To expect they respect our house rules

[tilly85]

We've recently got our whole house done up with the latest being a new carpet going upstairs which is quiet light in colour. We decided that the only way to maintain this carpet was to remove our shoes in the hallway which is wooden floors before going upstairs. We've had a few family members visiting over the last few weeks and they want to see the house so we have asked them to remover their shoes before heading up the stairs. DS who's 4 is very good at telling people they must remove their shoes MIL had no problem doing so whereas her partner refused and opted to stay downstairs which is fine. My mum was asked 3 times to remove her shoes before going upstairs by me, my ds and even my DH but then goes to my DH well I'm already half way up now. DH didn't want the confrontation.
What has annoyed me about my mum doing this is my parents are so strict in maintaining their own home. For example they've leather chairs so they don't allow ds on them with his shoes on in case he catches the leather or they tell him off for wheeling his cars on their furniture. We respect their rules as we are in their house. AIBU to expect the same respect and also to ask people to remove their shoes before they go upstairs?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"What has annoyed me about my mum doing this is my parents are so strict in maintaining their own home. For example they've leather chairs so they don't allow ds on them with his shoes on in case he catches the leather or they tell him off for wheeling his cars on their furniture."
I'd be repaying in kind - I despise hypocrisy. I'd not bother taking DS's shoes off, and if he sat on the leather seat, I'd shrug and say 'well he's sitting there now'. I'd make bloody sure she knew where the insurrection came from too .

[TomaytoTomahto]

I grew up in a very traditional Japanese household and shoes were not allowed in our house as well. What we did was purchase disposable slippers and anyone who wasn't wearing socks or just wanted to wear them could do so.

I've moved out since then but that same rule applies in my house. We've also been having kids come over with their parents multiple times a week for playdates and the like and have never had a problem.

Your house, your rules IMO.

[crazywriter]

OP YANBU.

I like that your MIL's partner chose to stay downstairs. That's what your DM should have done. And your DH should have stood up to your DM.

I always ask if people would like me to take my shoes off in their home. Some friends laugh at me for it because they never get asked by others. But we have that rule and in a tiled/wooden floor apartment. Our 4yo knows to take her shoes off and will tell our guests. We usually only have family and they bring their slippers (we take ours to their house).

Next time your DM is over make it clear that if you are to respect her rules (or more that if your DS is to respect her rules) then the same courtesy is to be given in your house.

[joystir59]

I only have two words to add: laminate flooring.

[Liiinoo]

We live in London and apart from hardwood floors in the halls and tiles in the bathrooms, we have cream/beige carpets throughout. I have never asked any guest to remove their shoes - their comfort is much more important to me than the state of the carpets which can always be cleaned or replaced. However I have noticed that younger guests (under 30) just remove their shoes as a matter of course. When the DCs have a night out I can count how many young people have stayed over by totting up the number of shoes in the hall. I appreciate their thoughtfulness but it really isn't necessary. People feeling welcome and relaxed in my home is much more important to me than keeping the carpets clean.

[WiltingTulip]

I'm the same as Liiinoo

Actually the thought of pairs of shoes in my hall would annoy me.

[IAmNotAWitch]

No shoes/food/drinks other than water go upstairs here.

Lush fluffly cream wool carpet on the stairs and all upstairs.

We have always had this rule and it applies to everyone. Workmen have the option of boots off, or shoe covers.

The carpet is now 10 years old and still looks like new.

Downstairs is all tile so shoes can stay on.

[Snotgobbler99]

If asked, I would always remove my shoes.

However, I have (only) moderate osteoarthritis in my feet and walking without shoes can be a painful experience, especially on hard floors. Worse still, if it's for extended periods on hard floors, the loss of heat from my feet without shoes can leave me in pain for many hours afterwards.
I'm actually dreading when the arthritis gets worse - because it will.

From the above, you would probably imagine that you'd spot my "disability" and wouldn't ask me to take my shoes off. Unfortunately, you'd be wrong. Even without shoes I appear to walk perfectly normally, even when I'm in pain. Slippers might alleviate some of the cold but not the pain from the pressure.

Lots of older people need the support their shoes provide and without them would be in great discomfort.

[WaegukSaram]

People feeling welcome and relaxed in my home is much more important to me than keeping the carpets clean.

I can only feel relaxed once I've taken my shoes off, maybe your childrens' friends are the same!