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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is bad parenting?

80 replies

AngelThursday · 26/03/2017 13:08

Child aged about 5 in shop creating because he wants to be bought a toy cat he has seen. Dad says no. Boy makes more fuss. Dad stays calm and repeats no, you've got such and such toy at home that's similar. Boy shouts that he hates the toy at home. Dad takes boy out of shop.

Then the Mum goes back into the shop and buys it for him! Says to the assistant it's not worth the hassle.
In my opinion, not only has she undermined the father she's taught her son that if he makes enough fuss he gets his own way!
And then when she gives him the toy he doesn't even say thank you! Was so tempted to say something but managed to control myself as I know it's none of my business.
Call me old fashioned but I really don't think this is the way to bring up children!

OP posts:

ProfessorBranestawm · 26/03/2017 13:10

YANBU. If I were witnessing that I'd be thinking to myself "you really shouldn't judge" - but I still would 😳

Dementedswan · 26/03/2017 13:12

Well yes but it's not for you to judge. Maybe she's having a really bad day and wanted to make life easier for herself.

God knows I've wanted to give in sometimes. People make mistakes.

Dementedswan · 26/03/2017 13:13

But then I've just judged there by agreeing with you

neonrainbow · 26/03/2017 13:16

Yeah id judge that all day long. The mum is a useless parent.

RiversrunWoodville · 26/03/2017 13:17

Well I agree with you and wouldn't have given in, also hate it when DH undermines me. Then on the otherhand I hate being judged and just wish people would mind their own business and I am also judging the mother in this case and not minding my own business (even third hand) so just goes to show

lavenderandrose · 26/03/2017 13:18

What's with the "managed to control myself"? I'm hoping that's an exaggeration. The mum sounds like she had a rubbish parenting moment but honestly there is nothing worse (imo) than busy bodies getting involved.

vaginasuprise · 26/03/2017 13:21

Was so tempted to say something but managed to control myself as I know it's none of my business.

You're spot on, it's none of your business

EweAreHere · 26/03/2017 13:22

Bad parenting.

I wouldn't have said anything to her, but I might have said it to him on the way past ... that he was being undermined as a parent by his wife.

BeaderBird · 26/03/2017 13:23

Pathetic and precisely what's wrong with the world.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 26/03/2017 13:26

Obviously a terrible idea to buy the toy, but i can't believe you even considered saying something - that would have been a much worse idea!

Original poster

AngelThursday · 26/03/2017 13:27

Yes lavender "managed to control myself" is an exaggeration as I would never be so presumptuous or busy-bodyish to say anything. I just wondered what other people thought hence my posting on mn

OP posts:

RoboticSealpup · 26/03/2017 13:27

I thought you were going to say you overheard someone swearing at their child, telling them to shut up and smacking them. "Tempted to say something?" You've got to be kidding. What would you have said exactly? I'm sure they already knew what they did wasn't ideal. Do you have children? Never had a weak moment yourself on a stressful day?

doublesnap · 26/03/2017 13:30

I was going to say she is not being a bad parent until she gave it to him, I have occasionally gone back and bought a toy that a child really wanted but have kept it back for a birthday/xmas present.

It's not great but you don't know the back story.

Crumbs1 · 26/03/2017 13:30

Not good behaviour management but we're all only human. Children of reasonable parents usually turn out OK ish despite imperfect parenting.

RoboticSealpup · 26/03/2017 13:33

Did you really wonder what other people thought? Of course they're going to agree that it wasn't good parenting. Sounds to me like you just want to fuel your self-righteous fire about lax parents. I hope you apply equal amounts of energy to intervening if you ever see some really bag parenting, i.e. a child getting hurt.

Astoria7974 · 26/03/2017 13:33

Poor parenting on behalf of the mum definitely but you were right in your initial reaction. None of your business really.

pictish · 26/03/2017 13:33

No you're right. On the face of it, it's a bit pathetic isn't it?
If it is as it seems, they will learn soon enough or pay the price. Nothing you can do.

Mia1415 · 26/03/2017 13:36

Yes it's terrible parenting however you never know what's going on with people. My DM was seriously ill in hospital recently and I gave in to my DS on several occasions as I couldn't deal with the fallout at that moment. A bad decision occasionally doesn't make someone a terrible parent

Trifleorbust · 26/03/2017 13:36

It is shit, yes, but I can't believe you were tempted to say anything! Like what?

FiveMinutesAlone · 26/03/2017 13:37

I agree it's not great.

I've had to literally carry small DC kicking and screaming out of shops because they've been told they're not getting tempting things before. It's hard and there's definitely a temptation to just say bugger it and buy tempting thing.
It's only the knowledge that they'd be even worse the next time they see a tempting thing that stops me caving in sometimes.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/03/2017 13:44

Nothing worse than someone undermining you and getting your tantrumming child the thing they're tantrumming over. I've had this happen - DC have been kicking off (albeit not quite as badly as the child in the OP seems to have been) and I've said no, only for someone else (MIL or DH or even my sister) buy it for them later.

elQuintoConyo · 26/03/2017 13:49

I have been living abroad for 17 years. I'll be back over the summer with 5yo ds for a holiday. Threads like these judging the shit out of women and 'would you say something' makes me absolutely dread coming back to the UK.

Do people really butt in and have I'M JUDGING YOU looks so obviously slapped across their faces? I think i might just hide out at my dad's for the entire week

FiveMinutesAlone · 26/03/2017 13:52

IME it's very unusual for people to actually criticise someone else's parenting to their face.

Huskylover1 · 26/03/2017 13:55

Well, I judge people all the time. It's human nature, unless you are a plank. If you see shit parenting like this, of course you are going to judge internally.

I was shocked the other day, to see a Dad telling off is child for being naughty, and then I realised that the Dad was spot on, and that it's very rare these days, to actually see parents doing some actual parenting. At most, I see parents telling a child not to do something twice, there's never a third time, just an acceptance that the kids didn't do as told, "oh well"....grrr.

Original poster

AngelThursday · 26/03/2017 14:12

You don't know what expression I had on my face elQuinto and I didn't say anything, nor would I ever as that would be totally out of order and interfering (unless a child was being hit or in danger). And I wasn't asking "would you say anything?", I was asking what people thought.
I thought it was bad parenting - not on a huge scale - of course not, but just as an observation

OP posts:

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