Orangebird69]

I think you're being previous about your carpet tbh BUT it's your carpet and your DM was BVU not to do as you asked.

[shadowfax07]

We have a dog. I can't see how I can ask guests to remove their shoes with him around without appearing rude. It does make me feel horrible if people automatically assume that we are a shoes off household, we only have the lounge carpeted downstairs, so it isn't a big deal to me.

However, I always ask if hosts would prefer me to remove my shoes, and if I know them well, will take my slippers with me.

[EineKleine]

We are a shoes off household but I'm sorry, I think it's a bit rude to insist guests take theirs off. They should take the hint and remove them but if they don't, it's still rude to insist.

I would also expect children to keep shoes off sofas. That is basic manners like eating with a knife and fork. Wearing shoes in the house is not equivalent, manners-wise, IMO.

[Greenifer]

Taking muddy shoes off is normal! Having a floor covering that you can't walk on in normal footwear is both weird and rude. And a waste of money because floor coverings are FOR WALKING ON.