To expect they respect our house rules

[tilly85]

We've recently got our whole house done up with the latest being a new carpet going upstairs which is quiet light in colour. We decided that the only way to maintain this carpet was to remove our shoes in the hallway which is wooden floors before going upstairs. We've had a few family members visiting over the last few weeks and they want to see the house so we have asked them to remover their shoes before heading up the stairs. DS who's 4 is very good at telling people they must remove their shoes MIL had no problem doing so whereas her partner refused and opted to stay downstairs which is fine. My mum was asked 3 times to remove her shoes before going upstairs by me, my ds and even my DH but then goes to my DH well I'm already half way up now. DH didn't want the confrontation.
What has annoyed me about my mum doing this is my parents are so strict in maintaining their own home. For example they've leather chairs so they don't allow ds on them with his shoes on in case he catches the leather or they tell him off for wheeling his cars on their furniture. We respect their rules as we are in their house. AIBU to expect the same respect and also to ask people to remove their shoes before they go upstairs?

[chastenedButStillSmiling]

I NEVER wear shoes past my front door, but my parents (DDad now dead) always do/did and never took their shoes off (mum still doesn't). I hate it and never say a word!

I like the idea for slippers or overshoes for guests. Slippers slightly more welcoming. Overshoes a bit the forensic examiner in a police drama!

[unlucky83]

I don't make people take their shoes off in our house (all hard floors downstairs) but we do...
And I think you DM was unreasonable to just ignore it if you asked her too.
But I also think a plain, pale stair carpet is a mistake (I have one) - especially if you have hard floors. All the crumbs etc on the hard floors stick to slippers/socks and get cleaned off on the stairs...
and then you are just heading out with your shoes on when you realise you have forgotten something upstairs ...so dash upstairs in your shoes...
and DD1 wears stompy boots -that collect mud ...and then it falls off all up the stairs.
Our carpet is more or less threadbare in places (something I'm a bit about -the salesperson said it was suitable for stairs - then one in a different shop when I was thinking of getting the same kind for another room said it was fine for everywhere BUT stairs - the second salesman was right...it started looking worn within a few years...) - but I'm reluctant to replace it until DD1 has left home in a year or so ...(and maybe even DD2 but that will be a good few years away...)

[foodtime]

It's incredibly common and really bad manners to ask guests to take off their shoes. But seeing as your only asking people going upstairs that's absolutely fine.

your mum is being unreasonable seeing as she sets such rules for her home.

[tinyterrors]

My parents allowed shoes in the house and we're forever cleaning the dark carpet as you could clearly see where everyone tended to walk. The downstairs carpet never lasted more than four years before it looked awful.

We have a no shoes rule and tbh I don't care if it is 'common'. Carpets are expensive to buy and a pita to clean, especially on the stairs. If anyone doesn't like our no shoes rule then they're under no obligation to visit. I don't want traces of mud, dog poo, and God knows what else dragged into my house.

Even shoes that look clean really aren't. We take non muddy shoes off by the door where it's tiled and when I mop the floor the water is always filthy even though it's about 1 square metre.

I always assume that every house has a no shoes rule so make sure I'm either wearing socks or take some with me.

Some think it's rude to ask guests to take their shoes off inside, but it's equally rude to refuse a perfectly reasonable request to remove shoes.

[Wdigin2this]

I have cream, almost white carpet....nobody's walking on that in outdoor shoes!!!

[Greenifer]

Notcontent, well the OP says it's because it's a light colour. Regardless of the colour, covering your home's floors in something you cannot maintain unless everyone takes their shoes off is just odd in my world. Floors are functional. You need to be choosing something that is nice to look at but also OK to walk on in normal footwear. I would not like muddy shoes in my house upstairs much but normal footwear that isn't excessively dirty is totally fine. We have carpets in colours that won't be impacted by people just, er, walking on them because I really think anything else is a bit weird. Carpets are for walking on.

[AbernathysFringe]

Torn because I agree that I always thought of it as agonisingly, not 'common' but Hyacinth Bucket-like, I guess. But, I now live in the middle of nowhere and it's pretty hard to enter the property without encountering mud. So we try to do shoes off in the utility area before you get to the sitting room. I do wince when I have to ask though.

[WaegukSaram]

LOL at "common". Only in the UK!

[Greenifer]

We have a mix of wooden floors and sort of aubergine/dark purple carpet. I have no issues with anyone walking on any part of it in their shoes or not in their shoes or whatever. They can all do with their shoes whatever they are most comfortable with. As long as they haven't got actual visible dog shit or mud on their shoes, I am totally OK with it. i

[Greenifer]

Taking muddy shoes off is normal! Having a floor covering that you can't walk on in normal footwear is both weird and rude. And a waste of money because floor coverings are FOR WALKING ON.

[EineKleine]

We are a shoes off household but I'm sorry, I think it's a bit rude to insist guests take theirs off. They should take the hint and remove them but if they don't, it's still rude to insist.

I would also expect children to keep shoes off sofas. That is basic manners like eating with a knife and fork. Wearing shoes in the house is not equivalent, manners-wise, IMO.

[shadowfax07]

We have a dog. I can't see how I can ask guests to remove their shoes with him around without appearing rude. It does make me feel horrible if people automatically assume that we are a shoes off household, we only have the lounge carpeted downstairs, so it isn't a big deal to me.

However, I always ask if hosts would prefer me to remove my shoes, and if I know them well, will take my slippers with me.

[Orangebird69]

I think you're being previous about your carpet tbh BUT it's your carpet and your DM was BVU not to do as you asked.

[Italiangreyhound]

tilly i lived in Asia for a few years and it is considered very rude to wear shoes in the house. I have gotten into the habit now of always removing my shoes in anyone's house and in my own.

In some homes the family will supply slippers for guests to wear. You can even get plastic slippers which can be washed.

The easiest thing is to get some overshoe-covers, like they have in swimming pools, and get these ready for when anyone doesn't want to remove their shoes.

Disposable Overshoes

[Italiangreyhound]

Hard or soft floors you will remember the day someone walks dog or cat sit into your home, it is pretty horrible.

[cherish123]

We have wooden and stone floors downstairs. We tend to leave shoes in the vestibule but do sometimes wear them downstairs. Our stairs are carpeted so we never wear them on the stairs (although DH can be lazy about this). I find most visitors take shoes off or ask but I would never ask anyone to take them off except my mother. I think you can insist. Speak to her about it. I think it would be rude to ask anyone else to do it though.

[IggyStrop]

We have white tiles downstairs (rented house). We don't ask people to take their shoes off because the tiles are cold. But there are always footprints everywhere, we're constantly mopping. And this is from dry shoes that look clean to the naked eye.

Imagine all that dirt getting trekked into carpets, there's no way hoovering would keep on top of that!

[Lulabell1979]

I have a sigh by my front door "since little fingers touch our floors please remove your shoes at the door."

I don't care if people think it's weird, I don't want their grotty shoes on my nice floors, especially when I have a toddler prone to licking/rolling on them.

Your house your rules OP. I had to buy my parents slippers for it to bed in but we got there in the end!

[Lulabell1979]

*sign not sigh (!)

[marhav999]

Agree with taking off shoes as a matter of course. Everywhere you go there are remnants of cat and dog poo and wee in spite of every owner I have ever met claiming they always clean up after their pet. Do you want this walked in through your home? My wife's family (half Indian) always take their shoes off and I now bring a back pack with flip flops in it whenever I visit anyone's home. Not really about preserving the carpet but why not? Bit of respect for house rules and absolutely wouldn't let a house proud parent off.

[ratspeaker]

Your house, your rules.

We recently visited Japan where it was expected to remove ones shoes and would be considered beyond rude not to do so.

We found it a hard habit to break and now have shelving near front door for shoes

[JonesyAndTheSalad]

I hate shoes in my house but when I was once asked to take my own off during an impromtu visit to a friend's house that I hadn't been to before I was HORRIFIED>

Reason being is that I'd been in a hurry and shoved my boots on with no socks! Not only are my fet incredibly ugly but that day, thanks to lack of sock, they STANK.

To make matters worse, her 4 year old pointed to my feet and said "Ha ha! Feeeeeet!"

[Mummydummy]

My DCs and other kids had to take their shoes off (and still do it out of habit) but I've never asked adults or older people to - I just dont think that generation understand or feel smart without their proper shoes on. I try and be flexible with my guests - I want them to feel welcome and comfortable. But they do wipe their feet properly unlike a lot of younger people these days!

[BillSykesDog]

Wizard, is right. It is something that was originally considered common/lower class because it indicates that you don't have someone to clean it for you and can't afford to replace it. It's a bit like leaving the plastic covers on your three piece suite. It indicates that something which should be a bit ordinary is in fact a bit special. I think that way of thinking originates from the time when having rugs and carpeted floors spread from being something in wealthier/middle class homes to all homes including the working classes. So it was still seen as being something special to working class households so they would insist on shoes off. Whereas wealthier households were used to carpeted floors and didn't see the need. Hence for a lot of people the attitude has carried forward that shoes off is common.

[SquashedToes]

Your house, your rules. And your parents sound just like mine. However I will say that over the yeas I have noticed that often peoples outdoor, but well wiped shoes, are preferable to their stinky sweaty feet/socks on my lovely floors!

I had a Korean friend who used to have a rack of washed slippers for guests to use in her house! Perfect solution!